Social media mums - making poor mum's feel like shit since the dawn of the internet

[Fysal]

Just been scrolling through TikTok and came across a mum/baby account, the mum is youngish in her 20's and the baby about 7 months.

There was really sweet 'a day in the life' content showing what they do with their day, what they eat, fun activities. Lots of themed sensory activities and messy play in those Tuff tray things, making a farm yard out of pasta and coco pops for example. Things that take ages to set up and she does it with a smile. Baby ends up in a total mess which is fine because she gets bathed every night before bed as part of their routine.

The occasional well deserved night out with the girls, cocktails and nice food.

I could go on but you get the gist. She just seemed like the perfect mum.

No cute nightly bath routine for us, it's every 2nd or third day and it's always a nightmare - not the tranquil experience I'm seeing on the internet with other people's kids.

The tiktok babies bedroom was stunning. Lovely furniture, she showed inside her babies wardrobe which was full of neatly hung, well ironed pretty clothes. The whites were bright crisp white.

I haven't managed to keep my kids white clothes white for more than a month. I haven't seen an iron in years. If something is going to need ironing regularly I tend not to buy it. I'm not very domestic to be honest. The flat is clean but never stays tidy.

No beautifully arranged wardrobes for the kids here, just folded away into cheap plastic drawers.

She showed herself freezing ozs and ozs of breast milk, she'd managed to exclusively BF for 7 months now her daughter is doing baby led weaning.

I failed to establish BF and only managed to express for a few weeks.

All of the TikTok babies meals were lovingly prepared and beautifully presented, exciting and experimental recipes from a glossy BLW cook book. Baby ate from those cute bamboo bowls shaped like bunnies. Picturesque.

My eldest lives on chicken nuggets. He won't eat a thing else because of his ARIFD and autism.

The TikTok mum goes to lots of baby groups. My anxiety wouldn't get me past the front door if I decided I wanted to do something like that.

Don't get me wrong my children are loved but we don't have a particularly great life, not compared to families like that anyway.

AIBU to think social media makes poor / depressed people feel even more shit?

@Noimaginationforaun

I spent £80 on a beautiful set of those bamboo plates and bowls before we adopted our LO. Every meal/snack is served on the cheap ikea ones because they go in the dishwasher.

Friday, I had a sickness bug and LO spent most of the day walking around without trousers on because ‘I want my bum out, mummy’ and I did not have the strength to argue.

Honestly, give yourself a break. Everything on insta and tiktok is curated. My own insta is full of family days out, holidays, adventures. They’re wonderful but also not the whole picture!

That made me laugh, kids!

Content creators know exactly how to create this illusion to be fair, for all we know that footage has been filmed over days and then edited together. It is 100% not want a day in her life looks like, please don't let this make you feel rubbish, I'm with the other poster, you're far more my type of 'mum friend'

Also, I don't even but my daughter white clothes anymore 🤣

@AngelinaFibres

Google a site called ' the lies of instagram'. It shows you the beautiful photos and the actual reality around those photos. There is another one called ' boyfriends of instagram'. That one is hilarious too. Nothing is real. One young woman is a wannabe fashion influencer. She lives in a crappy street so, every morning, she and her boyfriend run round to a more photogenic street to photograph her leaving her supposed house in that days outfit. This is done every single morning before they go to their real life jobs. Apparently the greatest catch for a young woman with instagram aspirations is a boyfriend who is a professional photographer. It really is all make believe Op.

Jesus Christ

That's insane!

I'm going to look it up now

Did you see the accidental record of the woman telling her kid to cry more authentically for the video that ewe about a dead pet or something? These people lead the weirdest lives. Trust me, yours is happier.

@Mulhollandmagoo

Content creators know exactly how to create this illusion to be fair, for all we know that footage has been filmed over days and then edited together. It is 100% not want a day in her life looks like, please don't let this make you feel rubbish, I'm with the other poster, you're far more my type of 'mum friend'

Also, I don't even but my daughter white clothes anymore 🤣

I literally came to say this, who on earth is buying their DC white clothes

OP do yourself a favour and unfollow all the insta-mummies, they spend all that time 'creating content' for followers and cash opportunities, not because they are good parents.

I'm looking at the Insta vs reality stuff now, god what a load of bullshit lol

A colleague of mine has become an ‘influencer’ since the birth of her twins a few years ago. It’s all lies, she admits that the photos are taken in a way so as to look perfect, whilst not catching the mess in the background. Plus, she’s extremely stressed and spends loads of her time on her phone to keep up with everything. And the poor kids, if one gets so much as a speck of dirt on them she changes them both to ensure their outfits still match incase she takes a photo of them. She doesn’t seem any happier for it but is stressed keeping up with it, otherwise she will be forgotten and someone else will take her place.

