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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think nursery shouldn’t be organising a Mother’s Day lunch?

246 replies

Chocolateatweekends · 07/03/2022 07:17

It’s during the day midweek which is when a lot of mums will be at work. Feeling a bit rubbish I won’t be able to be there. I know my 15 month old won’t know, but I still feel sad Sad

OP posts:
Brideandprejudice · 07/03/2022 08:12

Perhaps it's a way for those who don't have a mother figure to feel included in a special day by celebrating it at nursery?

Rosebel · 07/03/2022 08:13

@Chocolateatweekends

I think the whole point is that I don’t think it’s necessarily a good thing to be doing. Children who aren’t in nursery that day aren’t going to be coming in specially. The children who are coming in are either the children who have working parents or possibly if they have a SAHP / mum on maternity leave with a younger one. The latter may have a Mum able to come but everyone else will be either unable to come or have to adjust things at work.

@GnomeyGnome I know but at that age my child will at least be verbal and have some understanding of why I can’t be there, at this age he doesn’t.

At this age he won't notice. He won't think oh x and ys mum are here why isn't mine? He's too young. It's actually worse at school because they do notice but really don't understand. It's sad for you but your son won't notice.
HaveringWavering · 07/03/2022 08:13

One thing to bear in mind is that with increased WFH, working mothers might be able to pop along to nursery in their lunch hour when working from home, whereas that would not have been an option for those same mothers in the old days when they had to go to the office. That would be my situation. So maybe nurseries feel that these events are more worth putting on now.

rookiemere · 07/03/2022 08:14

@MrsLargeEmbodied I'd also ask if they were doing a Father's Day lunch and if not why not.

I don't think people are getting that a large part of the issue is that this is internalised misogyny.

BeHappy91818 · 07/03/2022 08:14

Just because you can’t go don’t mean others can’t.
It’s a nice thing for them to do. If you can’t go then don’t but stop moaning about it.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 07/03/2022 08:15

[quote Marchitectmummy]@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Nope, that isn't what I said, if the OP is set on going they will find a way to attend. Every job has annual leave, most can choose when to take it. It's incredibly selfish to expect an event not to happen just because you can make it.

For context I work full time, have 5 daughters who attend 3 different schools I have missed many events through the years but I have never had the thought that if I can't attend an event it shouldn't happen. Life is full of events that can not be attended by all.[/quote]
I just don't agree.

Some things may be unavoidable but there's absolutely no need to put on a lunch for mums in the middle of the working day. They wouldn't do it for dads.

There are so many other ways they could celebrate that don't involve parents having to use their annual leave. They could bake cakes for children to take home at the end of the day, or get them to ice pre-made biscuits. They could make cards or draw pictures or do hand prints in the shape of flowers.

Nobody's saying they can't celebrate but why the need to do it so that people feel like they need to take time off to attend,

arethereanyleftatall · 07/03/2022 08:15

I'm so bored of the attitude...

'I can't make X event because of my particular situation Y so therefore no one should be able to go to said event.'

That could apply to literally everything ever.

The only way around this is to have zero events, so that we can all race to the bottom in our quest to ensure everyone is equally miserable.

Yabu.

For example your breakfast solution - there will be someone who can't make that because they have school drop off or something. So, they would start a thread saying 'cancel the event because I can't make it and it's not fair.' My point being there will always always be someone who can't make something.

Sally872 · 07/03/2022 08:15

[quote Marchitectmummy]@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Nope, that isn't what I said, if the OP is set on going they will find a way to attend. Every job has annual leave, most can choose when to take it. It's incredibly selfish to expect an event not to happen just because you can make it.

For context I work full time, have 5 daughters who attend 3 different schools I have missed many events through the years but I have never had the thought that if I can't attend an event it shouldn't happen. Life is full of events that can not be attended by all.[/quote]
At school/pre school nursery yes absolutely.

But when paying a huge amount for essential childcare while you work it is thoughtless. The child is likely only at nursery because parents are working. I would use my AL to spend a day with my child not an hour at nursery lunch. They could do a card or something at start or end of day if they must.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/03/2022 08:16

I think it would be interesting to see how theu approach a similar event for Fathers Day

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 07/03/2022 08:16

@Brideandprejudice

Perhaps it's a way for those who don't have a mother figure to feel included in a special day by celebrating it at nursery?
They can celebrate without inviting mums in.

I'll bet they haven't done a midday lunch for dads.

babyjellyfish · 07/03/2022 08:16

Isn't mother's day on a Sunday?

Seems a bit odd to celebrate mother's day during the week and without the mothers present, but I don't see why it detracts from you celebrating with your children on the day itself.

CowsAreNotGreen · 07/03/2022 08:18

My nursery lets us in for pick up. Could you maybe contact them, explain you can't come but would it be possible to pop in to see the nursery as it's been a while since your initial tour?

CowsAreNotGreen · 07/03/2022 08:19

If lunch doesn't work for the vast majority of mums they will realise when only 1 or 2 turn up.

RampantIvy · 07/03/2022 08:20

I’m not bitter, just a bit sad. It’s one or the only times I’d actually have been able to get in the nursery, too!

Can you book some AL for this?

Friendshipqn · 07/03/2022 08:21

@SickAndTiredAgain

It’s during the day midweek

When else could they have it? They open during working hours because that’s when people need them.

Agree with this! The staff work those hours and not later!

My children’s nursery used to do this and it was so lovely. They also did it for father’s day.

It’s a shame you can’t attend, but don’t resent the others who can!

Comedycook · 07/03/2022 08:22

@Brideandprejudice

Perhaps it's a way for those who don't have a mother figure to feel included in a special day by celebrating it at nursery?
By inviting the mums in for lunch Hmm
megletthesecond · 07/03/2022 08:23

My dc's nursery did them at the end of the day.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 07/03/2022 08:24

i have never known schools and nurseries to make a deal for fathers day @rookiemere

even more chance of upsetting a child

Original poster
Chocolateatweekends · 07/03/2022 08:26

I can’t book annual leave - teacher - and there is more chance of a random iceberg hitting the south coast of England and drowning the country than being permitted to go.

OP posts:
SpaceFarce · 07/03/2022 08:30

I get it OP. It’s the idea that some other childrens’ parents will be there and your child might be wondering where you are and not able to understand your explanation at this age. I think I’d feel the same - I am a bit soft/sensitive so appreciate others won’t feel the same but that’s just my nature (and yours, I guess). Then there’s the added worry of them being the last one left at pickup - though I’d try and reframe that as they’ll have the undivided attention of staff and their pick of the toys until you get there.

I’d probably suggest to them they might do a breakfast or later option in future.

Landedonfeet · 07/03/2022 08:30

Gross

Lunch at a nursery

With that ever present smell of poo in the background

Watching other toddlers eat

No bloody way

stuntbubbles · 07/03/2022 08:32

If only there were a way you could have a Mother’s Day lunch with your son on some other day…

Citygirl2019 · 07/03/2022 08:32

My DC school did similar events. If we couldn't go a grandparent did, just so they had someone attend.

Thefaceofboe · 07/03/2022 08:33

Yes but a lot of mums will be able to attend, we always had a good turn out in our setting.

cansu · 07/03/2022 08:34

I understand how you feel but you will have to get used to it. I am also a teacher and have missed many such events and they increase when your dc go to primary school. The pressure to do these events comes from ticking a box to say they engage with parents and of course many stay at home parents want them. They want an opportunity to go into school and to watch assemblies etc.