To think nursery shouldn’t be organising a Mother’s Day lunch?

[Chocolateatweekends]

It’s during the day midweek which is when a lot of mums will be at work. Feeling a bit rubbish I won’t be able to be there. I know my 15 month old won’t know, but I still feel sad

Fucking hell @Twizbe

Twist that knife

@MiddleParking

It puts unfair pressure on working parents who can't just take time off during the week.

Where is the pressure? It’s just an invitation to something nice and optional.

Hmm, I think lots of parents don't see it like that, though.

I think it can be hard when you can never get to any school event. My parents could never attend these things due to work and I remember as a child (I think I was about eight) being really upset that once again all my friends' parents or grandparents were there and I was on my own.

Of course as an adult I can see my parents had no choice but to work but I think putting these events on can cause issues as some parents will never be able to attend.

OP's 15mo may not really understand but as children get older, they do realise their parents are never able to come and that can cause undue pressure.

I think it's a bit naive to just say "just don't go - it's optional", especially if you live in an area with lots of SAHP's.

Bit selfish to want them to cancel the whole thing just because you can't attend.

Why not just think how nice it is for others.

I'm with the OP. What people want from nursery is childcare. That's literally the whole point of it! Ridiculous to hold events that mean parents have to take time off work to attend.
Even a sahm is likely to prefer the child free time to do the things they can't easily do with children in tow and not have to waste it on some unnecessary nursery thing. Families are more than capable of organising their own Mother's Day activities.

@Marchitectmummy

So because you can't make it others shouldn't experience it? As others have said you will have to choose all through their school lives what to arrend and what to miss. Is there not an option to take annual leave to attend if you don't want to miss it?

Your view is incredibly selfish. If attending is your priority you will find a way to attend.

Yeah, cause working parents who can't just take random mornings off to attend nursery for an hour just don't care, right?

I think this is actually a really rubbish idea for a nursery. They expect the mothers of some of the children to come in for an hour in the afternoon? Those kids will think they're going home and get really upset and confused if the mum goes back to work and leaves them again. Those children whose mum doesn't come in will also be upset and confused.

If I was a nursery wanting to do something for the mothers and children in Mother's Day, I would have tea/coffee and some goodies at both drop off and pick up times and let the mum's come in for a short time at those times. That's if it's even the mum doing the drop off/pick up

@Chocolateatweekends

I think the whole point is that I don’t think it’s necessarily a good thing to be doing. Children who aren’t in nursery that day aren’t going to be coming in specially. The children who are coming in are either the children who have working parents or possibly if they have a SAHP / mum on maternity leave with a younger one. The latter may have a Mum able to come but everyone else will be either unable to come or have to adjust things at work.

@GnomeyGnome I know but at that age my child will at least be verbal and have some understanding of why I can’t be there, at this age he doesn’t.

I think you are taking it too seriously - there will always be times that aren't available for someone. Would you suggest that no event ever happens at school or nursery as some won't be able to make it?

@JustWonderingIfYou

Bit selfish to want them to cancel the whole thing just because you can't attend.

Why not just think how nice it is for others.

Or why doesn't the nursery just do something for the children they're looking after, without guilting parents into taking half days off work to attend "afternoon tea" with a bunch of toddlers.

nativities are on in the day
sports day

that is how it works
if you can get time off work, you can go
did they give you much notice?

Primary school is slightly different as its purpose isn't solely childcare. But even then, they know many people have to work and it's not nice to book too many daytime events that many people just can't attend.

If they wanted to do something for Mother's Day, they could just get the DCs to put some stickers on a card like everywhere else has done since time immemorial.
Unique pressure on working DMs. No Father's Day lunch I expect.

This seems "I can't do something so no-one else should get to do it either!"

Sorry op... didn't want to make you feel worse!

I just think it's a silly idea. I'm not a fan of schools or nurseries celebrating mother's or father's Day. There's all sorts of different family set ups. Some children may only live with one parent. Some may be in care. Some children may have lost a parent. It's just a bit of a minefield imo.

Ours only did this for the 3-4 year olds in the top room - it would not have been a good idea for parents of you get ones to turn up and then leave again.
I agree that a tea at 4 or 4.30 might be easier for mums to attend.
But, OP, this will continue to happen at school - and it isn’t easier just by explaining to a 5 year old. that you can’t come to their nativity - it really isn’t. My advice is to hold back a couple of holiday days for these kind of things eg Christmas concert/nativity and summer sports activity.

i agree with you that tea time would be better
do you all finish at the same time though?

Nativities and Sports Day are known things, and require other DCs to participate.
A Mother's Day lunch just needs a DM and a DC, and conveniently there is already a designated weekend day for it to take place.

Nativities and Sports Day are known things, and require other DCs to participate.
A Mother's Day lunch just needs a DM and a DC, and conveniently there is already a designated weekend day for it to take place.

I’m not hugely keen on primary schools doing similar I must admit, I do think the upset causes to children who don’t have a mother to attend (and being at work is probably the best reason for this) is more than the enjoyment for others.

However I don’t have a primary aged child. I do think the nursery probably hope that many children will go home afterwards and unfortunately due to timing it’s a late day for me at work so now I’m worried DS will be the only one there.

I’m not hugely keen on primary schools doing similar I must admit, I do think the upset causes to children who don’t have a mother to attend (and being at work is probably the best reason for this) is more than the enjoyment for others.

However I don’t have a primary aged child. I do think the nursery probably hope that many children will go home afterwards and unfortunately due to timing it’s a late day for me at work so now I’m worried DS will be the only one there.

Nursery is not just for childcare though. Otherwise we would just sit there with the children playing, eating and chilling.

That is not the case. We have to plan, plan, plan. Educational and fun activities - with variety.

We have to show how we connect with British values and celebrate cultural days as our prevent duty (yes ofsted do ask you how you promote British values to babies and toddlers).

We have to show how we work with parents and give them opportunities to join in.

Plus it is incredible boring to do the same stuff everyday so we print off a calender and use every single national event to add variety to activities.

Mothers day; mothers day lunch, find pictures of mum in messy foam, mothers day song, mothers day card making

Pancake day; free marking on card in shape of pancake, sensory tasting different foods on pancake

These are examples.

We also have our managers checking our planning and making sure we don't repeat the same stuff every week. Its exhausting.

I do think the upset causes to children who don’t have a mother to attend (and being at work is probably the best reason for this)

I certainly remember feeling really upset when my mum/dad wasn’t able to attend these types of things (due to work) and other parents could.

i would email them with your points

a - more notice required
b - ideally tea time rather than lunch

you need to be combative,
just point out how sad you were to miss this

i mean you DONT Need to be Combative

This frustrated me at school nursery we were invited in 5-6 times between Aug and Dec I was tearing my hair out with mum guilt. It is lovely to do these things but it is a huge pressure when you can't. I manages to rope a granny in to going to some of it.

At 18 months I would be even more annoyed because that nursery is childcare for work, but verbal or not telling a 5 year old you won't be coming is much harder than not being there for an 18 month old who won't know the day or the reason just that there are more adults around. Sorry I know that's not particularly helpful.

I understand your frustration but your toddler will be fine/hardly notice. Also as it is working parents I would expect a decent amount not to manage.

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Nope, that isn't what I said, if the OP is set on going they will find a way to attend. Every job has annual leave, most can choose when to take it. It's incredibly selfish to expect an event not to happen just because you can make it.

For context I work full time, have 5 daughters who attend 3 different schools I have missed many events through the years but I have never had the thought that if I can't attend an event it shouldn't happen. Life is full of events that can not be attended by all.