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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you screamed or stayed silent in labour?

625 replies

WibbleWobbleWibble · 05/03/2022 18:14

The other night I was watching an old episode of call the midwife with my mum and dad. Both of the women giving birth were screaming the place down and it got us chatting.........my brother was born at home and my dad said he never heard a sound from my mum even though he was in the next room (1971 dads were not welcome in the delivery room).
My mum said that she couldn't identify with the screaming woman as she went quiet when she was in labour, I was the same, I went quiet and didn't say a word during both my deliveries.
Judging by TV and movie representations of women giving birth everyone screams! I think just as many women stay quiet as scream, it's whatever works for you ..........

YANBU I didn't scream
YABU I screamed the place down

OP posts:
golddustwomen · 07/03/2022 14:12

Screamed the fucking room down during the pushing stage with both my kids. In fact during my second labour another midwife came in to assist and rolled her eyes at my midwife and asked her if it was my first child. It's actual torture Grin

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 07/03/2022 14:14

I think there must be actual physical differences in the way different people's bodies feel pain - I don't think it is all about how tough or brave you are.

Agree. Stubbing my toe has me jumping up and down swearing but I've had two emergency csections where once the epidural/spinal wore off, it didn't hurt. Didn't take pain relief outside theatre, was strolling to Nicu, climbing stairs within hours etc much to the amazement/horror of the staff. Bone pain hurts a lot (labour included as my babies like smashing their giant heads into my spine), everything else not so much. It wasn't something I chose, it just wasn't painful.

BuyDirt · 07/03/2022 14:21

The problem is, we all have a tendency to assume that our experiences are universal.

Many people do this. But I have had 2 very different experiences of birth so it’s nothing to do with pain tolerance.

I even had a doctor tell me my period pain couldn’t be that bad. Hmm Well, I’d had periods that weren’t ‘that bad’ for 20 years and then suddenly they became extremely painful. When you’ve experienced different levels of pain from the same experience, birth or periods, you realise there are differences in the level of pain those things cause and it’s nothing to do with pain tolerance.

Delatron · 07/03/2022 14:32

So many have said on here that their own labours have been different each time so it’s nothing to do with pain tolerance!!

Strawberryjellyicecream · 07/03/2022 14:37

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Bintymcbintface · 07/03/2022 14:49

I was pretty quiet, said "oh shit" when things really hurt and then apologised for swearing

BuyDirt · 07/03/2022 14:51

I do think people have different pain thresholds and individuals can tolerate some types of pain better than others. But who cares?

I care. I’ve seen women that are my friends being made to feel like they’re weak for having an epidural or getting upset by reading comments like some on here with women insinuating they are somehow not as good or they failed because they screamed or begged for more pain relief.

One of my best friends had extremely bad PND and being made to feel this way by other women really didn’t help her.

I know that some births hurt more than others because I’ve experienced it myself. 2 births, 2 completely different levels of pain.

Strawberryjellyicecream · 07/03/2022 14:55

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Strawberryjellyicecream · 07/03/2022 14:56

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Lanascz · 07/03/2022 15:06

Stay away from the ‘natural birthing’ nutters

Seriously?

Ironically most of the women who feel they ‘failed’ were quite judgey in pregnancy, spouting the ‘birthing goddess’ nonsense

So you feel that judging other women in how they experience pregnancy and birth is wrong. Yet you post like this?

Strawberryjellyicecream · 07/03/2022 15:07

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Delatron · 07/03/2022 15:07

I care that we are still even on here pushing the pain threshold argument.

Yes in day to day life pain thresholds can vary.

But in labour many other factors are far more important. A back to back birth for 2 days? Try your high pain threshold with that.
Again, many women on here have had different pain levels for different labours. Their pain threshold hasn’t suddenly changed. We need to stop going down this ‘high pain threshold versus low pain threshold’ route.

NuclearBunker · 07/03/2022 15:12

First- Did the growl, whimpered lots after the first day and sort of yell screamed at the end. 3 days of active labour. Horrible. Allergic to anaesthetic and epidural.

Second- 14 hours of active labour. More made noises of "I can't do this, I'm too exhausted."

