To have used a MALAPROPISM

[Monty27]

To try to impress on date 😲
And the date laughed at it, I went scarlet and wanted the earth to open and swallow me up.
What's yours or a friend's, family? What's your experience of this please tell me I'm not alone 😱😂

@Celledora

When I was around 8 I used the word orgasmic rather than organic and had no idea why the adults were laughing

I recall saying in Primary school that the Magna Carta was signed by King John at Ruddymede.

@BusinessMindThoughts

It's fairly common, I think, but I lost all respect for the writer in our student paper who wrote that someone was a 'pre-Madonna'...

My late mother always confused Madonna and Maradonna.

Just noticed that a poster has used the word restbite instead of respite in her thread! Sorry if its you that started the thread and you're reading this but it made me laugh!

When one of my Directors has a heavy workload and is stressed, he will announce pompously to the office that he will be incognito for the rest of the afternoon and must not to be disturbed.

*incommunicado

I once had along conversation with someone when I complained my hair had gone really frizzy and she said I should try putting semen on it. I didn’t dare correct her (she meant serum!) so I just had to pretend I hadn’t heard of it while she kept repeating it - this was years ago when it was quite a new thing.

Somehow I have never fancied hair serum and have never tried it…

We had a lovely patient who suffered terribly with his tittinus.

@SweetPotatoDumpling

On being asked what faith I was (for the purposes of a 'box ticking' on a form) I told the box ticker I was a prostitute 🤦‍♀️

When I was still teaching we used to refer to things as being chicken boxes activities, usually things from the government departments.

A damp squid

my friend once gave a patheic spreech. you know, with a lot of pathos

I heard a good one on a phone-in on local radio the other day. The caller was speaking about someone having a nice timber to their voice (she meant timbre, of course).

@marktayloruk

Remember Hylda Baker?

She knows y'know!

We used to buy our chips and fish from her sister's chippy.

I remember being laughed at by my family when I was a younger talking about ‘the emaciation of women’ and how hard they’d had to work for it!

During a design and technology lesson when I was about 12, as a class, we were asked what type of process was a play with the plastic moulding process.

I proudly shot my hand in the air, shouting ejaculation!!

*Extrusion.

A thing I never thought happened in real life.... email conversation with someone in prison and he told me rather sadly that you never get rid of some health issues, he'd had ammonia three times that year.
Seeing it written down made it worse somehow!

I once worked for a professor of finance... great with numbers, but useless with words.

I had to stop him writing a thank-you note for another professor's "gratuitous advice".

He once wrote that a financial analysis was "income pleat".

In the car on a family holiday when I was about 8, I was talking about someone getting dirt in their anus and going blind. Silence, then realised I meant to say iris. My brother started laughing and shouted that’s your bum! which just made my dad cross and me even more embarrassed.

Years ago my sister told us her new job had a circumcised canteen .

We moved to a new house when I was in Primary school. My teacher asked how my new house was. I said there was a corpse in the garden. It was actually a copse 😅 (& it was in the garden behind ours)

@Suipigz

We had a lovely patient who suffered terribly with his tittinus.

😂😂😂

Oh goody, a thread full of never happeneds

@BalladOfBarryAndFreda

Oh goody, a thread full of never happeneds

Oy, mine most definitely happened and I’ve been re-cringing since yesterday!

@BalladOfBarryAndFreda

Oh goody, a thread full of never happeneds

My ex once in an argument told me I shouldn’t ‘varnish’ all men with the same brush when he was being a shit.
He also said I ‘mummy cuddled’ my dd and it wasn’t good for her.
What a twat

I was still in primary school in the 80s when I asked whether someone was a home made sexual.

When I grew up and went into sports I thought we did strengthening exercises for caustability. Caustic soda being quite cleansing or something??? I didn't realise they meant core stability.

OH and I purposely use “ravished” instead of “famished” when we’re hungry. Makes us smile - hard to remember not to do it to other people who aren’t in on the joke!