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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s not fair to say I’ve ‘cancelled 4 times’?

483 replies

floorbird · 06/03/2022 13:01

NC as identifiable.

Fairly new friend, we met via an activity our DC attend. She saw an ad for another activity (for DC but to be honest it’s more of a parent social thing as babies don’t get much out of these things I suppose) and we agreed to go together.

The first time we planned to go to this activity I stupidly mixed the dates up. I have no idea how, I just had it in my head it was on one day but it was the day before. She went, asked what happened and I explained and apologised. We then went to the next one together and had a great time.

The next week, I couldn’t go as I was waiting for PCR results (neg).

The week after that, I had to cancel as I’d been in contact with a covid pos person. Can’t be helped. She went alone. I wondered if she seemed a bit short in her texts but assumed I was imagining it because it’s not like I could do anything about being in contact with a positive person.

The next week (a couple of days ago) I was unable to go because I’d been visiting sister in another city and with the baby being up all night and one thing or another the day got away from me (as it does with a young child!) and I wouldn’t have made it back to the place the activity is on time. I explained this to her and apologised profusely (I understand this would have been really annoying but it couldn’t be helped). She didn’t reply.

I texted her today to arrange us going to the next event together and she said seeing as I’ve cancelled four times she’ll just see me there if I make it. I haven’t cancelled 4 times?! The first time was a genuine mistake. 2nd time was waiting for covid test result. The 3rd time I was isolating. The 4th time yes I will admit I cancelled. But that’s one time. I haven’t replied yet, I’m annoyed that she’s acting like I’ve said ‘can’t be bothered’ 4 times! Confused

AIBU to be annoyed that she’s annoyed? Also it’s not like me not being there means she can’t go or enjoy the event. It’s not as if I had invited her round to mine and then just not answered the door!

OP posts:
cansu · 06/03/2022 21:05

You are not reliable. I think her solution of seeing you there is perfect.

MurmuratingStarling · 06/03/2022 21:06

@Jules912

If you're in England no one needs to isolate any more ( though I would if I actually had Covid). I have a friend who is like this, always late and sometimes cancels as "time got away from her". I try to be understanding as she has ADHD but I also only meet her places where I ( or at least the kids) would be happy to go even if she doesn't show.
If people DO have a condition that means they apparently can't help 'being late' then how on earth do they cope with other aspects of their life? Like getting to work on time, getting to appointments on time (hospital/GP/dentist/job interview etc,) and how do they manage to catch the train or plane or bus on time?

It seems to me that people who don't turn upon time to meet a friend, do this for no other reason than they think THEIR time is more important than that of the person they're meeting. They also have very little respect for them, and clearly don't value the friendship much.

I'd tolerate someone cancelling on me, or being stupidly late, 3 times tops, then I wouldn't be arsed with them anymore. They have fuck-all respect or thought for me, so why should I be fucked with them?

floorbird · 06/03/2022 21:06

@CowsAreNotGreen

I hope she stands you up now if I'm honest.
why? What’s it to you?
OP posts:
CowsAreNotGreen · 06/03/2022 21:07

I hate to see good people treated badly and then keep going back for more

phishy · 06/03/2022 21:08

@floorbird

well we’ve arranged to meet for coffee again before the next one so no harm done Smile
Sure 😂
phishy · 06/03/2022 21:09

why? What’s it to you?

She didn’t say it was up to her 🙄

floorbird · 06/03/2022 21:11

@phishy

why? What’s it to you?

She didn’t say it was up to her 🙄

what? Confused
OP posts:
MurmuratingStarling · 06/03/2022 21:17

@CowsAreNotGreen

I hope she stands you up now if I'm honest.

@floorbird

why? What’s it to you?

That's put YOU in your place cowsarenotgreen 🤣

floorbird · 06/03/2022 21:28

@CowsAreNotGreen

I hate to see good people treated badly and then keep going back for more
you don’t know either of us so don’t worry about it
OP posts:
phishy · 06/03/2022 21:32

you don’t know either of us so don’t worry about it

She’s not worried about you

Beees · 06/03/2022 21:35

Given you're online and replying maybe you could reply to some of those who think you're being unreasonable... You know the majority of the 1600 people who have voted.

Do you conceed you have been unreasonable?

Do you agree she is being the most patient human on the planet to give you another chance?

Have you apologised to her?

If you don't turn up again will you still consider her rude if she points out she's disappointed and expect her to run after you and be your friend?

MrsMingech · 06/03/2022 21:40

Having just read the OP's posts, wowzers.
The rudeness.

Your friend is well shot.

RedRoseRay · 06/03/2022 21:40

You sound just like my sister in law. She’s always got an excuse for repeatedly letting people down, gets offended when her apologies aren’t accepted and thinks her life is tougher than others when it isn’t. It why her friendships never last very long. You could be twins.

Blinkingheckythump · 06/03/2022 21:41

Op "am I being unreasonable?" pretty much everyone "yes" op "well I'm not". Don't ask if you're so sure!

MrsMingech · 06/03/2022 21:41

@Beees

Given you're online and replying maybe you could reply to some of those who think you're being unreasonable... You know the majority of the 1600 people who have voted.

Do you conceed you have been unreasonable?

Do you agree she is being the most patient human on the planet to give you another chance?

Have you apologised to her?

If you don't turn up again will you still consider her rude if she points out she's disappointed and expect her to run after you and be your friend?

Not even just the majority, 96% in favour of the OP's friend.
MurmuratingStarling · 06/03/2022 21:41

That is a MASSIVE majority for YABU. Why do you think you're not @floorbird ???

Hisea · 06/03/2022 21:41

OP when you see her please explain to her she has it easier as she has 3 kids and you only have 1 Grin

JennyForeigner · 06/03/2022 21:45

I've got three babies. If I had to miss one meetup with a new friend, I'd be apologetic.

If I missed two, I'd either have a very good reason and make it up it up to them properly, or accept that the arrangement doesn't work for me, frankly and sincerely apologize and not make plans with other people until I was ready not to waste their time.

MurmuratingStarling · 06/03/2022 21:46

If I had cancelled on someone 4 times, I don't think I'd be able to look them in the eye again. I'd be so embarrassed and ashamed.

Babyboomtastic · 06/03/2022 21:46

What do you think the chances are of the OP expecting the friend to pay because having 1 child is expensive, but having 3 is cheaper 😂

stuntbubbles · 06/03/2022 21:51

you don’t know either of us so don’t worry about it
I think you’ve missed the point of Mumsnet and the internet in general.

JennyForeigner · 06/03/2022 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

TrashyPanda · 06/03/2022 22:08

you don’t know either of us so don’t worry about it
96% of the folk on this thread have compassion and empathy for other people being treated badly.

As Hardy said, she is “more sinned against than sinning”.

donquixotedelamancha · 06/03/2022 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

FluffyBooBoo · 07/03/2022 00:00

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Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

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