To think nursery shouldn’t be organising a Mother’s Day lunch?

[Chocolateatweekends]

It’s during the day midweek which is when a lot of mums will be at work. Feeling a bit rubbish I won’t be able to be there. I know my 15 month old won’t know, but I still feel sad

It’s not implausible but things like parents evenings, while important, don’t tend to have such a stark ‘other peoples mums are here and mine is not’ message to children.

It isn’t a huge deal or anything - I am a bit sad for DS - but I did wonder what the consensus was and most people do think I’m unreasonable. I wouldn’t be saying anything anyway because I do think it’s borne from good intentions. But it is a shame. If I worked in a role where I could take annual leave I could go but as it is I can’t.

It's madness to pay for childcare and then take AL so you can spend the afternoon at your paid childcare.

It gets worse when they go to primary. There’s usually tons of things right in the middle of the day especially in reception and you imagine them sitting there looking for mummy when all the others turn up.

@WaterBottle123

Really shitty thing to do, not everyone at nursery has a living mum.

My widower friends would be devastated by this.

Your widower friends will be devastated full stop, surely. It’s not a ‘really shitty thing to do’, how mean-spirited and awful to paint the nursery’s intentions like that.

YANBU op.

You are paying through your teeth for nursery and then have to take a day off to attend this lunch, nuts. And it will be confusing for the little ones, if mum is ether having lunch, I bet you 50% of toddlers are going to whine next time mummy is not there for lunch. It's a given that not everyone will be able to come so some will have their mummy there and those who don't will feel miserable and confused. Stupid idea.

She doesn’t have to. She really doesn’t. And my toddler wouldn’t be in the slightest bit confused by it; not to mention that if I’d trust anyone to quickly reassure and distract a toddler wanting their mum, it would be nursery workers.

@WaterBottle123
Really shitty thing to do, not everyone at nursery has a living mum.
My widower friends would be devastated by this.

Unfortunately, he's going to have to get used to it. They'll be making mothers day cards all through primary, and fathers day cards. Most schools can do this tactfully and suggest who else might like a card but his kids will be bombarded with mothers day stuff all their lives

I'm a nursery nurse. We do Mother's Day and Father's Day tea parties, sports day, Christmas play etc. All within our working hours. Yes we do realise it doesn't really make sense. It's all about parent partnership- good old Ofsted! I'm sure there are better ways of doing these things.

@SleepingStandingUp

Nonsense. Most of my widower friends have been able to persuade schools that making Mother's Day cards is cruel, just as I have done with Father's Day cards (I'm a widow).

It's not even about the widows feelings, it's the child.

Schools sometimes need telling to focus on education and not projecting their values sets on pupils.

@Chocolateatweekends

I don’t doubt the intentions are good - just feel a bit sad for DS.

But you said in your OP that he wouldn't even notice!

Lots of parents/carers will be able to make the event, or the nursery wouldn't waste their time running it - it's a shame you can't but in the grand scheme of things not a big deal.

@catsandquails

Pls stop this. Unless you know every single child has a fully involved mother and father.

It's not your place.

@Chocolateatweekends but if you worked in another role where you could take the time off, it's likely you'd have a lot less annual leave than you do as a teacher, and are likely to want to spend that annual leave together as a family ( with a bit in reserve for illness) so your point is still absolutely valid.

[quote WaterBottle123]@SleepingStandingUp

Nonsense. Most of my widower friends have been able to persuade schools that making Mother's Day cards is cruel, just as I have done with Father's Day cards (I'm a widow).

It's not even about the widows feelings, it's the child.

Schools sometimes need telling to focus on education and not projecting their values sets on pupils. [/quote]
Fair play if you've convinced your school to not allow them to be made any more, I don't know any schools that don't do them.

It is immensely painful for children who have lost a parent, and is surprising to see teachers and other professionals dismiss it with - ‘well, they’ll have to get used to it.’

@rookiemere yes indeed.

@Notwithittoday

It gets worse when they go to primary. There’s usually tons of things right in the middle of the day especially in reception and you imagine them sitting there looking for mummy when all the others turn up.

Yep! Ours used to run special events and shows in the middle of the morning or early afternoon before pick up. You just take it on the chin though and accept you can't be at everything. I sometimes asked a grandparent to go instead or one of my friends would make a conscious effort to clap and wave to my DC, take photos etc

So, you seriously believe the nursery shouldn’t put on events if you can’t make it? I think you probably need to realise that’s just called life. Some events you will be able to attend, some you won’t.

@WaterBottle123 unfortunately I don't have the power to stop it! I'm a nursery nurse, I don't own or manage the business.

Yea what is the point? A breakfast might just about work but not for all. Have to say the only lunchtime event ever in my kids school time was at one of them they invited a parent and guest (or both parents) to lunch on their child's birthday. Sports days too but plays and things were early evening.

[quote WaterBottle123]@catsandquails

Pls stop this. Unless you know every single child has a fully involved mother and father.

It's not your place. [/quote]
What a way to speak to a nursery nurse who’s just affably agreed that it’s a bit silly but they do it for Ofsted, and made it clear that it’s not her personal decision. So needlessly unpleasant.

Not to mention not everyone has a mum or dad - my husband died when they were 4 and six. They still did the Father's Day cards though.

No, not quite @doodleygirl - it is inaccurate and wrong to present what I am saying like that.

What I am saying is that the Mother’s Day lunch, where mummies join their children, is one that hasn’t been done in mind of the fact that the children are mostly in nursery because their parents are at work.

If I wasn’t a teacher I’d be moving heaven and earth to attend but it doesn’t mean it would be convenient, it would be because I don’t want my child to miss out.

It wasn't meant glibly @Chocolateatweekends, I just don't know any schools who've stopped it due to parents request. And whilst you have got school to stop, there's still going to be Mothers Day posters outside every pub, in every card shop window, on the TV, in every shop so I'm just saying surely kids do need a strategy for dealing with that for the next 50+ years

This will happen throughout the time your child is at school. Plays, sports day, presentations, etc etc are organised in school time, so unless you can take time off work you miss it. My husband is a teacher so he always misses anything where parents are invited (it obviously stopped over covid but things have started again). I can sometimes use flexi but not always.

If you don't want to go, just don't.

@SleepingStandingUp I’m not trying to suggest you do mean it glibly but if you are really suggesting that a child who’s mother has died is going to find sitting in a room with other children and their mothers the same as an advert for Mother’s Day then I am sorry I do think that is dismissive and insensitive.

Many adults find mothers (and fathers) day quite difficult to manage, yet we dismiss the feelings of children who have lost theirs. That’s not suggesting the day has to be ignored altogether but recognising some find it hard is a start.