To not want child spying on us in our garden?

[NorthernMoon]

Our neighbour lets her daughter (age 6) peer through our back gate or a crack in the back fence quietly watching us, with her nose up against the fence. The houses aren’t next to each other, she comes down the lane behind the houses and stares in. I know she does this because her mum has told me, and yesterday I could see her feet at the bottom of the gate.
My child is friends with her and she comes to play sometimes. I don’t mind her coming in to play when we’ve arranged it, but I do mind being secretly watched in my garden and the parents thinking it’s ok to let them. Also it’s awkward knowing they’re there watching us when I don’t always want to invite them in.

AIBU to think parents should stop their child from staring through a crack in someone’s fence/gate because it’s rude?
AIBU to think I’m entitled to privacy in my own garden?

I know she’s only a kid but it’s mostly about the parents not stopping it, and also about setting boundaries with neighbours as I don’t want to have to invite them in every time the child appears at the back gate.

@Pregnagainagain

The parent has told you because they think it will make you invite her in, which will turn into get constantly appearing

Isn't that a good thing for kids to have neighbourhood friends that they can organise themselves to play with?

It's weird. I'd cover the gap and if that doesn't work start planting things that need watering in that vicinity. Keep repeating until they bugger off.

@LubaLuca

Open the gate and tell her to stop being nosy and go home. A 6 year old will be embarrassed and frightened of being told off again, so she won't do it again.

This. Every single time. We used to have next door but one neighbours who build a bloody tree house. Their teenage boys used to sit in there watching us in the garden. We ended up moving, not because of that but it was annoying.

I feel a bit sorry for the child. Maybe she likes you. A lot of children stare. She is so young.

Maybe she likes you.

And there have we it, the guilt tripping call to women, to place the feelings of a random child over their own.

@NowEvenBetter, so its a 'personal attack' to use the word 'bitches' to a group of grown women on the internet but its fine and dandy to think that a child could be hosed down with water, leave dog shit out for the child to step in or make sure she can hear explicit adult conversation?

Wow!

How about just saying to child, 'sorry, so-so is not playing today so I think you should pop along home'

@LubaLuca

Open the gate and tell her to stop being nosy and go home. A 6 year old will be embarrassed and frightened of being told off again, so she won't do it again.

What parallel universe do you live in? We had the exact same problem with a youngster who lived in a house adjoining the bottom of our garden. Used to climb the fence and literally hang on the top looking into our garden, shouting, etc. No matter how many times when told her to stop, it just made her worse. We told the parents many times and they told her not to do it, but she continued. It continued for about 3 years until she finally got bored of doing it.

A child this age is looking for her friend to play.

Engage with her OP. Tell her your child is not available and go home with a smile. You don't want to frighten her, she is not a threat to you.

I used to have kids everyday at home when my own were little. They would invite themselves or appear in my front step wanting to come and play without shame. It's a time I will always rembermber as the happiest in my life - it was lovely.

Don't look at this small girl as the enemy, talk to her. Ask her how she is and what she's looking for, you'll be surprised what she says and how she responds to your kindness.

Just remember its the parents fault and not the 6 year old who doesnt know any better.

Dont do anything which would hurt the child.

[quote thebabessavedme]@NowEvenBetter, so its a 'personal attack' to use the word 'bitches' to a group of grown women on the internet but its fine and dandy to think that a child could be hosed down with water, leave dog shit out for the child to step in or make sure she can hear explicit adult conversation?

Wow!

How about just saying to child, 'sorry, so-so is not playing today so I think you should pop along home'[/quote]
You really don't understand the meaning of the words 'personal attack' do you.

Netmums is thataway -->

Absolutely ridiculous suggesting op gets the hosepipe out on this child.

You are not wrong to feel as you do however this girl is being enabled to do this by her parents and she doesn’t know any better. If anything I’ve got sympathy for her.

I’d probably let her in - even for a few minutes then send her back home!!

I used to have kids everyday at home when my own were little. They would invite themselves or appear in my front step wanting to come and play without shame. It's a time I will always remember as the happiest in my life - it was lovely

I'm on team @Alondra
When I was little me the kids across the street would call on each other and play with each other all the time. There was no expectation that parents organised children's play. It was brilliant for us and the adults. I am delighted that my kids have this same experience thanks to the child next door.

II am genuinely taken aback by some of the attitudes here. This situation seems like a win/win boon to me. Kids being able to call on their own friends is brilliant for all concerned.

