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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you screamed or stayed silent in labour?

625 replies

WibbleWobbleWibble · 05/03/2022 18:14

The other night I was watching an old episode of call the midwife with my mum and dad. Both of the women giving birth were screaming the place down and it got us chatting.........my brother was born at home and my dad said he never heard a sound from my mum even though he was in the next room (1971 dads were not welcome in the delivery room).
My mum said that she couldn't identify with the screaming woman as she went quiet when she was in labour, I was the same, I went quiet and didn't say a word during both my deliveries.
Judging by TV and movie representations of women giving birth everyone screams! I think just as many women stay quiet as scream, it's whatever works for you ..........

YANBU I didn't scream
YABU I screamed the place down

OP posts:
AlwaysWorriedAboutEverything · 30/03/2023 07:41

I had a long 53-hour labour so I was too knackered to make much noise. I'm socially anxious too and always fear people think I make a fuss so I kept quiet with no pain relief. The midwife said I was being very stoic. Lol. That's probably why they first sent me home despite being very dilated. Some of the woman in the ward were doing some weird fake screaming and they sounded possessed. I think it was their way of getting the help they needed, but it frightened me.

user1471538283 · 30/03/2023 12:29

Not only did I scream bloody murder I got up and staggered to the door to go home! I told "DP" that it was his fault and to stay away from me. I also hurt his thumb as I had bent it back - you can imagine my reaction!

LlamaFace19 · 30/03/2023 12:34

Two unmedicated labours and didn't scream with either. I did cry silently towards the end with DS but that's because he was back to back so it was fecking agony!

LlamaFace19 · 30/03/2023 12:37

In fact, I remember the midwifes shocked expression when she examined me and I was 9cm with my first. She said "you don't SOUND like you're ready to give birth!" 😒

georgarina · 30/03/2023 12:44

Some of the woman in the ward were doing some weird fake screaming and they sounded possessed. I think it was their way of getting the help they needed, but it frightened me.

They probably weren't 'weird fake screaming,' they were probably just in pain

FunnyTalks · 30/03/2023 14:16

I felt possessed when I birthed my large back to back baby! I had excellent attentive care from a midwife throughout as was relatively quickish labour. But I had no way to control the animal screams from deep within me. Was so different from my slow calm chilled out first labour.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/03/2023 14:22

I’ve got no idea! I don’t think I knew what I was doing tbh

wonderingdaily · 30/03/2023 14:24

My labours are fast and furious, I cling on to my gas and air and lie in a curled ball of silence

But hubby knows when im ready to push because i start crying then at the end of my crying i make a longer pushing sound, my pushing only lasts a few mins also.

wonderingdaily · 30/03/2023 14:28

wonderingdaily · 30/03/2023 14:24

My labours are fast and furious, I cling on to my gas and air and lie in a curled ball of silence

But hubby knows when im ready to push because i start crying then at the end of my crying i make a longer pushing sound, my pushing only lasts a few mins also.

However i could have screamed easily but i thought if i start screaming i wont stop

Moreorlessmentallystable · 30/03/2023 20:48

I was really quiet (and managing with just breathing exercises as I had no epidural) until maybe 8cm dilated, after that it was as if my inner animal took over 😅

mindutopia · 30/03/2023 21:07

I only made noise when pushing. Other than that, it was pretty chill and comfortable. I had home births. Definitely no screaming but some grunting.

Fifi1010 · 31/03/2023 09:19

LlamaFace19 · 30/03/2023 12:37

In fact, I remember the midwifes shocked expression when she examined me and I was 9cm with my first. She said "you don't SOUND like you're ready to give birth!" 😒

This happened to me they wouldn't believe me 🤣🤣 finally got examined and I was 10cm ready to go and she was down the birth canal. I don't understand how people don't make noise when crowning, it's a searing stabbing pain.

TheGoogleMum · 31/03/2023 09:48

I'm normally a very quiet person - but I did shout a bit in labour! Just needed an outlet for my pain I guess.

vipersnest1 · 31/03/2023 22:48

@FunnyTalks, back to back labours are a whole different experience. Mine was a 36 hour labour, and I was determined to do the 'right thing' so barely made a sound despite the uncontrollable urge to push even though I had a cervical lip - and my cervix then got swollen which made matters worse, so I then got diagnosed with 'failure to progress' and was put on a drip. The whole thing was a nightmare and I ended up delirious due to medication and lack of sleep. I didn't even realise my baby was in distress and nor did I realise the trainee midwife was crying. (DC was born healthy thankfully.)
Due to that, I decided to 'let it go' with my second birth (normal presentation) and got told off by the midwife for being too loud. The thing was, I never screamed (because my voice doesn't go that high) - it was more like mooing or yodelling!
I say each to their own, but whatever women do in labour, it should happen because they are doing what their body tells them.

