To think nursery shouldn’t be organising a Mother’s Day lunch?

[Chocolateatweekends]

It’s during the day midweek which is when a lot of mums will be at work. Feeling a bit rubbish I won’t be able to be there. I know my 15 month old won’t know, but I still feel sad

@2bazookas it's not the fact that OP doesn't want to go, it's the fact that she can't because it's in the middle of a working day and she's a teacher.
Nursery shouldn't be organising events centred round working DMs in the middle of the day.

@NoSleepNoSleep

This will happen throughout the time your child is at school. Plays, sports day, presentations, etc etc are organised in school time, so unless you can take time off work you miss it. My husband is a teacher so he always misses anything where parents are invited (it obviously stopped over covid but things have started again). I can sometimes use flexi but not always.

I’ve answered this several times, and it’s getting a little exhausting.

When my child is school age, they will be verbal and have some understanding.

My child is in nursery so I can work. Therefore taking time off work to be with my child in nursery is bizarre!

Plus I may well have changed things when my child is school age - not sure yet - so that I can go to at least some of these events. It’s not a problem now. I’m not posting about a school aged child or a school. I’m posting about a nursery aged child in nursery. It’s as if I’ve posted a different thread, with some of these replies!

No @Chocolateatweekends I didn't actually mean to reply to you, i got your reply muddled with someone else and I discussion of making cards at school, who then confirmed they'd actually got their school to ban making mother and father day cards

@2bazookas

If you don't want to go, just don't.

But by definition, none of the Mom's can go because they've put their kids in nursery because they're busy.

This will happen throughout the time your child is at school

No it won't. There will be school events you can attend but there won't be mother day lunches. The who premise of this event hinges on the fact your mum is there. If your mum isn't there, it's a bit of a non event.

Exactly @Comedycook well said. School events - nativities, sports days etc. are enhanced by a DP being there, but their presence is optional oh and it can be DF instead which increases chances of at least one being there.

@Chocolateatweekends if they are that young they'll have no idea what's going on and who the random people there are. My youngest is just under 1, he'd be clueless. It wasn't until my 2 eldest were 3 that they really got what's going on and that mums/dads were there to watch etc. So a baby in nursery won't care you arent there, you might be sad missing it but they won't care.

hmmm a bit annoying - but if your child isn't old enough to understand what you are saying them then they aren't likely to be upset that you couldn't make it.

I can never go to anything at my childs nursery either nor will I be able to go to anythig when they go to school
it's just a part of being a working parent unfortuately - you sometimes miss out!

Fair enough @catsandquails but you could speak up?

I can't tell you the pain and angst these events cause bereaved families.

We got a recording of it, but because we don't give permission for our son to be filmed, he wasn't in it

Twizbe, why not just give permission for him to recorded that time then?

@SleepingStandingUp

It wasn't meant glibly *@Chocolateatweekends*, I just don't know any schools who've stopped it due to parents request. And whilst you have got school to stop, there's still going to be Mothers Day posters outside every pub, in every card shop window, on the TV, in every shop so I'm just saying surely kids do need a strategy for dealing with that for the next 50+ years

@SleepingStandingUp

Ok. Imagine if I told you my workplace made me make 'Happy husbands day' cards as a widow,

You'd think they were insane. Children don't need a strategy for dealing with cruel Hallmark holidays, the rest of society needs to get a life and stop reinforcing such rubbish.

Celebrations are a private choice.

Leaving aside the specific celebration in question here, surely OP as a teacher you must be aware of the many occasions when parents are invited/expected into school over seven years? From memory, I've been in for nativities, World Book Day parade, Easter bonnet parade, class liturgies, sports day etc etc. If you think because your child will be verbal and able to understand then, I think you are mistaken. It's when they become verbal that it's more difficult because you have navigate the whole - but why can't you come Mum? - everyone else's Mum was there - etc. And yes, I worked and missed many things over the years and felt like s^&t about it sometimes but the idea that those events should not have happened because some of us couldn't be there or because my children didn't have a Grandparent/hated sports/whatever would never have occured to me.

But you have already established that your child is too young to understand.
He won't know you could be there, or be wondering where you are.
Next year, could a grandparent or Dad go in your place?

