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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want child spying on us in our garden?

241 replies

NorthernMoon · 06/03/2022 21:02

Our neighbour lets her daughter (age 6) peer through our back gate or a crack in the back fence quietly watching us, with her nose up against the fence. The houses aren’t next to each other, she comes down the lane behind the houses and stares in. I know she does this because her mum has told me, and yesterday I could see her feet at the bottom of the gate.
My child is friends with her and she comes to play sometimes. I don’t mind her coming in to play when we’ve arranged it, but I do mind being secretly watched in my garden and the parents thinking it’s ok to let them. Also it’s awkward knowing they’re there watching us when I don’t always want to invite them in.

AIBU to think parents should stop their child from staring through a crack in someone’s fence/gate because it’s rude?
AIBU to think I’m entitled to privacy in my own garden?

I know she’s only a kid but it’s mostly about the parents not stopping it, and also about setting boundaries with neighbours as I don’t want to have to invite them in every time the child appears at the back gate.

OP posts:

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 08/03/2022 21:16

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I hear that cracks in fences can be naturally encouraged to seal up by liberally spreading marmite around the inside rim of the hole.

Only problem with that, though, is if, in a freak occurrence, children accidentally catch their faces on it, it gets all over their faces, then their hands, and inevitably all over their clothes - and takes their parents ages to repeatedly wash out.

I thought I'd ended up in a very bad literotica thread then

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/03/2022 23:16

I thought I'd ended up in a very bad literotica thread then

It would have been something much worse than Marmite if it hadn't been a kid doing it

Helphusbandsadick · 09/03/2022 00:49

Our next door neighbour used to sit on the dividing wall and just stare in our house all the time. He even went so far as getting a trampoline and standing on it and blatantly stand there watching us eat our tea and getting on with our lives. This went on daily for years, the parents were always out in the garden with him and The father also used to use the trampoline and stare in. This infuriated me so we put a trellis type against a very small part of the wall but it blocked there view into our home. They then came banging on our door reminding me it was there wall and they didn’t want anything putting up against it. So we had to take it down and put up with this for a few more years until the plants and bushes grew so tall as to block there view. Unfortunately this type of thing is bred into some people.
It has now stopped only because the little boy has now grown into a teenager and no longer plays in garden. We once went away for a weekend and came home to about 30 (no lie) balls in our garden. They had been in our garden as some plants had been trampled and were muddy foot prints on our patio and up against there wall. I think this was done on purpose to get a better view into our property and if caught would just say we are getting our ball back! But this amount of balls was incredibly, it certainly wasn’t a mistaken kick so a ball accidentally went over the wall!!!

Flatwhitetostayin · 09/03/2022 10:54

You are definitely not unreasonable to want privacy in your back garden. And it is odd that the parents are aware but haven't acknowledged that it is in some way wrong ' I'm so sorry, I know my daughter likes peering through your fence looking for your daughter. We do try and stop her and we've told her that it's wrong ' is most probably all it would take. It reminds me of when I went on holiday with my cousin, aunt and her friend when I was about 10. The bathroom had a glass panel above the door and my cousin who was the same age stood on the chest of draws and was watching me have a bath. When I noticed I was horrified, but my aunt and her friend were 1 meter away from her doing this. I thought it was so odd that they hadn't stopped her. But as a 10 year old and very shy I said nothing 😳.

empties · 09/03/2022 11:04

I think I did something similar at her age with our next door neighbours and I remember our neighbour telling me off. I was best friends with their daughter. I retrospect I was lonely. My mother had a toddler, had regular vicious migranes and my father worked away weekdays staying away. So please speak to the parents - I don't think 6 years olds are nosy - just bored and maybe lonely.

wheresthespatula · 09/03/2022 11:05

@Nubbled

Just shout "peeking pervert" loudly again and again. Pretty sure the parents won't want to explain that to her

🤣🤣🤣 This is brilliant

Madamum18 · 10/03/2022 17:35

I cant believe all the passive/aggressive suggestions on here OR the unbelievable ones like hosing a 6 year old child. Thank goodness the OP has more sense!!

Sofiegiraffe · 10/03/2022 19:58

@Madamum18

I cant believe all the passive/aggressive suggestions on here OR the unbelievable ones like hosing a 6 year old child. Thank goodness the OP has more sense!!

Agreed!!

Norma60 · 12/03/2022 14:09

My mum's next door neighbour used to think it was okay to let there child go into my mums garden and just wander around. Why do people think this is acceptable and they should discipline there children.

Hollywolly1 · 12/03/2022 21:00

Some of the responses here are really worrying, this is a 6 year old child you are talking about, ill say it again aged 6 ffs if you can't understand or cope why live in a populated place,move to the sticks and deal with rabbits,foxes,cows breaking in or horse's into your garden.
The child is curious and looking for a companion.I think the child's parents have a bigger worry than you do

ode2me · 12/03/2022 21:05

@WhereYouLeftIt

"I'd also be worried about a six year old alone in a back lane for the long periods of time you are suggesting."

"Oh she’s not alone, there’s always a parent around"

There's a parent around? Bloody hell! In that case I'd be ripping the gate open and having a full-on rant at the parent - 'what do you think you're doing encouraging your daughter to behave like a peeping Tom, how would you like being watched in your garden, take your child back home and don't you ever do this again!'

I bet you'd say exactly that

Norma60 · 13/03/2022 08:03

The parents need to take responsibility and take the little girl somewhere where she will be able to play and possibly make some friends. If my children were this age again. I wouldn't be letting them do this.

Ratpatootie · 15/03/2022 07:17

I am an EXTREMELY private person and this would absolutely drive me crazy! I agree with PPs who say turn on the hose and block the gaps.

HBEE93 · 15/03/2022 17:07

Your being unreasonable the child is 6. Children are shy and most likely wants to join in play or be included. If you don’t want to let your child to play then ask her if she would like to play another day 🙄

Lweji · 17/03/2022 07:45

Unless you have no neighbours, or your property is huge, your back garden isn't exactly private, is it?

SWampi · 18/03/2022 01:47

young kids are curious about the nutters that live next door. it is only natural for them to try and satisfy their curiosity, try not walking around your back yard with no clothes on, that just arouses their curiosity even more- they go off wondering how anyone could get so fat

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