To have used a MALAPROPISM

[Monty27]

To try to impress on date 😲
And the date laughed at it, I went scarlet and wanted the earth to open and swallow me up.
What's yours or a friend's, family? What's your experience of this please tell me I'm not alone 😱😂

I gave my old headteachers name as a referee. I wasn’t able to ask him before doing it so I wrote him a note to tell him that I ‘ had taken the liability of giving his name’. Of course I meant liberty. To make it worse I had a feeling something wasn’t right with the word before as I wrote it but couldn’t think what. My face still goes red when I think about it.

My friend once replied to a job offer saying she “defiantly accepted” instead of “definitely”

Oh boy, the p3dants on mn would rescind the offer!

@sorryforswearing

I gave my old headteachers name as a referee. I wasn’t able to ask him before doing it so I wrote him a note to tell him that I ‘ had taken the liability of giving his name’. Of course I meant liberty. To make it worse I had a feeling something wasn’t right with the word before as I wrote it but couldn’t think what. My face still goes red when I think about it.

🤣

"Good tidings we bring, to you and your kids"

• my daughter. I don't ever plan to correct her.

@Sassypants82

"Good tidings we bring, to you and your kids"

• my daughter. I don't ever plan to correct her.

That's a Mondegreen surely?

Crawling along in very slow traffic. DS pipes up from the back 'This is like watching teeth dry!'

My aunt said she didn't like going to the local lake as there were a lot of midgets about!

A woman I work with comes out with them on a daily basis.

Today's was that someone came up talking to her full of springs.

She meant full of the joys of spring obvs, but I love her and I would never be such a twat as to correct her.

Another was she had a crazy dream about a two's army.

She meant tsunami

I love her ❤

Both, I think.

My grandmother suffered from Alzheimers Disease. Or as my husband called it, Old Timers Disease. He also insists on calling county lines 'town and country gangs.'

Not mine, but someone told me about her gran's habit of calling those doily things you have on the backs of chairs 'anti-massacres'.

@Spidey66

My grandmother suffered from Alzheimers Disease. Or as my husband called it, Old Timers Disease. He also insists on calling county lines 'town and country gangs.'

I quite like the idea of ‘Town and Country’ gangs. Probably wearing Barbour and wellies for their country exploits before slipping into a blazer and red cords when nipping up to town.

@Erinyes
Not quite the vision I have of county lines, but nice one anyway

@ilovepixie

My aunt said she didn't like going to the local lake as there were a lot of midgets about!

Someone I know who has English as their second language pronounces midges as minges.

There were lots of minges when they went camping

My Nan once came back from the hairdressers and told us all about the wonderful 'blowjob' she'd had.

A colleague said in a meeting that it was important to ring-piece project expenditure. (He meant ring-fence). No work got done that day.

@MissFranKubelik

ring-piece project

An appropriate description of most of what our managers think up.

I love your user name. Keep away from that Mr Sheldrake. Bud Baxter is a good guy.

Not a malapropism, but I embarrassed myself my tripping over my words and saying ‘breast pactice’ to my boss earlier

A fellow nurse was talking about someone who’d had a heart attack and said “they needed to be incubated” the person being told looked a bit surprised so I confirmed “yes it was dreadful, they had to be intubated”

We overheard stepson on FaceTime with his best friend when they were about 12. Friend said something about someone having “no self of steam”. Step son made him repeat it then said “Do you mean no self-esteem? You dumbass!”

When my MIL discovered her baking talents during pandemic, I cheerfully congratulated her on becoming our new Merry Barry

@Mummyoflittledragon

What did your date say? Was it a good date apart from that and are you intending on repeating?

Life is. I am sure I’ve uttered the odd one or two in my time. I have a friend, who does it regularly and my uncle was pretty constant. Just have to hide that little smile of embarrassment when I hear them.

We got married 🙂

Aged 10 wrote a school essay about the Pubic Wars between Rome and Carthage

I was at the hospital Friday having cataract surgery. I mentioned to the doctor a few months back I had my ball gladder out.