It's all shite. I like to put up posts of everyone falling out and general household chaos and devastation with the hashtags #soblessed and #makingmemories to counteract all the social media bullshit. My friends tell me it makes them laugh and makes them feel better.

OP - talking to your kids, reading to them, cuddling up with them, meeting their needs as best you can with the resources you have: that's what matters. Not putting crap on TikTok. The world's full of scammers. Step away and you'll feel much better!

@WouldIwasShookspeared

Only if you think that's not heavily staged bullshit.

This

@fungh

It's just an advert although I'm not sure who decided this was what we should apparently aspire to. Give me the Victorian days where I visit my dc once a day for an hour in the nursery pls! 😆

You're right. It's just an advert.

You wouldn't think that everything you saw on TV was real, would you? Well, IG, TikTok, whatever, it's not real life. My SIL used to be like this. She had all these 'businesses' that were just fake. She used to write a blog about her wonderful life, the posh hotels she'd stayed at, the wonderful meals she'd had, her wonderful kids etc. In real life, her relationship with my brother was falling apart, she'd blagged free nights at expensive hotels because she didn't have a job and had no money, and she hated her kids and my parents looked after them most of the time.

I suggest not looking at it if it makes you feel bad.

I have a baby the same age and read that and thought ah how lovely. It doesn't make me feel bad just because it's different to our lives...and it certainly is. It's got me thinking I'd like to start doing messy play actually. I'm not super creative so inspiration from her would probably be great for me.

I did everything perfectly like that with my first for about 3 years, it was my hyperfocus (autistic). I didn't put it out there though and it was pre-socialmedia. I guess it might help some people to be accountable, helping them out of their own OCD or depression even. I wouldn't compare, you never know what's real or what really goes on. The saddest bit is the parents exploiting their kids for money online.

Don't worry...she will stop posting when kid turns 13 and starts screeching at her, smelling bad and leaving cereal bowls all over her perfect house...there are NO insta mums of teenagers, real life takes over with a bang 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

You should consider deleting TIKTOK if its making you feel like this OP.

People only show you the best bits!

It's not real. I have a neighbour whose life with her 5 children looks amazing on sm and sometimes I feel a bit if a failure but have to remind myself that i see her shouting at them in the school run. They don't always do what they're told and she never looks very happy out and about.

Comparison is the thief of joy and social media is a representation of what people want you to see so just ignore it.

I voted YABU, because it’s not them making you feel shit.
Others have probably said this already but they are showing what people want to see. If you feel bad watching then stop watching it & come off social media.

Maybe a better question would be 'what are some people missing in their lives that they have to display all the details of their lives for a few thumbs up on social media?'

You do realise it's all staged right? They aren't going to post any "shit bits" only the insta worthy bits. We have a great life as a family and I do occasionally post on social media, I post snippets of days out or occasions, everyone is always well turned out and the house looks clean and tidy. I don't post just after the baby has finished eating and looks like a mess or the pile of toys/clothes etc just out of shot, I chose the best bits. My family and close friends laugh about it, I laugh too. I do think younger mums seem more guilty of the ott social media sharing though, with constant updates, maybe it's trying to prove something to the world in their case? Its social media though and not real life, don't let it bother you!

I didn't know any adults look at TikTok. I thought it was a teen thing. And even with my teen daughter we have spent plenty of time discussing how people post what they want their life to look like, rather than the shit you get in between filming.

I have a daughter who has just turned one:
95% of her clothes are second hand. That way, she can get as messy as she likes. She loves messy play! Though messy play isn't on a tuff tray, its on the laminate floor, in the mud that the dog has dragged in. She loves it!

I think its a load of old bollocks and she's probably covered in sick and poo like the rest of us when the cameras aren't rolling.
At least you aren't exploiting your kids for financial gain.

If you enter my home at this very moment, my living room looks pretty nice, good for a photo shoot.

Don't go around the corner to my children's room, because it looks like bomb exploded.

There are so many layers of people's lives.

I was a SAHM when I had my son. He was pretty easy baby, so my home was clean, home made lunch cooked every day. He ate everything - broccoli, fish... you name it, if you put in on his plate, he eats it.

Five years later I got his sister. I work full time, my house is often a mess, I try to cook, but she doesn't want to eat. We're always having hospital appointments because of her small weight gain. I give her chocolate much more often then I should because there are days when I simply can not stop crying because she doesn't want to eat.
I wish she would eat chicken nuggets.

And top of that, she'll be three years old in a month and still doesn't sleep all night.

Don't watch?

I think it's part of life to accept that some people are just better than us at certain things. Some people do have better lives, more money, more skills. The art of being happy is understanding it and accepting it.

I don't understand why you're watching this stuff. What, if anything, are you getting from it?