To have used a MALAPROPISM

[Monty27]

To try to impress on date 😲
And the date laughed at it, I went scarlet and wanted the earth to open and swallow me up.
What's yours or a friend's, family? What's your experience of this please tell me I'm not alone 😱😂

Ginkeepsmesane I'm a bit worried now that you may have overheard my BH saying, as always, "does the Pope shit in the woods?" He does it as a joke, honest!
When my mother worked in Rotherhithe in the 1930s she had a patient who explained that her BH had gone on "passionate leave to Western Souvenir "
And our family fav, which we all use - 3 Yr old niece whose Daddy was working in Ran Tan Disco.
(San Fransisco - she wasn't really wrong)

@Erinyes tbf those faux amis happen regularly amongst UK retirees in France who translate literally.
Reverso and deepl have helped though.
My dh told a woman we passed on a sunny day
Je suis chaud which means I am sexy rather than
J'ai chaud which means I'm hot.
And never ask for un pipe in the DIY shop because it's a blow job!

@AsTreesWalking your niece reminds me of dd who wanted a writertiter for Christmas in the days when you could buy typewriters.

DD5 was playing a game with her toys, where one of the characters was apparently called Whore Pride.

Turns out there’s a bad guy in the new version of She Ra called Horde Prime…

I god I do this all the time as well as mixing my metaphors. My work colleagues think it’s hilarious 😐 I just blame it on being dyslexic/having ADHD 😂

In a meeting with my line manager, he said 'the thick plottens'.

I still cringe when I think of this. Many years ago I had a job where I had to type letters for various people, one of whom had the surname Buddery and one who had the surname Crowther. Spellcheck was a new thing (yes, it was that long ago!) and I just assumed it was correct, so didn't check the letters after I had spellchecked them. Later they all came back to me for correction. Buddery was spelt Buggery on all the letters and Crowther was spelt Crusher. I could have died of embarrassment!

Loving these! I like fresh coconut but consider drying it into little flakes that spoil anything they touch to be desecration, and always describe it that way.

And if we're allowing spoonerisms in I do like "our Lord is a shoving leopard."

And my husband once while speaking to a girlfriend's dad - was trying to point out there was something on his upper lip band trying to impress - thought he'd say -you have something on your philtrum (upper lip) except he told the the girlfriends father that he had a little something on his perineum
Reminded me of my DP recently and very confidently saying something about his 'frenulum'. He meant his upper lip area. Luckily he was only talking to me, not in public

@BottomOut

In a meeting with my line manager, he said 'the thick plottens'.

Love that!

Did anyone else have to google what a 'malapropism' is/means 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Not on a date but at school. When yes yoy guessed it, I said orgasam instead of organisms. That old chestnut. We were a class of teenagers who that this was really funny. The whole class got detention, because the teacher couldn't control us after this.

A friend has just posted on Facebook as part of international women’s day: ‘thanks to all the women who have supported and neutered me’.

I’m really hoping she doesn’t mean that literally.

14 years ago I said orgasm in GCSE biology instead of organism. It still haunts my dreams.

I was not cool enough to live that down

That's brilliant, Gizacluethen. Reminds me of the schoolgirl on Blockbusters many years ago who said, "Kama Sutra", as an answer. She never lived that down either.

Friend went for rosemary beads for her son's first communion.
I used to get expedition and exhibition mixed up.

A very annoying man at my slimming club announced that he has baby-bio cheeses

@VK456

I told someone that I had difficulty putting shitted feets on my bed.

Absolutely brilliant 🤣

My colleague at work was talking about how the boss influenced his friend to get a senior post

He said it was 'terrible necrophilia'

He meant nepotism

Wanted to cry laughing but he was so kind just kept a straight face

I was talking about file sorting and storing and said, "we need a central suppository", rather than, "repository". Ha ha!

DameHelena to be fair to your DH there is also the labial frenulum (I looked it up) inside the upper lip, although I wouldn't bring it into conversation- far too much opportunity for ribald misunderstandings...

@AsTreesWalking

DameHelena to be fair to your DH there is also the labial frenulum (I looked it up) inside the upper lip, although I wouldn't bring it into conversation- far too much opportunity for ribald misunderstandings...

I didn't know that! I think it's obscure enough though that, if my DP said 'frenulum' in casual conversation, people wouldn't think he meant that one...

Had a neighbour who came out with some classics, and she was so nice, nobody ever embarrassed her by saying anything.

On her garden wall she "had a lovely vagina creeper"

One day she saw joyriders in a stolen car "veneering round the roundabout"

Describing her quiet, inoffensive husband "oh yes, he's very flaccid"

My late mum once told me she was worried because my sisters had terrible problems with her Vulva.
My mother wasn’t one to mention anything below the waist so I was gobsmacked!
What’s wrong with Marilyn’s Vulva I asked ?
I don’t know said mum but it’s costing her a fortune. It’s not working properly. It keeps packing up and it’s not reliable anymore. .
It was then I realised she meant Volvo!
Years later My other sisters and I still ask Marilyn how well her Vulva is performing 😂

Ive just seen an ad for clothing company refinery29 !! That's q malapropism unless its boiler suits for the oil rig