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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want child spying on us in our garden?

241 replies

NorthernMoon · 06/03/2022 21:02

Our neighbour lets her daughter (age 6) peer through our back gate or a crack in the back fence quietly watching us, with her nose up against the fence. The houses aren’t next to each other, she comes down the lane behind the houses and stares in. I know she does this because her mum has told me, and yesterday I could see her feet at the bottom of the gate.
My child is friends with her and she comes to play sometimes. I don’t mind her coming in to play when we’ve arranged it, but I do mind being secretly watched in my garden and the parents thinking it’s ok to let them. Also it’s awkward knowing they’re there watching us when I don’t always want to invite them in.

AIBU to think parents should stop their child from staring through a crack in someone’s fence/gate because it’s rude?
AIBU to think I’m entitled to privacy in my own garden?

I know she’s only a kid but it’s mostly about the parents not stopping it, and also about setting boundaries with neighbours as I don’t want to have to invite them in every time the child appears at the back gate.

OP posts:
bjjgirl · 07/03/2022 06:16

I would get real close pretending not to have seen and then "spot her" and scream your head off, then when you "realise it's them" tell the parent and the child to not do that as it scares you

QuebecBagnet · 07/03/2022 06:25

@CurlsandCurves

If the parent is there while the child is watching, I’d be inclined to say very loudly :

‘ Oh hi Molly! I see you there, are you ok? Do you want my Polly to come and play? Is that why you’re peering through the fence? To see if she can come round to yours to play? Because yes that’s fine by me if it’s ok with your mum?’

God no, that’s just encouraging her.
ABitBesotted · 07/03/2022 06:27

@1forAll74

A lot of small children are nosey, especially if they come across gaps and holes in fences etc, they just have to peep,or stare through things..

Years ago, when I lived elsewhere, there was a little lad next door, and he use to stare through a gap in my fence quite often. He once went home and told his Mum, that there was a big snake and a dead cat on my lawn.. The snake was some long thin metal piping stuff, for a job I was doing, and the dead cat, was my cat fast asleep near a shady shrub on a hot day.

Another time, he went and told his Dad, that I had killed someone outside my back door. He had notice some bright red paint on slab of concrete that I had knocked over when painting something outside.

He has probably grown up to be a forensic scientist now, with his observation powers.

My heart turned over at the adorableness of this.

Also, he'd totally have had you burnt as a witch a few centuries ago!

ABitBesotted · 07/03/2022 06:30

My puppy stops to peer through fences and earwig every chance she gets. If I hear sudden loud sweary conversations, I'll know it's the Real Fishwives of Mumsnet.Grin

Shoxfordian · 07/03/2022 06:30

Buy a nice big plant to put in front of the hole or just use the hose everytime

Her parents really shouldn’t be encouraging it

ThinWomansBrain · 07/03/2022 06:43

Say v loudly:
"it's that bloody child again and her arsey irritating parents."
"Where's the hosepipe?"

if that doesn't work, a conversation about whether the area near the fence could benefit from weedkiller being sprayed.

Landedonfeet · 07/03/2022 06:59

A splurge on a nice new back door that doesn’t have any gap

And fill in the small hole in the fence

Job done

Landedonfeet · 07/03/2022 07:01

Wait
If she’s peering through your back gate - this surely means she’s actually on your property?

ClinkeyMonkey · 07/03/2022 07:06

I'm surprised at some of the vitriol here against a 6 year old child. I guess the weirdness lies in the fact that one or other of the parents is facilitating her nosiness. But she's 6! It might be irritating, but would people really surreptitiously aim their garden hose at a small child? I would be inclined to ignore her - unless you're planning on doing something x rated or illegal in your garden. Anyone staring into our garden would be bored rigid!

TidyDancer · 07/03/2022 07:07

Surely you've said something to the parents? I can't understand why you wouldn't have! This is quite odd if they're encouraging her!

Billandben444 · 07/03/2022 07:11

She's 6 fhs! It's not her at fault, bless her, it's her parents so please do not shout at her, spray her with a hose or tell her she's rude and to do one. Speak to mum/dad and ask them to stop her from doing it as it makes you feel uncomfortable. If there's no improvement in a week then close up the gaps.

Loginmystery · 07/03/2022 07:17

That’s so horrible. She’s a little girl. Just ignore and pretend you don’t know. She’s not harming you.

bjjgirl · 07/03/2022 07:19

Op can not close the gaps that will make her fence blow down in a storm - RTFT

bjjgirl · 07/03/2022 07:20

Irrespective weather it's a little girl or not it's making the op feel uncomfortable- she should not do it. The parents let her as it entertains the kid by the sound of it but it's rude - end of.

Original poster
NorthernMoon · 07/03/2022 07:23

I just want to make it clear I would never turn a hose on the little girl, or do any of the other extreme ideas on here!
It’s not as weird as some people are imagining, they’re not coming up and having a picnic outside our gate, I never suggested that Hmm
It is a friend of my daughter who comes and stares while her parents are nearby as they live nearby. Obvs it’s not the end of the world and I will fill the gaps, but I mainly wanted to know if IABU for not wanting to be watched through my garden gate and the parents thinking it’s ok to let her.

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 07/03/2022 07:23

Can’t believe 15% of the vote YABU! How can OP be being UR?!

Headachefromhells · 07/03/2022 07:24

Personally when I saw her I'd say 'DD not here / busy at the moment. I'll send her over to you when she wants to play.'
She obviously just looking for someone to play with.

WildfirePonie · 07/03/2022 07:24

@LaMontser

You need to fill your crack.
Grin
GreenSnot · 07/03/2022 07:26

Just block the hole up ffs, how hard can it be

dworky · 07/03/2022 07:48

Oh fgs, you can't call a child a pervert.

gannett · 07/03/2022 07:56

Some of these extreme suggestions are bizarre even for MN. Turning a hosepipe on a 6yo? Theatrical screaming and swearing? Are those posters OK?

YANBU OP, of course, it's annoying to be peered at and the 6yo's parents should not be allowing it to happen. Just open the gate and calmly say, it's rude to peer, can you not do that please, and send her back home.

Childrenofthestones · 07/03/2022 08:01

Super Soaker the gap whenever you see her at it.

butterpuffed · 07/03/2022 08:01

Obvs it’s not the end of the world and I will fill the gaps, but I mainly wanted to know if IABU for not wanting to be watched through my garden gate and the parents thinking it’s ok to let her.

Prior to this, you said her mum has actually told you she knows her child does this . You need to be more assertive and tell her it's not acceptable.

Hadawayman · 07/03/2022 08:04

I’ve said Yabu as she’s a child, go tell her off for looking every time she does it. Go speak to her mum if she keeps doing it.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 07/03/2022 08:13

Can I help you, when you open the gate

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