Third- 10 hours of active labour. Definitely screamed when he came out. He was 10lb and ripped the entire length of my vaginal canal.

NuclearBunker · 07/03/2022 15:13

And all three of mine were back to back as well. Feels like your bones are being fractured with every contraction

BuyDirt · 07/03/2022 16:04

Stay away from the ‘natural birthing’ nutters then you won’t feel that way! Ironically most of the women who feel they ‘failed’ were quite judgey in pregnancy, spouting the ‘birthing goddess’ nonsense. After a traumatic birth, they suddenly don’t like it and accuse other women of making them feel weak etc

My friend wasn’t a ‘natural birthing nutter’, didn’t have a birth plan and is one of the least judgemental people I know. That’s why I like her. She is a quiet and sensitive person that would never have commented on anyone’s experience of birth. She’s one of those people that tries to find the good in everyone and everything. She had a dreadful time giving birth and her baby was very, very poorly for months. Comments from others really made things worse. I’d have just told them to fuck off but not everyone finds that as easy I as I do. 😬

DillDanding · 07/03/2022 16:38

I think everyone experiences pain very differently.

I was up for all the drugs, believe me. I had no birth plan or any idea of how it might go. My first was 9.5lb and back to back. Everyone tells me this is more painful, but I didn't find it that bad and had no drugs. The next one was easy peasy, so again, no drugs. Not being a martyr - it just didn't get to the point where I felt I needed pain relief. I'd have been insisting on them if it had. I know I am the exception to the rule.

TricksAnd · 07/03/2022 16:57

I think everyone experiences pain very differently

I think people can have different tolerances to pain but I think it’s usually more that sometimes some things hit pain receptors more than others.

It’s not necessarily because some women are braver or more stoic than others.

BeanCart · 07/03/2022 16:59

It wasn't a scream. More just like a groan through gritted teeth. It was like that pain where a scream just isn't enough. I couldn't make a proper noise if that makes sense 🤣

ShowOfHands · 07/03/2022 17:57

@DillDanding

I think everyone experiences pain very differently.

I was up for all the drugs, believe me. I had no birth plan or any idea of how it might go. My first was 9.5lb and back to back. Everyone tells me this is more painful, but I didn't find it that bad and had no drugs. The next one was easy peasy, so again, no drugs. Not being a martyr - it just didn't get to the point where I felt I needed pain relief. I'd have been insisting on them if it had. I know I am the exception to the rule.

I agree with Tricks. It's not that we experience pain differently per se, more that each labour is different. I have a really high pain threshold and cope well with most uncomfortable situations. I found CS recovery a breeze, up and about within 2hrs and discharged after 12hrs. Never took a single painkiller.

However, I've had two identical labours with two babies in the same position. One was pain like nothing I've ever experienced. It hurt in every cell of my body. I was floored by it. One didn't hurt at all, just felt mildly uncomfortable. It wasn't anything to do with my normal pain responses, more a single and unique experience.

I've been a birth partner enough times to have seen friends have their 5th and 6th babies even and no two labours have been the same. My friend who has 6 has had wildly different experiences of pain across her deliveries.

Draineddraineddrained · 07/03/2022 19:01

I will say here and now though I'd happily do labour again rather than have severe mastitis. Just the utter, total, full body bone deep pain and uncontrollable chills, feeling like utter utter shit and having to look after and attempt to breastfeed a baby through it all was far far worse than either labour.

Mammyloveswine · 07/03/2022 19:18

I mooed like a cow Grin

MingeofDeath · 07/03/2022 19:20

I remember saying "Ooh me bum" a lot.

Bromse · 07/03/2022 19:20

I didn't scream but neither was I quiet. I groaned loudly at times, especially towards the end. However I didn't have a very long and painful labour so no complaints. Some people have a terrible time and I don't blame them for shrieking if it helps.

Whiskeylover86 · 07/03/2022 20:49

I screamed. A lot. And mooed, and grunted. Ironic really considering I'd been watching one born every minute prior to giving birth and swore I would never moo...until I heard myself do it Blush

Ellaraine · 07/03/2022 20:55

I didn't scream. I grunted. 12 days over due and oxytocin drip with no epidural. I didn't have the energy to scream.