I had this with both of mine at nursery - some things I was able to pop in but often not. Just one of those things. When I did go, the kids whose parents weren’t there really didn’t seem to notice and certainly weren’t upset.

I work with children in foster care and nurseries and schools seem pretty careful about sensitively suggesting other people to make cards for if making their mum or dad isn’t suitable.

And as a child who lost their mum at a very young age, I did sometimes find it hard but I was always supported in making cards either for someone else (dad, granny, grandma etc) or I made my mum one and wrote in it that I missed her. I wouldn’t want or expect the whole class to miss out just because my mum had died.

YANBU, OP. Thank God DS's nursery didn't go in for stuff like this. The children were there because their parents were working, so clearly it would not suit us to be there in the middle of the day.

The staff made cards out of the babies' "art", stuck a poem inside, and got them to"sign' it with a hand print. Everyone was happy and nobody had to miss work yet again.

[quote Marchitectmummy]@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Nope, that isn't what I said, if the OP is set on going they will find a way to attend. Every job has annual leave, most can choose when to take it. It's incredibly selfish to expect an event not to happen just because you can make it.

For context I work full time, have 5 daughters who attend 3 different schools I have missed many events through the years but I have never had the thought that if I can't attend an event it shouldn't happen. Life is full of events that can not be attended by all.[/quote]
This 100%.

And for those who say they wouldn't do it for Dads- they did at the preschool mine went to. We chose to take annual leave where possible - where it wasn't possible we couldn't go. I wouldn't have dreamt of suggesting that no one else should be able to though! The nursery are very good at making sure no child will feel left out.

@unfortunateevents

For at least the fifth time I am not talking about a school

And I can think of precisely no occasions when parents have come in for world book day or similar. Such is the joy of secondary school teaching

@WaterBottle123 well its a false equivalent considering I'd already said well done on getting school to ban them.

But whilst you've done a great job with your schools, the reality is that you won't win that war. And the equivalent would be Valentines Day, which again, you just won't convince businesses to put their profits aside. Companies are getting better with email spam but like a friend said, it's still a stab in the heart every time you reply to say "no mothers day emails" and that's a fairly adult only effort anyway. Not sure what the answer ia

too young to understand

Yes, but I’m not.

On that premise, I don’t need to do anything nice for or with him as he won’t understand it anyway!

@SleepingStandingUp

Well you win none of the wars you don't fight. If we collectively stopped buying into Hallmark holidays and challenged schools to do the same we'd win,

Shrugging your shoulders just because it's challenging won't achieve change, no.

Our nursery does crafts and homemade gifts for parents for stuff like Mother's Day, Christmas, etc., but there aren't any parent events (which suits me just fine! I feel like nursery is her space and there's no need for me to be in there). They do have the occasional special event for the kids that you can take them to even if it's not their usual nursery day, which is nice. A sports day and a Christmas party. But parents don't stay.

@Chocolateatweekends I'm well aware you are not talking about school now but you did say that things will be easier when your DC is at school and if you object this much to a single nursery event I am saying that they certainly won't be and you might as well use this as practise for when they are at school! My experience was that when my children were at nursery there was at least some level of understanding that many children were there because their parents were working and therefore very few events during the day, at primary school there's such a mixture of working, non-working, shift, part-time and night working parents that things just happen regardless.

Indeed secondary school is a relief to most parents but you do have seven years to get through before your DC gets there.

Can someone go on your behalf... husband or mum, etc? X

@Chocolateatweekends

I can’t book annual leave - teacher - and there is more chance of a random iceberg hitting the south coast of England and drowning the country than being permitted to go.

If you’re a teacher you are going to literally miss every school event for your child/children.

You need to make your peace with it, and not expect every event that you cannot attend to be cancelled.

You are massively projecting, OP! I'm sorry you won't be able to attend but to suggest it's a bad idea all together, based on that, is very selfish indeed. Especially since your child is not even at the age where he'd understand what's going on. Why can't you be just happy for the parents that are able to attend rather wishing they'd cancel the whole event??
You can't always please everyone but that's not a good enough reason for the rest to miss out and / or not celebrate. Good on the nursery for trying to do something special.

My toddler had Santa Day at nursery on a day he wasn't in, never even crossed my mind to question why they had it when they did. There were plenty of other children who had great fun! Even some parents attended to take pictures, join in. Hoping we can make it this year.