To have used a MALAPROPISM

[Monty27]

To try to impress on date 😲
And the date laughed at it, I went scarlet and wanted the earth to open and swallow me up.
What's yours or a friend's, family? What's your experience of this please tell me I'm not alone 😱😂

I spoke abour garters with a new walking group once instead of gaiters

I have a friend who continually says "molly cuddled" about kids we know

My current favourite is a patient telling everyone she has a cafetière.

Someone asked me for a favour the other day, then said they realised it was a "lion shot".

School have a chapel and weekly services.

Arrived just before the start of service and pushed a reluctant child in front of the deputy head proudly stating “tom is here now to carry the incest in the processional “

Still dying now…

@KeepYaHeadUp

My friend often uses malapropisms. Her daughter was misbehaving one day she was told she was "skating on eggshells".

She also made us all dinner once and said "I'm not barking up my own tree but that was delicious!"

Mixed metaphors, not a malapropisms.

A project I am currently managing (health) only serves a specific set of patients. They are the ‘eligible’ cohort.

In every conversation they will be referred to by at least one person as the legible or illegible cohort.

A neighbour’s husband had hurt himself playing football. I asked how he was and she told me that he’d been advised to rub horse ligament into his leg. Another time she was redecorating and said that she was considering putting a dildo rail up the stairs, but didn’t want to geld the lily (I still don’t know how I kept a straight face at that one!). Another classic was her opinion that the worst part of child birth was the anenome. Also, her nephew was injured falling off a trampoline and she reckoned he was going to be in contraction for weeks.

A teenage boy doing the Bible reading in chapel unable to pronounce "Gentiles". You can guess what he kept repeating instead.

@Trekles

I have a friend who described an underweight horse as emancipated .

Maybe it managed to slip it's bridle...

I had a friend who would say figures crossed instead of fingers crossed when hoping for luck. I thought I'd misheard at first but then I saw it in writing a few times too.
Once she said it and I agreed, saying yes Fingers crossed emphasing the fingers part. Putting my crossed fingers up at the same time.
She still said it wrong after and also probably thinks I'm mad.

DH, when something annoys him, tells me "it really gets my gander up"
He absolutely won't have it that he's saying it wrong.

A colleague used to say ‘rest bite’ instead of respite. I rather like it because a respite is like a little bite of rest before you get back into things

@40thanniversayfastapproacning - dammit! Is that like a massive, massive malapropism on my part?!

Ok, also massively outing, but someone I used to work with used to say "misulwell" instead of "might as well". Which was wonderful, but when she wrote me a note and I realised she spelled it "misulwell" that was the icing on the cake

My friend cut her hand on a 'segregated' knife and has also needed a new door 'alcartraz' because the dog had chewed it up to the handle.

my brother has annouced about a situation 'the more the less the more the better' and also he will 'jump off that bridge when he gets to it'

I do like a mixed metaphor. No good crying after the spilt milk has bolted.

'the more the less the more the better'

This is going to be my new mantra

What's the cafetiere one supposed to be?

Someone I know once said ‘well I’m surprised she’s not asleep as she is a necrophaeliac’ very loudly in a restaurant. She meant narcoleptic.

She also told a child - about a horse. ‘If he doesn’t move just give him a good yank.’ But replace the y with a w.

‘I don’t give one aorta!’

‘Damp squid’

I could go on

@BusinessMindThoughts

'the more the less the more the better'

This is going to be my new mantra

What's the cafetiere one supposed to be?

Catheter I imagine.

It's fairly common, I think, but I lost all respect for the writer in our student paper who wrote that someone was a 'pre-Madonna'...

My DH does this as lot. He says twenty ten vision and instead of opponent he says component. The list of things goes on and on and I could be here all day. I've learnt not to try and correct him or he gets arsey, so I just inwardly chuckle to myself.

I can’t work out what door ‘Alcatraz’ should be, help

thats the thing @BusinessMindThoughts, we all knew exactly what he meant and we all use it to this day

someone once described me as a 'minefield of information' - still laugh about that now and then