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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s not fair to say I’ve ‘cancelled 4 times’?

483 replies

floorbird · 06/03/2022 13:01

NC as identifiable.

Fairly new friend, we met via an activity our DC attend. She saw an ad for another activity (for DC but to be honest it’s more of a parent social thing as babies don’t get much out of these things I suppose) and we agreed to go together.

The first time we planned to go to this activity I stupidly mixed the dates up. I have no idea how, I just had it in my head it was on one day but it was the day before. She went, asked what happened and I explained and apologised. We then went to the next one together and had a great time.

The next week, I couldn’t go as I was waiting for PCR results (neg).

The week after that, I had to cancel as I’d been in contact with a covid pos person. Can’t be helped. She went alone. I wondered if she seemed a bit short in her texts but assumed I was imagining it because it’s not like I could do anything about being in contact with a positive person.

The next week (a couple of days ago) I was unable to go because I’d been visiting sister in another city and with the baby being up all night and one thing or another the day got away from me (as it does with a young child!) and I wouldn’t have made it back to the place the activity is on time. I explained this to her and apologised profusely (I understand this would have been really annoying but it couldn’t be helped). She didn’t reply.

I texted her today to arrange us going to the next event together and she said seeing as I’ve cancelled four times she’ll just see me there if I make it. I haven’t cancelled 4 times?! The first time was a genuine mistake. 2nd time was waiting for covid test result. The 3rd time I was isolating. The 4th time yes I will admit I cancelled. But that’s one time. I haven’t replied yet, I’m annoyed that she’s acting like I’ve said ‘can’t be bothered’ 4 times! Confused

AIBU to be annoyed that she’s annoyed? Also it’s not like me not being there means she can’t go or enjoy the event. It’s not as if I had invited her round to mine and then just not answered the door!

OP posts:
Whinge · 06/03/2022 19:41

@floorbird

well we’ve arranged to meet for coffee again before the next one so no harm done Smile
Ah yes of course you have, even though in your OP you say just this afternoon she texted you saying seeing as I’ve cancelled four times she’ll just see me there if I make it.

That's quite a convenient turn around. 😉

CowsAreNotGreen · 06/03/2022 19:42

I assume she doesn't know you've been on mumsnet slagging her off...

Sofiegiraffe · 06/03/2022 19:43

@floorbird

well we’ve arranged to meet for coffee again before the next one so no harm done Smile

Let's hope she doesn't see this thread in the meantime ...

badg3r · 06/03/2022 19:45

In her shoes I would be annoyed too if she is setting aside time to see you before and you are cancelling late. By my third kid I needed every minute of the day and I would have been annoyed having an hour or so wasted.

CowsAreNotGreen · 06/03/2022 19:46

You should probably pay for her coffee

Daisy4569 · 06/03/2022 19:46

I’d definitely be offering to buy the coffee and cake!

Fireworksatforty · 06/03/2022 19:49

I had a friend like this. We haven't spoken now for about 5 years! She
always cancelled on me and it was really irritating. I couldn't rely on her to turn up so arranged things with others instead.

lap90 · 06/03/2022 19:50

Just make sure you don't cancel OP ;-)

Onelovelyone · 06/03/2022 19:51

Cancelling four times is a lot; I would have suggested the same as she did, as in, meeting you there. I think YABU not her. Apologising might help as I really don’t think you have a leg to stand on being angry with her response; don’t forget, you aren’t the only one with a baby navigating these things, she is too.

PinkArt · 06/03/2022 20:22

My guess is she has found this thread and plans to forget the day/ (generic covid excuse)/ have the day run away with herself when the time comes. If not, by cripes she is optimistic.

Satansballsacks · 06/03/2022 20:28

@floorbird

well we’ve arranged to meet for coffee again before the next one so no harm done Smile
She sounds very nice.
Satansballsacks · 06/03/2022 20:30

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@floorbird

What makes you think she's acting as if it's the end of the world?

She sounds like she's just not that bothered as you've been (in her experience) flaky so she's said she'll just see you there rather than making plans.

So what on earth about that makes you think she thinks it's the end of the world?![/quote]
Exactly. I'm putting myself in this position of the friend with several children, and I am thinking that I just don't care whether we do or don't meet. If you turn up as now arranged, great. If not, equally great.

nocoolnamesleft · 06/03/2022 20:31

If I were her I'd not turn up, and see how you liked it. Not on purpose of course. I'd just get the wrong day. Or time would get away from me.

stuntbubbles · 06/03/2022 20:33

@Daisy4569

I’d definitely be offering to buy the coffee and cake!
Me too – when you know you’re not going to turn up it’s easy to offer to shout!
Beees · 06/03/2022 20:40

Just out of curiosity OP when you don't turn up next week for some reason or another is the poor women allowed to then decide she has given you enough chances or does she still keep having to make an effort despite knowing you're going to continually bail on her?

Disclaimer I'm not actually expecting an answer to this question however as I've not showered you in praise, told you you're in the right or agreed she is being unreasonable... Hmm

MurmuratingStarling · 06/03/2022 20:41

I am sure you are genuine @floorbird but I have to be honest, after 4 times of cancelling (and you DID cancel 4 times even if it was not deliberate,) I would have lost patience. YABU. I don't blame your new friend for being irked. I don't think I could be arsed with you anymore if I was her.

lemongreentea · 06/03/2022 20:43

@floorbird

well we’ve arranged to meet for coffee again before the next one so no harm done Smile
Good outcome for you OP. Your friend seems nice and easy going.
Beautiful3 · 06/03/2022 20:43

She is right though, you did cancel a few times. Just see her there, if you make it.

MurmuratingStarling · 06/03/2022 20:44

@floorbird The self isolating excuse won't wash again, as you don't need to do it now!

floorbird · 06/03/2022 20:45

[quote MurmuratingStarling]@floorbird The self isolating excuse won't wash again, as you don't need to do it now![/quote]
I’m not vaccinated so it still applies to me (unless it’s changed again)

OP posts:
MurmuratingStarling · 06/03/2022 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

MurmuratingStarling · 06/03/2022 20:53

@Flippy87

OP you don’t seem to want to listen to the vast majority of posters who think yes, YABU and rude. You are intent on believing in fact she is rude, which I think is quite telling.
This. ^
Jules912 · 06/03/2022 20:58

If you're in England no one needs to isolate any more ( though I would if I actually had Covid).
I have a friend who is like this, always late and sometimes cancels as "time got away from her". I try to be understanding as she has ADHD but I also only meet her places where I ( or at least the kids) would be happy to go even if she doesn't show.

morechocolateneededtoday · 06/03/2022 20:59

@floorbird

well we’ve arranged to meet for coffee again before the next one so no harm done Smile
While you are never going to admit it, I'm interpreting the fact that you've contacted her (and grovelled to some extent) as acceptance that you were unreasonable to be annoyed with her and do need to put some effort in if you want a friendship
CowsAreNotGreen · 06/03/2022 21:01

I hope she stands you up now if I'm honest.