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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you screamed or stayed silent in labour?

625 replies

WibbleWobbleWibble · 05/03/2022 18:14

The other night I was watching an old episode of call the midwife with my mum and dad. Both of the women giving birth were screaming the place down and it got us chatting.........my brother was born at home and my dad said he never heard a sound from my mum even though he was in the next room (1971 dads were not welcome in the delivery room).
My mum said that she couldn't identify with the screaming woman as she went quiet when she was in labour, I was the same, I went quiet and didn't say a word during both my deliveries.
Judging by TV and movie representations of women giving birth everyone screams! I think just as many women stay quiet as scream, it's whatever works for you ..........

YANBU I didn't scream
YABU I screamed the place down

OP posts:
Feedmepancakes · 05/03/2022 18:38

I did a lot of grunting and moaning. Also cried a fair bit. No screaming though!

TrippinEdBalls · 05/03/2022 18:38

@SnowFoxWinterFox

Excuse typos.

I am not 100% sure what the question is. Is it that some of us are more resilient by not screaming? Ds1s birth brings up so many emotions that internally I am screaming right now.

Yeah, I'm a bit taken aback by the idea that giving birth silently makes you superior throughout this thread... Also I hate to break it to a couple of posters on here but I think the nice midwives tell everyone that they've done brilliantly!
Gowithme · 05/03/2022 18:38

@LondonQueen

There was a bit of ooo and ahh but definitely no screaming, were you guys giving birth to elephants?
Over 9lbs coming out of a 7 stone body certainly feels like an elephant :-D I found screaming really, really helped and told my OH if he had a pill to kill me I'd take it as I was in so much pain. I'd previously had a midwife who declared it was 'a waste of energy and making a fuss and she didn't appreciate it' (as we walked past a room with someone giving birth and screaming). Fortunately I dumped the NHS after some other (more serious) issues and went private with a MW that thought if I wanted to scream I should bloody well scream.
Crackercrazy · 05/03/2022 18:39

@dottymac

I did that low guttural growl that your body only seems to emit during labour. It worked for me. I also stayed crouching face down propped up on pillows - it absolutely bewilders me that women can do it lying on their backs 😵 I guess our bodies take over and do whats necessary to get the job done - we rock 💪🙌
This was my experience too. For my first I didn’t speak at all, just grunts and growls! Like no sound I’ve ever made before. I was also leaning over the edge of a birthing pool- didn’t move for 10 hours, my poor knees afterwards!
Ttcfinalbub · 05/03/2022 18:39

Did you forceps his head ??

DramaAlpaca · 05/03/2022 18:39

When I had my youngest DS at home I made full use of the wonderful gas and air, doing a combination of mooing during contractions and hysterical giggling between them Blush

TravellingFrom · 05/03/2022 18:39

@RoyKent

Screamed and screamed. "I WANT TO DIE" I yelled over and over. To the point I tired myself out. In-between contractions I did apologise.
Actually, now I remember screaming too. I was in the pool, fully dilated and head showing screaming I wanted an epidural. Poor MW was trying to say it just wasn’t possible lol.

The funny part is that I knew very well that it wasn’t possible and that actually didn’t want an epidural…. My MW was quite worried I had struggled massively. I think I was just confused and not even believing what I was asking for Grin

WutheringHeights66 · 05/03/2022 18:40

I mooed too, how odd was that? A noise I’d never made before or since. Only happened during one labour, the others were quick.

AnnaSW1 · 05/03/2022 18:40

Silent. Scared the hell out of of my other half. It unnerved him.

TravellingFrom · 05/03/2022 18:41

Also I hate to break it to a couple of posters on here but I think the nice midwives tell everyone that they've done brilliantly!

Totally my experience!

vipersnest1 · 05/03/2022 18:41

I was determined 'to do it right' with my first birth, including not crying out - oh what a fool was I! (It all turned out to be a bit of a shitshow, baby born back-to-back (no-one knew), failure to progress, drip, episiotomy etc, after a 36 hour labour and over two hours of pushing. (My Dsis is a midwife and when I told her about it she said I should have had a Caesarian.)
The second birth was rather different. I bellowed a bit, mooed here and there, and generally made a lot of noise - the midwife told me to try to be quieter, which I totally ignored. I went from being 7cm on arrival to delivering an hour and forty minutes later.
I say let it rip if that's what works for you. Smile

TheOriginalEmu · 05/03/2022 18:41

First was a fair bit of screaming because it wasn’t going well. The other three I was very quiet.

