DD is just turned 18. She’s been with her boyfriend a year.
Before Christmas she basically lived at his for about three months and only came home briefly once a week or so, to fetch things. She did spend Christmas Day with us but couldn’t wait to go back to his house. She spent the whole day telling us how much better and nicer his parents are than us, better food, nicer house, better Xmas tree ffs. We’ve tried really hard to not rise to this btw.
She’s been spending much more time at home since the start of the year, which has been lovely, and I gave her a job at the restaurant I manage.
She constantly asks me and DH for lifts and money. Constantly. It’s a running joke that I’ll say ‘money or a lift?’ to whoever’s next to me before answering the phone to her and it is ALWAYS one or the other. We pay for an open bus pass for her btw and she still gets £20 pocket money a month on top of about £200 pt wage (pocket money is to match what we give 10yo DS because she said it was unfair).
So this is all background. Yesterday she was meant to be working until midnight. She usually gets a lift home with me, or a colleague, or the boyfriend but none of us were finishing at the same time. The last bus home was 11.15.
I said that was absolutely fine, and changed her hours to finish at 11pm.
She then said to DH that she couldn’t (as in she’d asked me and I’d said no) leave work early and he’d have to pick her up at midnight. The lie fell apart as soon as I got home, obviously, and I told her she’d be leaving at 11pm and getting the bus home. She said ok.
Her boyfriend’s mother drove her home.
She had phoned this woman and told her we’d left her stranded in town with no way of getting home. So she’d driven a half hour round trip to pick the poor stranded child up and take her home.
DD was quite proud to tell us this. ‘X cares about my safety and didn’t want me getting a late bus home’. I cannot get my head round DD phoning this woman, lying to her about the situation. And being quite happy for her to come out late at night to take her home to save herself a fifteen fucking minute bus ride.
I get the impression she has told BFs parents we are basically starving and stranding her. We’ve never met them despite asking.
I don’t have any contact details for them but I do know the house (having dropped DD there countless times despite being an awful parent who never gives lifts). I feel like I need to tell them that we are not the abusive neglectful parents DD is making out!
She is always asking for money for lunch, a big bugbear of mine, when we have a house full of food. I’m pretty sure she makes out to his parents that we starve her. I’m just not giving her a fiver a day for lunch at college. And I often find out they’ve picked her up from college or they drop her home, it’s all walkable and she has an open (expensive!) bus pass.
Should I talk to them? Or do I need to get over this and let her manipulate them into parenting her?
It also doesn’t feel great that DD is happy to lie and manipulate like this but I don’t know how to get through to her.