To not want child spying on us in our garden?

[NorthernMoon]

Our neighbour lets her daughter (age 6) peer through our back gate or a crack in the back fence quietly watching us, with her nose up against the fence. The houses aren’t next to each other, she comes down the lane behind the houses and stares in. I know she does this because her mum has told me, and yesterday I could see her feet at the bottom of the gate.
My child is friends with her and she comes to play sometimes. I don’t mind her coming in to play when we’ve arranged it, but I do mind being secretly watched in my garden and the parents thinking it’s ok to let them. Also it’s awkward knowing they’re there watching us when I don’t always want to invite them in.

AIBU to think parents should stop their child from staring through a crack in someone’s fence/gate because it’s rude?
AIBU to think I’m entitled to privacy in my own garden?

I know she’s only a kid but it’s mostly about the parents not stopping it, and also about setting boundaries with neighbours as I don’t want to have to invite them in every time the child appears at the back gate.

So, the parents are enabling this behaviour, and hovering around hoping you will take her off their hands?!

@Arabellla

Black bin bag

a tad harsh she's just a child

“No more peeping thank you, home time now” would probably do it. Or blocking the hole with putty/play doh.
Super odd behaviour by the parent here.

@LubaLuca

Open the gate and tell her to stop being nosy and go home. A 6 year old will be embarrassed and frightened of being told off again, so she won't do it again.

Or … don’t make the neighbours child who is only 6 frightened, and cover the fence gaps instead!!!

She's 6. Her parents are at fault. Turning a hose pipe on a 6 year old is a pretty hideous thing to do, imo.

It's fairly obvious to me that a kind but clear explanation that she shouldn't do it, is the right thing to do.

Just speak to her kindly and plainly and let her know. Some of the responses here are mad.

Hose both of them

Are you saying the parent walks the child down the lane in order to peer into your garden? For how long?

Or are they walking by and the parent lets the child peer in?

Two very different scenarios. The first is pretty far fetched (but MN dramatic) but the second, can totally see happening. Make it so she can't see in 🤷‍♀️

I would be engaging in some extremely graphic, adult conversation every time you notice her there. If an adult is with her then hopefully they will hurry her off.

Or … don’t make the neighbours child who is only 6 frightened, and cover the fence gaps instead!!!

Oh FFS, it's perfectly OK to firmly tell off a six-year-old for spying on you through a fence. She'd be briefly startled/embarrassed; she's not going to end up with PTSD and nightmares because an adult tells her not to do something. It's a firm 'don't do that, please', not a gun pointing at her head. She won't be scarred for life by the experience of not being indulged.

You're making it sound like the little girl is constantly spying on you. Is she actually just looking in when she goes past with a parent because she wants to see if her friend is in the garden?
One of those is quite normal. The other isn't.

As if any of you would actually play loud sex noises or start swearing like a trooper because a six year old is being inappropriate. That would be inappropriate. Hopefully you’re joking.

Just tell her to go away.

@Lanascz

This 100% - some people are just plain horrid 🙄

@VanGoghsDog - yep… It was in the Netherlands. They eat weird stuff for breakfast. God knows why she wanted Mayo. Who knows? Maybe she was making their lunch? As for leaving my door locked, DH had opened it and let the dog out for a wee, then both of them had gone off for a morning stroll. He hadn’t re-locked it as we were stirring and soon to be up.

A lot of small children are nosey, especially if they come across gaps and holes in fences etc, they just have to peep,or stare through things..

Years ago, when I lived elsewhere, there was a little lad next door, and he use to stare through a gap in my fence quite often. He once went home and told his Mum, that there was a big snake and a dead cat on my lawn.. The snake was some long thin metal piping stuff, for a job I was doing, and the dead cat, was my cat fast asleep near a shady shrub on a hot day.

Another time, he went and told his Dad, that I had killed someone outside my back door. He had notice some bright red paint on slab of concrete that I had knocked over when painting something outside.

He has probably grown up to be a forensic scientist now, with his observation powers.

@JimmyDurham

Why not just plug the gaps in the fence?

This seems so startlingly obvious, that surely there must be some reason it’s not possible. 🤔

Oh fgs don’t be so dramatic about it and just cover the gaps in the fence, even if you have to pin black bin liners to it! We had a then 4 year old neighbour years ago and I swear her parents sent her up to us every time they saw we were outside!!! Then there was a little boy similar age who roamed the street from early morning until literally bedtime. He threw stones at our back window and told me that my “daddy” (DH, lol) had scolded him!!

I never would have considered hosing either of them. They were just little. The first one grew up to be sensible and mature holding down a responsible job. No idea about the boy. They moved a couple of years later, dumping their 2 cats behind them. The portents were not good…!!

As long as she's not wearing a scarlet sash you're probably safe.

Next time you see her do it, either cover the gap WHILE she is peeping in (without saying anything), or approach the fence without obviously noticing her, go right up to it and suddenly put your eye up to the gap and tell her to stop.

He threw stones at our back window and told me that my “daddy” (DH, lol) had scolded him!!

Aaww!

A lot of over-dramatic responses here, IMO.

It's something that kids do - hence the cartoon character Keyhole Kate as above (from The Dandy)

I’m surprised so many people are being so harsh. ‘Spying? Peeping Tom?’ It’s all a bit OTT. It’s your child’s friend, not an adult stranger!
Is she just looking in for a minute or two when they pass or standing there for huge lengths of time frequently? I would have thought the first one is completely normal and I’d let my child do it if we knew the person and it wouldn’t mean I wanted you to invite them in to take them off my hands 🙄 just kids being excited to spot a friend. Can you not just shout hello? That’s probably all she wants?
If they come up on purpose for long lengths of time then that is a bit strange-maybe the mother is lonely/bored? In that case again I’d say hello, sorry we’re busy today so can’t play, see you tomorrow at school etc etc

God there always ONE weirdo kid who has to be a complete starecat.

I had neighbours like that. The kids could stand for days just staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaring at someone.

I find it to be mindless and downright ignorant.

Turn the hose on the kid. As much as necessary.

I would just get a pack of drawing pins and newspapers to cover the holes - she's hardly going to stand there if she can't see.

Obviously she wants to play, and both her and her parents expects you to invite her in, especially if the parents are around as you say.

Just tell her your dd can't play today, and to stop peeping into the garden because it's uncomfortable and rude.