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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think nursery shouldn’t be organising a Mother’s Day lunch?

246 replies

Chocolateatweekends · 07/03/2022 07:17

It’s during the day midweek which is when a lot of mums will be at work. Feeling a bit rubbish I won’t be able to be there. I know my 15 month old won’t know, but I still feel sad Sad

OP posts:
HikingforScenery · 07/03/2022 07:35

@Jobseeker19

Send a grandparent
The ignorance
Mackmama · 07/03/2022 07:37

Yes, I always thought it was strange, our nursery did fairly regular ‘stay and play’ sessions when if I could ‘stay and play’ they wouldn’t be in nursery! I’ve not encountered the same kind of requests from school yet as my kids have only been in school since 2020 and covid restrictions have put paid to us going in for anything, but they seem to have a better understanding that most of the parents work.

Try not to beat yourself up, your little one will have fun regardless and have no memory of whether you were there or not x

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 07/03/2022 07:38

@Jobseeker19

Send a grandparent
Yes, because we all have one of those on two!
Comedycook · 07/03/2022 07:43

It's a silly idea imo. It's not the same as a school play or sports day. It's specifically for mums. There's all sorts of reasons a child may not have a mum around.

00100001 · 07/03/2022 07:44

@Chocolateatweekends

It’s during the day midweek which is when a lot of mums will be at work. Feeling a bit rubbish I won’t be able to be there. I know my 15 month old won’t know, but I still feel sad Sad
🙄

When should they do it? 7pm? What if a mum work late or night shifts? What about the kids that don't have mums?

If it's important to you take annual leave.

Original poster
Chocolateatweekends · 07/03/2022 07:45

I don’t think they should be doing it at all @00100001 Confused back at you!

I’m not bitter, just a bit sad. It’s one or the only times I’d actually have been able to get in the nursery, too!

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 07/03/2022 07:47

I think it’s quite common for people to be able to work flexibly and accommodate stuff like this now. Personally I hope my kids nursery starts inviting us in for more things now restrictions are over. My DD’s been there well over a year and DH and I only went inside the room for the first time last week. I think it’s a good thing they engage families, I’m happy to see what her world looks like when I’m not with her. Obviously not everyone can make it every time but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t do it.

SickAndTiredAgain · 07/03/2022 07:47

Tbh it seems a bit no-win for the nursery. Some parents want activities, and different people will be able to do different times. I wfh so a lunchtime event would be great, I could just go at lunch. Other people would prefer start or end of day. Some people would prefer nothing. They can’t only do activities that suit everyone all the time.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 07/03/2022 07:48

The point is they shouldn't do it at all @00100001. It puts unfair pressure on working parents who can't just take time off during the week.

If they want to celebrate Mothers Day, they could make cards to take home or do a drawing of some flowers instead, or make biscuits or fairy cakes.

No need to drag parents out of work.

MiddleParking · 07/03/2022 07:48

@Chocolateatweekends

I don’t think they should be doing it at all *@00100001* Confused back at you!

I’m not bitter, just a bit sad. It’s one or the only times I’d actually have been able to get in the nursery, too!

I don’t understand this. You seem to think getting inside the nursery would be a good thing, hence being sad that you can’t go? But you think they shouldn’t be inviting anyone in? How would anyone get in at all if they weren’t invited to things?
Original poster
Chocolateatweekends · 07/03/2022 07:50

Being inside the nursery would be a good thing yes. Only opening it to do this at a time when parents are working is not a good thing. I had a terrible nights sleep so apologies if this comes over too grumpily but how can you not understand this?

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 07/03/2022 07:52

Our dc are grown up. Nursery sent a card. Notwithstanding the fact that mothers' day falls on a Sunday.

MiddleParking · 07/03/2022 07:52

It puts unfair pressure on working parents who can't just take time off during the week.

Where is the pressure? It’s just an invitation to something nice and optional.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 07/03/2022 07:53

I agree it's stupid.
Dd3s nursery did something similar. Of course, she just assumed it was home time and was inconsolable when I went to leave again.

Beees · 07/03/2022 07:53

I agree with the previous poster who said the nursery are settling themselves up for an afternoon of torture when the child's mum leaves again and they are still at nursery. The kids are going to be incredibly confused.

