Page 21 | To ask if you screamed or stayed silent in labour?

WibbleWobbleWibble · 2022-03-05T18:14:11+00:00

The other night I was watching an old episode of call the midwife with my mum and dad. Both of the women giving birth were screaming the place down and it got us chatting.........my brother was born at home and my dad said he never heard a sound from my mum even though he was in the next room (1971 dads were not welcome in the delivery room). My mum said that she couldn't identify with the screaming woman as she went quiet when she was in labour, I was the same, I went quiet and didn't say a word during both my deliveries. Judging by TV and movie representations of women giving birth everyone screams! I think just as many women stay quiet as scream, it's whatever works for you .......... YANBU I didn't scream YABU I screamed the place down

flyingdream · 07/03/2022 01:52

Screamed at the start after being told I was 8cm dilated and baby will come any second. I didn't know what was going on and honestly had no idea what would happen. Even after having gone to birth classes. Second labour I grit my teeth and made some sort of noise like I was possessed. Think it depends on how fast baby is coming, the pain and what not. I'm quite good till 8cm. It's just the bit after wards when you're pushing. Actually think making noise helps especially when you don't have pain relief. But don't scream because you'll get tired.

Weatherwax13 · 07/03/2022 02:43

I think there are a couple of ridiculous, totally spiteful posts on here.
I can completely see how some women end up so needlessly feeling ashamed or like a failure because they didn't serenely pop out a baby after a perfect and silent labour.
Why the fuck do some women tear other down??
Just stay as silent and virtuous as you were in childbirth and don't fucking comment.
And especially on this issue: one of the most vulnerable moments of most mothers' lives. Makes me sick.

TeddyisMydog · 07/03/2022 06:06

I screamed a lot.
I was only 17, I hadn't read any books or spoken to any pregnant ladies so I was very naive as to what to expect. Many midwifes told me to shush.
Turns out my baby was stuck bad.

The next 3 births were c sections and I didn't alot of mooing and groaning. The tugging sensation was quite hard for me to adjust to

bjjgirl · 07/03/2022 06:18

I apologised and grunted a bit, hurt like buggery but I handle pain internally

I do have fast painful labours thou

LadyMacduff · 07/03/2022 06:23

Mainly moaning I think thought I do remember shouting FOR FUCKS SAKE at the top of my voice just before DD was born and I was so knackered.

When they were sorting out the epidural for my first and going through all the spiel, DH says I was just thumping the bad going "consent, consent, consent get on with it"

Didioverstep · 07/03/2022 07:32

With all 4 I was quiet. 1st, the second midwife was outside having a chat and missed the birth because I was too quiet. So had to tell mid wife in the room baby is coming as she was too busy writing notes. Not sure what exactly! As I didn't have any pain relief to be monitored. In fact they left me completely and said I wasn't ready because I wasn't loud enough. They took me to delivery as I was crowning.

Dc 2. Again quiet. Again they ignored me but there where too many staff this time and they kept telling me well done which I actually didn't like, it was distracting and uneeded for me. But might help others.

Dc 3 was home. Quiet again but 2 midwives and I didn't have to say anything. Best birth by far.

Dc 4 in hospital. Again too quiet apparently. Lady next to me was screaming and the lady opposite me was being monitored but not in labour. She looked scared from the other lady screaming. So I was chatting to her and stopping to breath for contractions. Then told her I need to get the midwife as I will probably give birth in half an hour. Midwife didn't believe me as only 4cm. I said I will go to 10 in 20 minutes just like the ither 3. The feeling is the same. After a lot of eye rolling she sent me and nearly gave birth in the hallway. Just managed to get to delivery room.

Some midwives complain you make noise then blame you for missing things because you didn't make noise. Just do whatever is best for you

Delatron · 07/03/2022 07:34

What pisses me off is when it is suggested that is is down to pain tolerance. No it’s down to the actual birth, the position of the baby, luck, length of labour, the individual anatomy of the woman.

I’ve had two labours. The first I was in agony from 2cms with a back to back labour for 39 hours. The second they didn’t believe I was about to give birth as I was calm yet 8cms when arrived at the hospital. Though that one still managed to get stuck and turn back to back!

If you had a nice calm birth it’s mainly down to luck. Not because you have a higher pain threshold or did yoga or whatever else you think it was down to.