Rubyhaunt · 31/03/2023 22:55

Silent till the end. Once at the end I said ‘it really hurts now’ in a normal voice and the midwife just said ‘it will do love’!
I seem to meet the midwife at 10cm, give some instructions ‘here are my notes, tell me how far I am- I actually want the internals so I know’. Then I retreat into my own world and don’t answer any small talk. I’ll only speak if it’s essential otherwise I ignore them 🤣 Once a student midwife couldn’t ever find the heartbeat with the Doppler and every time I grabbed her hand and moved it to the right place- how I knew I’ve no idea- some other dimension.

Novatherova · 31/03/2023 23:04

I'm absolutely terrified of giving birth. Reading this hasn't helped own fault though should have stopped reading about 50 comments ago. I don't think I'm going to be able to do it. Even idea of c section terrifies me. I read insta post that they have to remove your uterus to get to your baby. I can't do it, just can't.

Rubyhaunt · 31/03/2023 23:11

Novatherova · 31/03/2023 23:04

I'm absolutely terrified of giving birth. Reading this hasn't helped own fault though should have stopped reading about 50 comments ago. I don't think I'm going to be able to do it. Even idea of c section terrifies me. I read insta post that they have to remove your uterus to get to your baby. I can't do it, just can't.

My tips are, hypnobirthing cd every night for last 5-6 weeks. You’re not meant to sleep through it but it always made me fall asleep. It’s really helpful. I used Maggie Howell.

This will help you control your breathing. I find it useful now when I need to stay calm.

Affirmation cards. Twee yes, but helpful.

Don’t sit down. I was walking around till pushing. Just like when something hurts and you want to shake it. Keep moving. eg if you trap your finger your shake it, rub it, deep breaths

Go into your own head. It’s very similar to an orgasm space. Stay there and don’t speak and it’s less painful.

Ive never had pain relief as mine are too fast/by the time I think it’s painful enough it’s nearly the end. (Not even gas and air and it is bearable)

Novatherova · 01/04/2023 00:04

Rubyhaunt · 31/03/2023 23:11

My tips are, hypnobirthing cd every night for last 5-6 weeks. You’re not meant to sleep through it but it always made me fall asleep. It’s really helpful. I used Maggie Howell.

This will help you control your breathing. I find it useful now when I need to stay calm.

Affirmation cards. Twee yes, but helpful.

Don’t sit down. I was walking around till pushing. Just like when something hurts and you want to shake it. Keep moving. eg if you trap your finger your shake it, rub it, deep breaths

Go into your own head. It’s very similar to an orgasm space. Stay there and don’t speak and it’s less painful.

Ive never had pain relief as mine are too fast/by the time I think it’s painful enough it’s nearly the end. (Not even gas and air and it is bearable)

Show quote history

Thank you xx

RedEyeBaby · 01/04/2023 00:44

I think I called out to Jesus IIRC on dc2. Dc1 the midwife told me to channel the scream, but it now escapes me into what. Shame as it was good advice at the time.

Jellybellywellysmelly · 01/04/2023 01:35

Quiet with first as drugged up to eyeballs. Lots of yelping and shouting and swearing whilst in labour with second and then mooing when pushing second out.

WannabeSlimSally · 01/04/2023 01:40

Epidural = quiet as a mouse

Gas & air only = primal screams!

MichelleScarn · 01/04/2023 01:42

Screamed away! Really hoping there isn't actually out there people who either actually give a shit or think their opinion matters on what a woman does while a human is emerging from her body!

Judgyjudgy · 01/04/2023 02:43

I thought I was going to be all calm and quiet, I was initially. But then I scream ALOT! Didn't want an epidural, screamed and screamed, didn't want anyone except DH near me, kept yelling at the midwives to leave me alone ... feel so sorry for anyone next door. I still feel embarrassed thinking about it!

AnAussieMum · 01/04/2023 03:12

With my first I was quiet and didn't want to be touched through the whole experience. I ended up having to have an epidural as her heart rate went to high. Then I cried and begged not to let her die. Pretty sure that was the only time I made noise.
2nd i screamed and cried and begged them to cut her the f out. Screamed for them to kill me. Screamed for them to give me a knife and I would get her out myself. She was born in 55 minutes from start to finish. Never forget the midwife telling me if I stopped screaming it might help. They didn't even check until I was begging for a knife and she was pretty much out.
3rd I just quietly begged and begged for my partner to help me. Then begged for an epi then insisted it didn't work 4 times.
Which it didn't. Never forget the midwife for that one telling me she can't understand how it works for 10 mins then stopped with such attitude.
Then the top anaesthetist came in and said what the bloody hell did they do here. She soon shut up. Ended up sobbing all the way though the rest of the labour and begging for help.
Certainly cried for 4 days after with the mess they made of my back and the epi headache it caused me.
Then the 2 times they had to inject blood into my spine to stop the fluid leak.

I havnt had the best experiences with midwife's.

user1471538283 · 01/04/2023 12:03

@Novatherova - this really isn't meant to scare you although I can understand it. Childbirth can be very hard and painful but there is an end to it. I really wish I'd insisted on standing to give birth.

My DS was overdue and back to back so that made it harder. I hope your baby isn't.

You will be fine!

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