To have used a MALAPROPISM

[Monty27]

To try to impress on date 😲
And the date laughed at it, I went scarlet and wanted the earth to open and swallow me up.
What's yours or a friend's, family? What's your experience of this please tell me I'm not alone 😱😂

I know someone who think being ruthless is fine as it's a "doggy dog world"

@puddlesofmothers

I once comment on how promiscuous someone's child was (precocious). I died a million times.

I could swear that someone started a mumsnet thread about that

I spent the first weeks of my exchange I. Paris telling everyone in French that I was very “excite” to be there. I thought it was a direct translation and meant it was excited…a few weeks in someone kindly told me that I was enthusiastically telling everyone I met that I was very sexually aroused

My friends mum used to say 'someone' was a fornicating so and so... We had to tell her what it meant when she shocked our vicar... For the life of us we couldn't figure out how she got fornication from someone being two faced 😂 hilarious!

When my daughter was considering sixth form courses, we visited an art college where the current A-level year were putting on an exhibition. One exhibit consisted of a row of little curtained booths, each of which had been turned by a student into a work of art you could walk into. So - a totally black cubicle with an eye on the far wall, or a panorama of London, that sort of thing.

One had been converted into a sort of Moroccan boudoir - all wall-hangings and lanterns and joss-sticks.

My daughter stuck her head in there, looked back along the line to me peering over the heads of other parents and kids, and she shouted, "Dad! Dad! This one smells of incest!"

[quote sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea]@juteweaver Possibly apocryphal, but apparently some child once said 'Gold, myrrh, Frank sent this' [/quote]
Year 1 teacher here. I get Frankenstein yearly when telling the xmas story and when asked who Muslims believe in one boy said Alice, so I can quite believe this!

I was once describing a lovely colleague to somebody from another site who hadn't met him yet, telling them how he works really hard and never takes full credit for his work. In fact, he's really self-depreciating.

Oprah Winfrey was Winnifred Osprey.

I’m dying off here.

Love all of these 😂

I have described someone as soft as a brush on more than one occasion, I just can't get the correct phrase to stick in my brain!

When asked randomly if I was catholic... I said "no I'm a prostitute" , I meant protestant (obvs) but no idea why because I am not and never was (either)

It's a long time ago but sticks in my mind: we were in the pub and I was showing off about making my own pizza dough. I announced that yeast was a living orgasm

My DM’s friend was the the queen of malaprops. My favourite was when she was complaining about the high cost of a restaurant in town. She said it was contortionist!

@knickerbockerglory33 you just made me spit my tea out!!!

I know somebody who frequently say: i don't want to lose memento instead of momentum

@VintageChick2019

My grandmother was terrible about this stuff. She used to call the store Habitat, Happy-tap.

Oprah Winfrey was Winnifred Osprey.

Love it

@BustyLaRoux

My colleague in a sandwich shop ordered a grilled cheese punani. I nearly died!

Crying laughing

A colleague of mine always used to say everything was Honky Dory instead of Hunky Dory. I never corrected her.

‘Frank sent this’ hilarious!!!

@sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea

To be fair OP, most of the historians I know could have that description applied to them...

Sadeyed, where do you meet your historians? I'm a historian and I could do with more histrionic colleagues than I have... I'd have described us as a rather sedate bunch, less given to histrionics than our students might want.

Mine was (during first visit to future in-laws 40 years ago): “I think a dildo rail looks nice on a lounge wall” 😫

Love these. A relative was telling me all about a friend with toileting problems - apparently they were "intercontinental"

A friend once called me a pillock (jokingly) and I said whys that an insult its what you do on the back of a bike....

Once she'd regained her composure and stopped laughing, she told that was a pillion

Not a malaproprism, but an enthusiastic youth worker did a long presentation recently for my employer in which she really went to town on a drink of water metaphor. 'We're all so thirsty, so VERY thirsty' was the theme.

That is... not what the kids think thirsty means.

@De88

Oh I absolutely love it when people describe geographical areas as "depraved"

They may be perfectly right though!