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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you screamed or stayed silent in labour?

625 replies

WibbleWobbleWibble · 05/03/2022 18:14

The other night I was watching an old episode of call the midwife with my mum and dad. Both of the women giving birth were screaming the place down and it got us chatting.........my brother was born at home and my dad said he never heard a sound from my mum even though he was in the next room (1971 dads were not welcome in the delivery room).
My mum said that she couldn't identify with the screaming woman as she went quiet when she was in labour, I was the same, I went quiet and didn't say a word during both my deliveries.
Judging by TV and movie representations of women giving birth everyone screams! I think just as many women stay quiet as scream, it's whatever works for you ..........

YANBU I didn't scream
YABU I screamed the place down

OP posts:
ladygindiva · 06/03/2022 13:22

I understand, as that's how I felt about needing to be present. But the pain was insane.

ladygindiva · 06/03/2022 13:23

@ladygindiva

I understand, as that's how I felt about needing to be present. But the pain was insane.
Last comment directed at wotsit
BuyDirt · 06/03/2022 13:44

It’s not necessarily about having a high pain threshold, some births are more painful than others.

When I went into hospital to have my first child, I was already 6cm dilated, only mildly uncomfortable but I still didn’t have my baby for about 20 hours. He was in a difficult position and came out with his hand next to his head. The pain at times was off the scale. At one point I heard a scream and as the pain lessened, I realised it was me. The comments making out it’s a choice to scream are ridiculous and offensive.

My second birth was over in a few hours, painful but manageable. I didn’t scream. It was a completely different experience to my first birth. Having had experience of both, it’s clear that it isn’t just different pain tolerances, some births are more painful than others and unless you are that woman, you have no clue what she’s feeling.

Delatron · 06/03/2022 13:50

Yeah I was an idiot. Wish I’d had an epidural and gone to sleep. And not bought in to the NCT bullshit. I obviously thought I could have an ‘active birth’ with no pain relief. Read the Inya May book.
Rocked up at hospital with my homeopathic pain relief kit 🤣.
39 hours of attempting an ‘active labour’ yes I did shout and scream. And the rest. Back to back labour. 3 hours of pushing. Finally had an epidural, thankfully. Ended up with one shot at forceps or it would have been emergency c-section.

I didn’t know competitive silent birthing was a thing! Or it made you better.

All births are different. Many women are just unlucky. I have very narrow hips so I probably should have just gone straight for an epidural. All those births sound wonderful.

I don’t think the fear mongering about ‘the cascade of intervention’ pushed by the NCT does women any favours. And can make women feel like a failure. Out of my NCT group the one who had the best birth was the one who went straight for the epidural and watched TV for a few hours and had a nice rest.

Pain can stress you out and tire you out. Being out of pain can relax you. The narrative needs to change.

TruJay · 06/03/2022 13:53

@SnowFoxWinterFox I am so sorry you went through that. I too had a traumatic experience, but it all went badly wrong after my son was safely out, with a pph and emergency surgery for me. My dh and I say that the only positive was that ds wasn’t affected.

Your story is so upsetting and I hope your son is doing well despite his injuries.

SirChenjins · 06/03/2022 13:55

Some of these posts are weird. I didn’t scream (no idea why) but if I had then I wouldn’t have given a fuck.

The keyboard gymnastics some posters will do to get their daily ‘YABU you stupid woman’ fix is both fascinating and bemusing in equal measures.

JaninaDuszejko · 06/03/2022 14:11

I didn't scream with any of mine (3DC) but I didn't go silent either, in fact the MWs laughed at me because I spoke constantly through my labour with DD2. I remember when DS (DC3) was born, things got a bit hairy and the doctors decided I needed a CS and as they wheeled me down the corridor to the theatre I didn't want to make any noise in case it scared any FTMs in the rooms we were passing. In the end he was born very quickly but without any assistance (or pain relief).

SnowFoxWinterFox · 06/03/2022 14:12

Thanks so much to everyone who has posted nice messages following my post. I really appreciate it. DS is generally okay. He is a couple of years behind his chronological age and was left with some neurological issues. He is currently in a mainstream school but this has already been flagged to us (about a year ago) that he probably needs to be in a SEN setting. We were hoping that with considerable support he could stay at his very good school, but I am not sure how viable it is really.

I feel angry that my very clear wishes for a casearian were fobbed off. Dh watched the recent programme about the appalling shortcomings at Shewsbury hospital, but i could not face it. He told me afterwards that it was shocking, because all the shortcomings were just so familiar to what we experienced.

Anyway, i don't want to derail but I do want to say i appreciate people's thoughts and kindness. Thanks

Hankunamatata · 06/03/2022 14:20

Didnt have the energy to scream. More grunts, groans, etc focusing on pushing dc out.

BuyDirt · 06/03/2022 14:26

Again, people implying that making noise is a choice. It’s really not the case.🙄

MrsMonkeyBear · 06/03/2022 14:37

With DD1, I didnt make much noise as I had an epidural so couldn't feel a thing, just a bit of tugging when they pulled her out with forceps.

