To not want child spying on us in our garden?

[NorthernMoon]

Our neighbour lets her daughter (age 6) peer through our back gate or a crack in the back fence quietly watching us, with her nose up against the fence. The houses aren’t next to each other, she comes down the lane behind the houses and stares in. I know she does this because her mum has told me, and yesterday I could see her feet at the bottom of the gate.
My child is friends with her and she comes to play sometimes. I don’t mind her coming in to play when we’ve arranged it, but I do mind being secretly watched in my garden and the parents thinking it’s ok to let them. Also it’s awkward knowing they’re there watching us when I don’t always want to invite them in.

AIBU to think parents should stop their child from staring through a crack in someone’s fence/gate because it’s rude?
AIBU to think I’m entitled to privacy in my own garden?

I know she’s only a kid but it’s mostly about the parents not stopping it, and also about setting boundaries with neighbours as I don’t want to have to invite them in every time the child appears at the back gate.

This is SO WEIRD. I agree with other people, you shouldn't have to fill in the gaps but I probably would.

Having a random person staring at you is weird and uncomfortable. I don't care if they're 6 or 36. It's not suddenly cute or fun because it's a child doing it. If anything it's worse because children can stare like that for bloody ages (speaking from experience - I once had a kid turned around in their aeroplane seat staring at me for the entire duration of a flight).

YANBU OP to find this annoying and uncomfortable. I would too. Staring is rude and it's the parents' job to teach their own children not to do it, not just assume that because they're little that everyone else should just find it sweet.

This happened with my neighbours. But two boys who are 6 and 10 and would not leave us alone. They found it hilarious to put chairs outside to climb so they could get a proper view of me and my 3 year old just doing our things!

I literally ignored them. then spoke to them because it was awkward. Then I overly spoke to them. Soon as I saw their heads I was lecturing them on school work. Doing homework. I annoyed them that much that they generally refuse to come into the garden when I'm outside . I can hear them "NOOoOoooOo I don't wanna come outside because she's there"

Lmao

I'd be tempted to do a spot of naked gardening if my garden wasn't otherwise overlooked. Or get a fence sprayer and just "happen" to be spraying that part of the fence when they're looking through. It doesn't need to be creosote, you can get fence repair sprays in any DIY shop.

@MabelsApron

Having a random person staring at you is weird and uncomfortable. I don't care if they're 6 or 36. It's not suddenly cute or fun because it's a child doing it. If anything it's worse because children can stare like that for bloody ages (speaking from experience - I once had a kid turned around in their aeroplane seat staring at me for the entire duration of a flight).

YANBU OP to find this annoying and uncomfortable. I would too. Staring is rude and it's the parents' job to teach their own children not to do it, not just assume that because they're little that everyone else should just find it sweet.

Yep, and kids stare at you unblinkingly, it's disconcerting. Adults are usually more circumspect.

I confess I have turned a hosepipe on a kid.

He lived around the corner and bullied my DS mercilessly at the time. They were about 11.
One afternoon I was cleaning the car on the drive and DS was helping me. I was sat on a stool out of sight scrubbing my wheel when the bully walked past.
He stood at the end of the drive shouting and swearing at DS so I popped up and drenched him with an “ooh sorry I wasn’t expecting you to be there”.
He scuttled off pretty quickly and didn’t bother DS outside his own house anymore.

Ask her mother not to do it as sometimes you like to have spontaneous sex al fresco.

We've had that before and it's really annoying. Could you get some willow fencing to attach so she can't look through the hole?

When I was in hospital, people would come in to visit patients, bringing with them two or three children who were then left to their own devices. On more than one occasion I have found myself faced with children silently standing by my bed really close up, eyeballing me . I too have perfected the “Death Stare”.

So she’s looking through the fence to look to see if her mates playing?

When you say Lane do you mean the alley between the house?

@momicrone 😆watering

I would speak to the child next time she does it.

@belinda789

When I was in hospital, people would come in to visit patients, bringing with them two or three children who were then left to their own devices. On more than one occasion I have found myself faced with children silently standing by my bed really close up, eyeballing me . I too have perfected the “Death Stare”.

Oh my God, I thought it was just me who’d been unfortunate enough to have this experience! On one occasion one particularly lovely child leaned on my bed and started loudly shouting that he could see my wee in a bag. Parents glanced over and then resumed chatting with the person they were visiting.

@phishy YES. They have a horror film way of doing it.

Our neighbour used to send her youngest, my daughters’ age, with a snack, to sit on our back doorstep. We could see her through the glass. It was a walk up their drive and down ours. She was out of sight from their house and just waited in hope that we would let her in to play!

Tell her it’s very rude to be a peeping Tom

I had a similar problem but from the other parents angle. My then 5 year old became really attached to the 2 slightly older girls whose garden was attached to ours. I think he was just lonely and would hear them on their trampoline etc and let himself in their side gate. Once he even wandered into their kitchen and helped himself to a drink from their fridge! In the end I couldn’t let him play unattended in our garden as I knew he’d do a runner. It was really embarrassing and I was relieved to move about 6 months after they’d moved in. He now has 2 brothers and we’re still friendly with the old neighbours

@NorthernMoon

Our neighbour lets her daughter (age 6) peer through our back gate or a crack in the back fence quietly watching us, with her nose up against the fence. The houses aren’t next to each other, she comes down the lane behind the houses and stares in. I know she does this because her mum has told me, and yesterday I could see her feet at the bottom of the gate. My child is friends with her and she comes to play sometimes. I don’t mind her coming in to play when we’ve arranged it, but I do mind being secretly watched in my garden and the parents thinking it’s ok to let them. Also it’s awkward knowing they’re there watching us when I don’t always want to invite them in.

AIBU to think parents should stop their child from staring through a crack in someone’s fence/gate because it’s rude?
AIBU to think I’m entitled to privacy in my own garden?

I know she’s only a kid but it’s mostly about the parents not stopping it, and also about setting boundaries with neighbours as I don’t want to have to invite them in every time the child appears at the back gate.

Put duct tape over the cracks.

A holly bush may stop the prob. Or a stink bomb.
Branches of holly covering the hole or crack held on by string or tape.
Perhaps say to the parents you think there is perhaps an emotional issue.

I’ll trade you your 6 year old neighbour peering in through the fence for my f*cking infuriating adult neighbour with a hobby requiring hours of use of a particularly shrieky power tool for hours on end. He completely ruins our enjoyment of our garden on a summer day.

Put up a privacy screen or some bamboo. Lucky she’s just a curious child and not like my nosey OAP neighbours!

Spread something unpleasantly smelly along the gap in the fence at child face height. Maybe the whiff will put her off.

Please nip this in the bud very quickly for the sake of your child.

Gently but very firmly when you see the child, go to her and ask if she is in need of something, say it's the right thing to do to come to your front door and she isn't to come to the fence again.

You might have to repeat it a couple of times to get the message across.

If you leave it or leave it up to the parents, nothing will change and your child will resent this one always watching.

YANBU! I had the same and it's weird, creepy, annoying and you feel like you always have to be careful what you are saying or doing. I patched the gap so they started just watching over the fence - it was a bloody nightmare and the older they got the longer they would watch for. Ended up the every time i set foot outside you heard their door open and just thought 'f#ck no - just b#ger off!'

ha!! am laughing at the posts saying get out the garden hose....a parent should not let their child do this though so all on the parent.

Just cover up the cracks