Buddywoo · 05/03/2022 18:42

I was quiet, may have groaned a bit until (home birth) complications set in. Ambulance sent for but delayed by fog. Large male GP arrived and at each contraction put his hand in and tried to push back the last bit of the cervix manually. I had no painkillers. At the point I told him to take his fucking hand out.
This was in 1970 when we were very deferential to GP's. I do remember apologising to him afterwards for being rude.

CoreyTaylorisHot · 05/03/2022 18:42

I kind of mooed when I was breathing out with the gas and air when the contractions were continuous.
I was induced and was livid when she was ramping up the pitocin fast than she said she was going to! She didn't believe I was pushing down when sitting on the birthing ball (bearing down was the only thing that helped with the pain, first time birthing a human, I didn't think I was pushing 🤣)

janj2301 · 05/03/2022 18:42

I love the TV shows where the mum has just given birth, her hair and makeup are perfect and she's handed a 3 month old very clean child to nurse.

Staryflight445 · 05/03/2022 18:42

I was quiet until pushing, I screamed the place down.
I couldn’t control it at all.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 05/03/2022 18:43

Well with my first i didnt show any outward signs and they didn't believe the birth was imminent until there was a baby on the bed! Not masked by pain relief (I hadn't had any).

With my second the midwives (who didn't leave my side knowing the history of first birth) noticed I went quieter as birth became closer. I was still able to have conversation with them.

Midwives said it was extremely rare not to make some noise. I don't think my births are worth brownie points for being quick, easy and pain relief free. It was more a curiosity.

DD2 was a homebirth. My next door neighbour was shocked as she had no idea what was going on metres away!

FuzzyPuffling · 05/03/2022 18:43

ShowOfHands it was almost 40 years ago.

00deed1988 · 05/03/2022 18:45

I screamed as I pushed his head out but was fairly quiet for most of the labour.

I am a midwife on a birth centre so no epidurals and honestly it is about 50/50. I tend to find precipitate labours, alot of women panic and lose control and it leads to screaming. Some start in transition. Some have really lulled me into a false sense of security as they are so silent and all of a sudden you see a head. Alot of people moan through the contractions. There is no right or wrong though. I never tell a woman not to scream, maybe during the pushing I advise to direct the energy downwards if they can or just say if they can breathe ect as their throats are going to be so sore afterwards.

OldMillenial · 05/03/2022 18:45

My DH is a lovely and kind and patient man but I hate insincere platitudes and him saying ‘you’re doing well’ and ‘come on, keep going’ made me feel so angry because I was like, you don’t know how well I’m doing and of course I’m going to keep going, get outta here with those! I just found it awkward with him standing there. kind of just wanted to breathe/scream through the pain along with a friendly midwife and not a set of extra eyes on me.

He was very good about it and we laugh about it now Grin

raspberryjamchicken · 05/03/2022 18:45

I was very loud, couldn't help it. Yelling seemed to help me cope with the pain somehow. First birth I remember bellowing through a contraction then just as I stopped the lady next door started up!

Kylereese · 05/03/2022 18:46

I didn’t take the gas and air out of mouth so I sort of “screamed” through that! More like a growl.

Fridaysgirl17 · 05/03/2022 18:49

I was quiet on both my boys,I was induced on both so I had epidural which helped,I talked & followed any instruction or advice from my consultant & midwives,my 1st shot out unexpectedly 2 pushes & he was out 🤣, my 2nd I pushed for about 15 minutes & he was out I was just really concentrating on my consultant talking to me explaining certain things to me & my breathing,im generally a quiet person anyway,I will say the lady in the next room was going hell for leather screaming,shouting (in a different language) but look you do what you need to get through it I think 😁

Original poster
WibbleWobbleWibble · 05/03/2022 18:50

I agree that you are more likely to be overlooked if you are quiet.......I was crowning with dd 1 on the antenatal ward.........it was panic stations when they realised and my bed was rushed to labour ward and the midwife from the antenatal ward delivered dd a few minutes later.

OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 05/03/2022 18:50

@dottymac

I did that low guttural growl that your body only seems to emit during labour. It worked for me. I also stayed crouching face down propped up on pillows - it absolutely bewilders me that women can do it lying on their backs 😵 I guess our bodies take over and do whats necessary to get the job done - we rock 💪🙌
This was exactly me for my second labour. My body was telling me exactly what to do. It was all very mammal woman.