With DD2, I made the noise you make when you stubb your toe in the middle of the night and you dont want to wake the house up, almost like a scream but with your mouth shut. But that was only when I was crowning. I do remember a few "Holy fucks" and "Ooh ya bastards" with some contractions when I was caught off guard.

username99903 · 06/03/2022 16:04

@Confusedteacher

I barely said a word during labour (Gas and air helped!) But when it got to the pushing I screamed the house down - will never forget the midwife who said “push from your bottom not from your throat!” Angry
I was exactly the same. Silent through labour then scream like I never have before when it came to pushing. I actually felt like it helped. The midwife told me to stop using my energy screaming. She got the death stare before I carried on Shock. DH said he thought I was going to turn into the Hulk Envy
Mincingfuckdragon · 06/03/2022 17:16

I was fairly silent during my first labour, which was induced and extremely painful until I had an epidural. I just couldn't catch my breath and had to be quiet to deal with the pain.

Second labour was not induced and I used a low humming noise during contractions - until I went from 4 cm dilated to delivery in less than 10 minutes with no pain relief and then I roared incredibly loudly twice. Fuck it hurt. I've never forgotten that pain.

So my labours were quite different. And that's absolutely fine. And fuck anyone who judges another woman for how much noise she makes in labour.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 06/03/2022 17:22

Apparently I sounded like Wookie Chewbacca - a low growl/moan type noise.

LadyWhistledownsPen · 06/03/2022 17:41

I didn't scream with either of mine. I had epidurals with both but even before I had the epidural I didn't scream. Just clung to my gas and air and concentrated on breathing. I was watching afternoon telly when my second arrived.

TizerorFizz · 06/03/2022 18:16

@Delatron
You have described my experience with the NCT! I knew I wanted an epidural but the silence when I said so was deafening. It means you cannot (probably) say you screamed or you had never felt pain like it. But you could be in control and relax.

It’s interesting that women not being given options is in the Sunday Times again today because the RCN have realised they need to offer the best advice to everyone and there was no evidence that a natural birth was better. In fact it can be less safe. Women are just fine with modern epidurals. I know you are not guaranteed one but ditto birthing pool or home birth or DC around you etc. However I strongly believe other women shouldn’t look down on those who want intervention and the NCT and midwives have been guilty of that. It’s now changing thank God after the mid Staffs Enquiry.

Onlyforcake · 06/03/2022 18:42

First one I grunted a lot. Mainly wanted everyone else to shut up, so I could concentrate. Second one a sort of half apologetic half annoyed "well she's coming anyway" when the midwife asked me to wait until I could change beds and wincing mainly. Third one a bit of "no i can't do that" quite snappishly until the gas and air took effect (never had it before) that was the birth that scared me but I didn't scream but I was definitely in the most pain for a while with lots of sharp intakes of breath and moans of pain, distinct grumble when they put the probe monitor thing on his head.

Fuckityfucksake · 06/03/2022 20:14

I didn't scream in any of my 4 labours, kind of growled my way through.
I did scream and scream when my bile duct blocked after gall bladder removal though. Actually out of control screamed the place down until the morphine kicked in.

GinIronic · 06/03/2022 20:31

I screamed and a MW slapped my leg so hard to shut me up that she left her handprint on my thigh. She also kept tapping forceps against the bed to "encourage " me to push.

Bibbitybobbityboo86 · 06/03/2022 20:39

I mooed and roared - honestly the sounds I made I’ve never heard come out of me before

BigRedDuck · 06/03/2022 20:45

I was absolutely silent. So much so that they had to keep checking I was OK (obviously fucking not!)
I think the first sound I uttered was when I had pushed DDs head out and the midwife said to touch it (fucking gross, don't do it) and I said "ergh, it's all. Slimy"
The next sound I uttered was "I don't feel very well" which was shortly followed by several alarms sounding and emergency surgery Blush
(I had an elective caesarean the second time round Grin)

BigRedDuck · 06/03/2022 20:49

*I had gas and air. Which eventually the midwife realised I was just biting down on the mouthpiece, not actually using it. My teeth and jaw hurt for weeks afterwards

LizzoBennett · 06/03/2022 21:41

I put that I was screaming but really it was a low grunting noise. I was quiet until about 8cm dialated.

bultaoreune · 07/03/2022 01:02

Depends on your pain tolerance levels and how you deal with pain in general. I was quiet when it was manageable but screamed for half an hour when they increased the dose until I got epidural. It was simply unmanageable.

Pinkrose19 · 07/03/2022 01:27

I had an unexpected home birth on Friday with my 2nd - we didn’t make it to hospital in time so my partner delivered the baby before the paramedics arrived and I didn’t have any pain relief. I can’t even describe the noises I made! It was like a deep groan trying to exhale all the air from my lungs so I could push. The pain was indescribable, I wasn’t even loud, just deep, almost like a cows moo!

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