Social media mums - making poor mum's feel like shit since the dawn of the internet

[Fysal]

Just been scrolling through TikTok and came across a mum/baby account, the mum is youngish in her 20's and the baby about 7 months.

There was really sweet 'a day in the life' content showing what they do with their day, what they eat, fun activities. Lots of themed sensory activities and messy play in those Tuff tray things, making a farm yard out of pasta and coco pops for example. Things that take ages to set up and she does it with a smile. Baby ends up in a total mess which is fine because she gets bathed every night before bed as part of their routine.

The occasional well deserved night out with the girls, cocktails and nice food.

I could go on but you get the gist. She just seemed like the perfect mum.

No cute nightly bath routine for us, it's every 2nd or third day and it's always a nightmare - not the tranquil experience I'm seeing on the internet with other people's kids.

The tiktok babies bedroom was stunning. Lovely furniture, she showed inside her babies wardrobe which was full of neatly hung, well ironed pretty clothes. The whites were bright crisp white.

I haven't managed to keep my kids white clothes white for more than a month. I haven't seen an iron in years. If something is going to need ironing regularly I tend not to buy it. I'm not very domestic to be honest. The flat is clean but never stays tidy.

No beautifully arranged wardrobes for the kids here, just folded away into cheap plastic drawers.

She showed herself freezing ozs and ozs of breast milk, she'd managed to exclusively BF for 7 months now her daughter is doing baby led weaning.

I failed to establish BF and only managed to express for a few weeks.

All of the TikTok babies meals were lovingly prepared and beautifully presented, exciting and experimental recipes from a glossy BLW cook book. Baby ate from those cute bamboo bowls shaped like bunnies. Picturesque.

My eldest lives on chicken nuggets. He won't eat a thing else because of his ARIFD and autism.

The TikTok mum goes to lots of baby groups. My anxiety wouldn't get me past the front door if I decided I wanted to do something like that.

Don't get me wrong my children are loved but we don't have a particularly great life, not compared to families like that anyway.

AIBU to think social media makes poor / depressed people feel even more shit?

only if you believe thats true....surely you don't?

you must realise its all set up for the gram/tik tok?

@TellMeMoreHellebore

only if you believe thats true....surely you don't?

you must realise its all set up for the gram/tik tok?

Possibly but it's still happening on a daily basis so that is their daily life

I bet that baby is no happier than yours

Yes-it’s all smoke and mirrors
I had the perfect moments when mine where little but also more tantrums and ‘fml’ moments which to be fair where about 85% of it all
I didn’t have the net at this time
It’s all heavily edited-they won’t show the crappy bits and I bet she has an army of help behind her-I’d take it all with a large pinch of salt

It's all fur coat and no knickers

Would you watch it if her life was like yours?

OP, I’d much rather you as a friend ❤️

It’s not real life, it’s like a book or tv show really, some nice ideas and inspiration but no one really lives like that every day.
It also sounds like the Tik Tok mum puts the needs of what will look good on social media above the actual needs of the child and that baby is having their life broadcasted online without any choice.

Only if you think that's not heavily staged bullshit.

It’s all a show.

And to be honest she sounds pretty young to be a mum… I’d be wondering about her career

You are only seeing snippets. The good bits. Yeah some people's lives are rosier and shinier than others, but they all have the crap bits too.

I said to a colleague at work the other day, "I wish I could be more like you, you seem so organised and put together. Like you have everything under control". She started laughing and said she thought the same about me 🤣 truth is, we are both winging it, doing our best.

Don't compare, it makes you miserable. As long as your kids are loved and looked after, it really doesn't matter.

With DS1, I did everything "right" and went to all the educational baby groups (baby yoga, baby swimming, generic baby groups) and did BLW...
DS2 was born in 2020 so just went on a lot of walks! Plus was allowed more processed food as DS1 was having it by then...

DS2 is just as happy a toddler as DS1 was 😊 There's lots of other stuff you could look at on social media that would be less guilt-inducing (animal vids? amazing bakers?)

She's not that good a mum if she's on her phone all the time

I'm neither poor nor depressed but I felt like crap reading all that. Why do you watch it? Why don't you follow pages that make you feel good? And I'm not in favour of bashing the mum either. Maybe she does live life like that or maybe she doesn't, maybe she's lovely in person/has a happy marriage/good career/had a great childhood or maybe not. Comparison is the thief of joy. Stop watching.

Comparison is the thief of joy

I guess I think the amount of effort she goes to wouldn’t be worth it to me. If someone wants to spend all day hanging baby outfits and film it, fine. I’m not going to watch that and I certainly wouldn’t feel bad about it.

It's just an advert although I'm not sure who decided this was what we should apparently aspire to. Give me the Victorian days where I visit my dc once a day for an hour in the nursery pls! 😆

@SecretSquirrel111

It’s all a show.

And to be honest she sounds pretty young to be a mum… I’d be wondering about her career

Really?? Judgemental much! It is possible to be a good mother and have/be working towards a career in your twenties.

How very biggoted, and small minded!

These people are paid for sponsored content. Their lives are walking adverts and their image is everything. They pray on insecure and vulnerable people. It’s usually not overt but ‘buy xyz and your life will be beautiful, like mine’ is the message. Please don’t fall for it.

@SecretSquirrel111

It’s all a show.

And to be honest she sounds pretty young to be a mum… I’d be wondering about her career

Are you always so horrible?

@TabithaTittlemouse

Would you watch it if her life was like yours?

Yes because it would make me feel less shit

That’s literally her job to present her parenting in a certain way.

Don’t waste your time comparing situations.

Take from it any ideas you would like to implement yourself. But ultimately it’s all about your relationship with your kids.

@WorriedMillie

OP, I’d much rather you as a friend ❤️

Oh that is so kind, thank you so much x

It's no different to those perfect home magazines that people used to read before the internet, it's like advertising.

Just don't look! What's the point? It's your life OP, you do what you can. Don't look at other people's unless you find them truly inspiring.