What are the rudest/funniest things people have ever said to you?

[Janeyjacke]

Mine were a friend in high school (we were around 15) "You'd be so pretty if only you got your teeth fixed."
I have a long European surname, and my first name has 3 syllabes. I phoned up about a job once, told the guy my full name. He repeated it to me as a question, and then laughed down the phone at it.

Told by my abusive ex partner several years ago that I was 'nothing', and a 'parasite'. I had done nothing to warrant this.

Not really rude but just amusing, when I was 27 a friend's partner told me that if I wanted to have kids I'd really better hurry up 'with my age'. Would be interested to hear others.

Had a customer at work in
the shop last year.. I was trying to feed the carrier bags onto elastic when he came up. I asked him to wait a second and explained I had dyspraxia and it affected my coordination... He barked at me that I was in the wrong job.... I fixed him with my best Paddington stare and replied that I was in the right job but it took me a little longer to get things done... When I told the area manager a few weeks later he said that he thought my reply was very restrained!

I had a lovely friend who once told me a guy she knew was really kind and generous describing him as “ the kind of bloke that would lend you his arse if you needed a shit “😬😂

When I was pregnant with my youngest a woman turned to me and 'oh how lovely you're having twins right'! I was not and was only 30 weeks gone! My bump was measuring ahead and as I'm slim it was all bump but I thought that was pretty rude I just played along was too embarrassed to correct her!!

‘You look tired. REALLY tired’

‘No, I mean it. You look REALLY REALLY TIRED’

Taxi driver told me this. I was just having a normal day, I have no idea why he felt the need to share his observations with me

@dogaibu, I am so sorry that your father said this to you. Favouritism is never right and even if he felt that way he should never have said so or showed it. I hope, despite this, you are able to have a good relationship with your sister. There have been many hurtful things said to people on this thread but I found this one the worst of all. I really sympathise with your fifteen-year-old self.🌼🌸

The hurtful and rude comments made to all you lovely and beautiful women are truly shocking!! To remember them so many years after they were said makes me realise how powerful words can be.

‘Do you find yourself feeling inadequate compared to other people you know who’ve had proper careers?’ I spent a large part of my life caring for a disabled child- I’m very happy with this and don’t feel less than anyone else. I said this to her…

WalkingOnTheCracks
Years ago I had the same reaction from a assistant in Harrods. I was looking for some crystal decorations to hang from some crystal candlesticks (we were into big dinner parties at the time) and asked the assistant where to find them. He actually rolled his eyes at me as he said "They are very expensive Modam" in the most fake posh accent I'd ever heard!

A million years ago (it feels like) my niece asked me

Uncle Sussex, "are you a man or a lady?"
Whilst Mum was open-mouthed in horror I asked "What do you think?"
"Well, you look like a man, but you've got curly wurly hair like a lady so I don't know".

I was about twenty and at university. I was walking home across the market square on a hot day. I was definitely not at my slimmest, but not huge at size 14 (would love to be a size 14 now!!), though do have an excessively large bust, which I often think makes me look bigger than I am. I was wearing pink shorts and a pink T-Shirt - perhaps not the best choice of attire in hindsight but I thought I looked ok... Anyway, one of the market traders, a youngish one, probably around my age at the time, looked at me, laughed out loud and said "YOU are a big, fat pig." I still remember the shame I felt. There was just no need.

A relative once shut the door on my sibling's partner during a family get together, and claimed "I didn't see him there." For an inkling of context it was night time but our hallway had a very good light. Sibling's partner is black.

Funnier is when another relative in end stages of dementia said to me "Weather, you look really good for......for however old you are."

I remember a little girl staring at me on the bus when I had infected root canal. She then asked her mum really loudly, 'Why does that lady have one normal side of her face and one really ugly one?'

@DrSbaitso

Bloke once told me, apropos of nothing, that I had huge tits. I looked down and screamed very loudly and very suddenly in complete surprise and shock (because I'd never noticed, you see). Scared the crap out of him.

Prick.

That is brilliant! I would love to have seen that.

@Comedycook

There's a really funny checkout operator at my local supermarket. She's totally dead pan and comes across as grumpy and friendly at the same time. One day she was scanning my shopping and said in the most monotone disinterested voice "you but the same old crap every week don't you?!". It was such a comedy moment...she's classic!

That's brilliant

I get loads from my SN DS. "Your lame" (I happen to have no feeling on one side) A."yes and are you going to fix it?"
In a frustrated angry voice when I am telling him to brush his teeth - "why don't you go to Australia" A."yes please, can you give me the fare?". I insist on teeth cleaning and hand washing, so "You are the worst Mummy in the whole wide world!!" A. "I am sure Putin's Mummy is disappointed as well..." Fortunately all these exchanges end in giggles.
On proper insults, coming down the stairs after spending 40 mins doing my eye make-up my DF asked me if I intended to look like a Panda. harsh but actually fair.

First time in my life I had plucked up the courage to go to a friend's house for tea (aged 11). Had never agreed to go to anyone's house for tea before due to severe anxiety. At the table, her mother, in front of her older 5 brothers and sisters declared "you're painfully shy aren't you. Painfully shy". She kept repeating it and all her brothers and sisters laughed their heads off.

It just cemented every awful thing I had thought about my self. Took years to get over it.

Discovered a long time later that her mother was an alcoholic and was prone to outbursts. It allowed me to understand but didn't really help with the hurt.

A man told me that he found me really attractive. He then went on to say that this was strange as he was normally only attracted to men-did he mean I looked like a man?

A mutual friend talking about my ex who had found a new girlfriend said "why does he always pick mingers??" 😵‍💫

Not sure how he wanted me to answer that given he'd just called me a minger.

Guy I met online, on the second date "I am sure surprised we matched. I never really look for women of your age". He was 13 months younger than me, and my age if not older. Needless to say that was our second and last date ever

• he looked my age if not older

Got into a lift with my DC in a push chair when she was between 9-18 months. A man was in the lift with a woman & told me that I shouldn't be taking the lift and pointed to another man in the lift and "he should be carrying the push chair up the stairs". I hadn't set eyes on this other man who was supposed to have carried my push chair, except that he was the same race as me!!

None of it funny. Sad that people can be so ugly in the way they speak to others. Those comments stick, unfortunately. Please be kind. Always.

Several years ago booked a B&B in Edinburgh, mainly for the central location but DH and I were intrigued by the TA reviews that referred to the owner as a Basil Fawlty type. When showing us to our room, he described the shower as being quite small, "but your wife should still manage to fit in it".

Previous boss (male) told me I needed to have another child or I'd "ruin" my daughter (we are actually really good friends). I'm still one and done!

Mum told me age 13 if I was one of her friend's kids she'd feel sorry for them. We didn't get on well then! But are close now.