@Lockheart

No wonder MN is full of people who don't speak to their neighbours if their first reaction to a mild annoyance is to turn a hosepipe on a small child / start screeching about perverts / leave dog shit on a footpath.

Does no-one use their words anymore? How the hell are you raising your children to deal with problems?

OP, YANBU to not want the girl to do this. A quick word with the parents or a gentle rebuke to the girl is all that should be needed. And get some good tall plants.

In the real world nobody is trying any of the things they have suggested. These threads invariably turn into a competition where posters desperately try and outwit each other with ridiculous suggestions, probably in the hope that someone will reply to them praising how funny they are with the old adage of “oh you win MN today”

What is the parent doing while she is looking in? How long does she do it for? Is it because she is checking it your child is out playing and wants to join in?

@millytilly34

I feel a bit sorry for the child. Maybe she likes you. A lot of children stare. She is so young.

It's not guilt tripping to women, I would be disgusted by an adult male being nasty about a child of that age staring. I used to stare at my male neighbour as a small child, I was lonely and I liked him. Children are often fascinated by things we adults find dull. I would watch him mow his lawn and copy him, pretending I was mowing my mums lawn. He would laugh and give me biscuits. Don't try and guilt trip me for my expectation that grown adults behave kindly to very, very young children. There are adults on here suggesting turning a hosepipe on a six year old and, yes, you should feel guilty if you would do something like that, male or female.

Just shout

" JIM, put your trousers on, and her mother are here ."

@BoodleBug51

DD had this last summer with the young girl next door to them. She liked to play with the girls, but she was such a difficult child that the girls really didn't like playing with her..... so she'd call out constantly and pull chairs up to the fence throwing things over. After a week of it, DD had had enough and they put trellis up across the top of the fence with willow screening.

The Mum was very sniffy about it, and told DD that it had really upset her DD and she'd cried lots because she liked talking to the girls over the fence and DD would need take it down again because she didn't like her DD to be sad This girl was 4.

confused here who put the trellis up? your neighbours?

Children are often fascinated by things we adults find dull. I would watch him mow his lawn and copy him, pretending I was mowing my mums lawn. He would laugh and give me biscuits. Don't try and guilt trip me for my expectation that grown adults behave kindly to very, very young children

Agree absolutely. To accuse someone of sexist guilt tripping when all they are making is a plea for normal human decency and community to a young child has to be one of the most depressingly mad things I have read on this place.

Jeez, this thread makes it look like Margaret Thatcher had it right when she said there is no such thing as society, when a child seeking out human connection is seen as such a Bad Thing, to be repelled, and anyone who thinks its like, normal and ok, is a guilt tripping misogynist.

Open the gate say sorry child my child isn’t going to play today off you go home - she’s 6
Be nice and send her on her way. If she persists tell her more firmly to go home - I would get cross if it went on after that but you’d need to say to her parent not to allow it and block her spy holes up. She’s perhaps bored and lonely but does need to be reminded that she can’t hang about your gate when you’re not there.

Your daughter is not there I meant

@Momicrone

Start doing some watering in that area

Yeah,hey the hose out then plant some big climbers then accept you don't live in a field and you have neighbours.

I'm always amazed at these types of posts.

She's a friend of your own childs yet you're unable to tell her to do one?!

Just say something! Christ. 'Lola, pack in staring through our gate or else I'll have to do some hose piping down that end, you're going to get soaked ' Honestly, Lola's Mum, what are kids like these day eh! Chuckle chuckle.

It really doesn't need to be such an issue surely?!

Our neighbour’s built a treehouse overlooking our garden and think it’s fine for their kids to stand on it and stare into my windows. I took a photo of them on it (so they could see what we see) and sent it to the neighbour and she said I was being intrusive.🙄

Open the door, tell her not to spy and to go home. If she persists get firmer, tell her off for spying and tell her to go home.

Every time. She'll stop it pretty soon, she'll think no one can see her but she'll be mortified when she finds out.

If Mum comes to complain tell her exactly what you've stated on here.

@Bringsexyback

You could be charged with assault for purposely turning a hose pipe on a child

What law says that? Please find and show me where in law it states that.

If there are plants in front of the fence that need watering, they need watering. You can't be held responsible for a child that shouldn't be peering in through a fence that happens to get wet while you are watering your plants.