To have used a MALAPROPISM

[Monty27]

To try to impress on date 😲
And the date laughed at it, I went scarlet and wanted the earth to open and swallow me up.
What's yours or a friend's, family? What's your experience of this please tell me I'm not alone 😱😂

@aWolfinSheepsclothing, the wooden Arcitrave framing round the door.

I did tell my elderly parents a few weeks ago that I was going to buy a 'profhilatic' oven, I meant one of those ovens that clean themselves at high tempreture , for old people they can laugh bloody loud

I wanted to be a solicitor when I was at school and would always tell people I wanted to get into soliciting!

My friend’s mother told me she had flown over the grand canon during her recent holiday in America.

@BusinessMindThoughts

'the more the less the more the better'

This is going to be my new mantra

What's the cafetiere one supposed to be?

Catheter I think.

I had a client who described herself as “inconsistent” instead of incontinent. I managed to keep a straight face.

My DH came home drunk from a night out and told me not to tell anyone but his friend is incompetent. I couldn't work out what he meant to start with but soon became apparent during the drunken ramblings he meant impotent

When I was a young teen and freshly landed on these shores, my host family asked me to cycle to the village shop for some tobacco.
'It is Golden Vagina that you like?' Said I in my not great English.
'Yes' the bastards said, and off I went.
The elderly shop lady was not amused and made me repeat it several times.

@MistyGreenAndBlue

DH, when something annoys him, tells me "it really gets my gander up" He absolutely won't have it that he's saying it wrong.

My DH says ‘it gets on my goat’ he won’t have it either that he’s mixing up gets on my nerves and gets my goat’!

I seem to remember an awful lot of useless details.
Good friend of mine told a group of people
"Notime has a photogenic memory"

Colleague who pronounces lasagne as "lazanne" will not be moved on this however often it's pointed out. And don't get me started on the whole "specific" "pacific" thing which is a constant in often high level meetings.

I used that once with 'depraved' instead of 'deprived'

@De88

Oh I absolutely love it when people describe geographical areas as "depraved"

Oh I've just posted about me doing this once 😂

MIL takes anti-flammables for her arthuritis. She serves peripherals with cream for dessert at Christmas. I love her to bits ☺️.

Reading a reply on a local site discussing schools, someone posted about being at ‘Second Remodern’ - made me smile.

A person I work with always comments ‘passing the book’ - no one has pulled him up on it!

Given all the people on here who are “phased” by things and “step foot” in places, you’re in good company!

I’ve been know you say ‘damp squid’

@Monty27

Ok so i was talking about a historian and said histrionic

I’m an academic, and take it from me, there is a subset of extremely histrionic historians. I think that’s rather good.

My lovely FIL always remarks of confident women ‘Oh, she rules the roast in that house’, which makes me imagine women carving joints in a lordly manner and baring their teeth at family members who want any.

@Notimeforaname

I seem to remember an awful lot of useless details. Good friend of mine told a group of people "Notime has a photogenic memory"

I’m sure your brain is very pretty and takes a good close-up!

Kath and Kim was brilliant for these kind of jokes. Where pacifically in the Specific Ocean are you going, Mrs D?

@FatOaf that properly made me chuckle.

@HorseInTheHouse

Kath and Kim was brilliant for these kind of jokes. Where pacifically in the Specific Ocean are you going, Mrs D?

Love Kath and Kim, they were brilliant

Someone I used to work with loved Greek food. She would always tell us when she was making 'mousskacka' for tea.

DH was in hospital for a day procedure and was quite nervous, I asked the nurse if there was any chance he could have a viagra. Bless her she kept a straight face and said no viagra but could see about a valium

Not quite a malapropism but I do get the meaning of phrases mixed up sometimes.

My mum used to tell me not to rest of my laurels during exam prep as a teenager. I thought she was telling me not to be lazy.

Fast forward 20 years and I tell my PhD supervisor that I had been resting on my laurels that week but would get back to work next week.

She gave me a funny look.

When I was a kid I would announce I was “ravishing” instead of ravenous