It's a nice thought but the children won't benefit from it and it's not at all practical unless they are hoping the mums take their child home early afterwards.

Tonsiltrouble · 07/03/2022 07:54

I never really went to those things as my eldest had ridiculous separation anxiety so my mere presence in the building would be problematic for him. There will be plenty of people who don’t go for all variety of reasons.

I did once go to the nursery Christmas party because it happened to be a convenient time, but oh my goodness, never again! It was an absolute shambles, and in a gang 3 year olds are truly terrifying!

Oh and I’ve just remembered the time we slipped out to watch preschool Christmas carols (on site nursery, so orchestrating attendance wasn’t too hard). One idiot parent at the front stood up to video it and nobody else could see anything. He wouldn’t listen to the staff, several parents were understandably not impressed with some random parent videoing their kids, and it almost descended into a brawl Grin

Cognoscenti · 07/03/2022 07:54

I think it's a nice thing to do, and one of those things to use annual leave for if you really want to go. Not all who attend will be stay at home parents, I could take it as my lunch hour or just pop out, I have the choice to work from office or home and am able to finish early if I think I've done what I have to that day. Maybe there are many parents in similar situations at the nursery?

Comedycook · 07/03/2022 07:54

The thing is if your child is doing a play or sports day, that's an activity for them which you can go and watch. If you can't watch, you Tel your child you're working but to have a brilliant time. This is a lunch purely for mother's Day... therefore if your mum isn't there, the whole event is a let down for them.

RoseAndRose · 07/03/2022 07:55

@SickAndTiredAgain

Tbh it seems a bit no-win for the nursery. Some parents want activities, and different people will be able to do different times. I wfh so a lunchtime event would be great, I could just go at lunch. Other people would prefer start or end of day. Some people would prefer nothing. They can’t only do activities that suit everyone all the time.
Well, as long as they have a good variety of times, so everybody misses something, rather than the same people missing everything, that would be OK.

In practice, good schools and settings think about things like impact on parents, and tend to have things at one end of the day or the other. Slap in the middle is pretty difficult for everyone!

MiddleParking · 07/03/2022 07:55

@Chocolateatweekends

Being inside the nursery would be a good thing yes. Only opening it to do this at a time when parents are working is not a good thing. I had a terrible nights sleep so apologies if this comes over too grumpily but how can you not understand this?
Apology accepted. As I said, I’d be among many parents who could and would happily rearrange their day for something like this if possible. If I couldn’t for some reason, no matter. When else could a nursery be open to parents but during the working week?
Original poster
Chocolateatweekends · 07/03/2022 07:55

That’s what I feel rubbish about @Comedycook, although I get I may be projecting.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 07/03/2022 07:55

I hear you OP, there's the double whammy that they'd never, ever arrange a Father's Day lunch because Daddy's are busy and important.
Nursery is childcare. Having an event in the middle of the day that DMs are expected to go to,defeats the purpose of childcare.
There will be plenty of occasions when DCs are at school when working DPs will have to make hard choices about what they attend, this shouldn't be an issue at nursery as well.

Twizbe · 07/03/2022 07:56

Having a lunch at the moment makes some sense. If a lot of parents are still currently WFH then it could be easier for them to take their lunch break at that time and go along.

Tbh OP these events are lovely and nurseries try to spread things out so children who aren't in every day get something. It only get worse as they get older and into school.

But, you miss them when they are gone. DH had taken time off for our son's first Christmas play at school, then it was cancelled due to covid. We got a recording of it, but because we don't give permission for our son to be filmed, he wasn't in it :( you'll miss these types of events when they're not there.

Original poster
Chocolateatweekends · 07/03/2022 07:56

when else could a nursery be open to working parents during the week

At pick up and drop off.

OP posts:
Marchitectmummy · 07/03/2022 07:57

So because you can't make it others shouldn't experience it? As others have said you will have to choose all through their school lives what to arrend and what to miss. Is there not an option to take annual leave to attend if you don't want to miss it?

Your view is incredibly selfish. If attending is your priority you will find a way to attend.