HRTQueen · 07/03/2022 07:47

I stayed fairly quiet

I was too shocked by the pain to make much noise

cafedesreves · 07/03/2022 07:52

@Delatron

What pisses me off is when it is suggested that is is down to pain tolerance. No it’s down to the actual birth, the position of the baby, luck, length of labour, the individual anatomy of the woman.

I’ve had two labours. The first I was in agony from 2cms with a back to back labour for 39 hours. The second they didn’t believe I was about to give birth as I was calm yet 8cms when arrived at the hospital. Though that one still managed to get stuck and turn back to back!

If you had a nice calm birth it’s mainly down to luck. Not because you have a higher pain threshold or did yoga or whatever else you think it was down to.

Yes or are some sort of natural earth mother who is superior to others

Trinacham · 07/03/2022 09:05

@Delatron if that is aimed at me (I said in my post the midwives and Dr said I must have a high pain threshold) I don't see myself as superior because of it or anything.. I've always suspected I did as I've never had any period pain or anything, and I broke my leg, which I managed to run on immediately after. But aswell as pain tolerance yes, I think you're correct in that there are many other factors. My baby was early and on the smaller side (6lb 7oz) so I believe this helped!
Of course people have different pain thresholds though 🙂 it is nothing to feel superior about or ashamed of if yours is low.. but I do believe it must be different for everyone

BuyDirt · 07/03/2022 09:24

if that is aimed at me (I said in my post the midwives and Dr said I must have a high pain threshold) I don't see myself as superior because of it or anything.. I've always suspected I did as I've never had any period pain or anything, and I broke my leg, which I managed to run on immediately after. But aswell as pain tolerance yes, I think you're correct in that there are many other factors. My baby was early and on the smaller side (6lb 7oz) so I believe this helped!

I’ve had an extremely painful birth despite epidural and a shorter one that was still painful but completely manageable without pain relief.

As for periods, 20 years of virtually no impact on my life until I hit my mid 30s, then got diagnosed with a couple of conditions that leave me in excruciating pain around my period sometimes.

My pain tolerance hasn’t changed, some births and periods are more painful. Your doctor and midwives were talking absolute bollocks.

Trinacham · 07/03/2022 09:29

@buyDirt OK then. Guess I was just lucky with pain-free periods, my leg break and giving birth 🙂

BuyDirt · 07/03/2022 09:32

OK then. Guess I was just lucky with pain-free periods, my leg break and giving birth

Yes, you were. Be glad of that.

FourTeaFallOut · 07/03/2022 09:46

Absolutely, having a very high pain threshold is a long way from being superior. There's no evolutionary advantage to having such a high pain threshold that you run on a broken leg and potentially cause a lot more damage. Pain is there for a reason.

Strawberryjellyicecream · 07/03/2022 09:52

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kickupafuss · 07/03/2022 10:51

@LondonQueen

There was a bit of ooo and ahh but definitely no screaming, were you guys giving birth to elephants?

What a horrible post.

Delatron · 07/03/2022 11:01

No not aimed at anyone in particular @Trinacham I’ve just heard it said lots. I don’t think I even saw your post.

I just believe everyone’s pain in labour is so different. Based on all the factors discussed.

Even two labours by the same person can have completely different pain levels.

So to say someone had an easier/calmer birth because they tolerate pain better than another person is generally untrue.

Wilburisagirl · 07/03/2022 11:04

I didn't scream. I had moments of being quite chatty and moments of being in an almost hypnotic state. During pushing I groaned like a cow apparently. Low moaning type noise. But no screaming.

ThereAreTearsOfThings · 07/03/2022 12:24

Every part of my body was agony. I couldn’t stand as the skin in my feet hurt. I couldn’t grasp the bed as the skin of my hands hurt. I felt like I was being disemboweled. I screamed. A lot.

MedusasBadHairDay · 07/03/2022 12:30

I thought I was screaming (and swearing and ranting) but DH tells me I was silent.

It's not because labour was easy (it ended up being a ventouse as DS got stuck) or I have a high pain threshold, I just handle extreme pain by going quiet. It's not a better or worse way of handling pain, in fact it has drawbacks. Trying to convince people you are really truly in excruciating pain when you aren't screaming the place down is virtually impossible. I envy those of you who can vocalise your pain!

tympanic · 07/03/2022 12:32

I grabbed DH by the shirt, put my face close to his and quietly, almost threateningly, said: “You have to tell them the epidural isn’t working. You have to make them see. It’s. Not. Working. Tell them to give me something that works. Tell them. Tell them.”

I was delirious with pain and exhaustion. I was lucky enough to be one of the rare few for whom the epi doesn’t work. And his big head was stuck. Among other things. Good times.

Draineddraineddrained · 07/03/2022 12:44

For me it depended on the contraction. They were very close together and bloody painful all. In both my labours. I thought with the first one this was because I was induced, but second one started off on its own and no, my uterus just seems to go from 0-60 in very little time and hurt like buggery throughout

Some contractions I could fee lthem begin to start, and then I would honk on the old G&A, so mostly deeeeeeep inbreath noise and a sort of "mmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMM" a bit if it was really going some painwise. Midwives would very kindly tell me I was doing really well with those ones I also swore a good deal in between about how bloody painful they were, but that was just conversational.

But some of them seemed to come almost one on top of the other, so I would be just getting my breath back after the last one and suddenly the next one would be THERE at full strength, before i could get my head together for the G&A, and then I'd panic a bit and wail (and sometimes sort of crawl on the floor to try and get away from myself, ineffectively as you'd expect!).

I've always been jealous of the women who have that slow build up of contractions from every 20 mins etc to the every 3 minutes final hurdle bit. With my second (spontaneously initiating) labour, waters broke and within half an hour i was 3 contractions in 10 minutes and stayed that way for bloody hours. I feel like if I'd more of a chance to get used to it I could probably have acquitted myself better!

And as it happens my hyperventilating womb notwithstanding my body doesn't like getting babies out, so both mine ended up being emergency sections. Bloody waste of time and energy all round!

Draineddraineddrained · 07/03/2022 12:58

Also I do think any kind of 'tough mother' competition implied by this sort of question is a bit annoying. London Queen and her elephants thing being a prime example.

I think pain, whether we experience it, how we experience it, how we respond to it etc is so subjective as to be practically a meaningless measure.

It's not like anyone ever 'fails' at labour or does it wrong. It's a process that's almost completely out of our hands, unless we choose to intervene on it. We don't get to decide when it starts, how long it takes or how it goes. We don't get to decide which way round baby will be, if they are big or small, if they get stuck or not. It's the ultimate test of someone's ability to roll with the punches issued by fate. Which is why it is SO IMPORTANT that what we can control (where we are, who is with us, what is done or not done to us by HCPs) is respected. And why whatever we have to say or do to get through it is the right thing to do, be that pain relief, deep meditation, surgery, going into a dark room by ourselves, screaming or not screaming, pushing or not pushing. If we could all just accept it's a completely unique experience for everyone and they do what they do because that's how it is for them, we'd all be a lot happier I think.

Rather depressingly I'd say the closest comparison to pain and how we respond would be something like grief. Some people cry often and openly; others don't. Does that mean one of them is grieving better? Or that one is stronger than the other? Or that the tears are helpful or not helpful vs the silence? Or do we just say 'everyone grieves differently' and accept that there are many ways through it?

Lanascz · 07/03/2022 13:43

No it’s down to the actual birth, the position of the baby, luck, length of labour, the individual anatomy of the woman

I agree, but other factors like being 'allowed' the birth experience you feel most comfortable with, having fantastic midwives, feeling empowered in making decisions during the birth etc. feeling in control of the WAY that you give birth (as far as possible) all make a big difference as well.

MrsAvocet · 07/03/2022 13:57

I think there must be actual physical differences in the way different people's bodies feel pain - I don't think it is all about how tough or brave you are.
Not labour related, but I was badly injured in an accident in the past and had a number of injuries that are supposed to be the most painful you can have, and I honestly didn't think it was that bad. I mean, it wasn't nice and I wouldn't be in any hurry to repeat the experience, but it wasn't anywhere near as painful as I expected. I was surprised when I was told the extent of my injuries. People kept telling me I was being brave, but I wasn't.
The problem is, we all have a tendency to assume that our experiences are universal. Labour is probably one of the commonest really painful experiences so we tend to think that what we experienced is what everyone experiences and that just can't be true. When I was in hospital I met people with similar injuries to mine and I am sure they were genuinely experiencing a different level of pain to me. I can only assume it is the same for labour. Just because we have all gone through the same kind of process doesn't mean we had the same experience or found the same ways to cope.