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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think young babysitters should be paid in cash?

178 replies

Confrontayshunme · 05/03/2022 15:17

We are going out for dinner with friends, and a friend's DD (15) is going to babysit our school aged children for a few hours. I pointed out that I needed to get some cash to pay her, and my DH said "That's okay, I'll just do a bank transfer." I told him that probably quite a few young teens may not have a bank account. Then he said "Well it is good work experience for her to get me her parents' details and follow up with me if it doesn't work." As a teenager, I relished having cash that was all my own, and a few times, I had odd parents who were tricky to get paid or their cheques didn't work, so I always asked for cash.

I told him I thought it might be difficult for a 15yo girl to confront and negotiate with a big 40yo man for payment, so we should do cash so she feels comfortable and doesn't have to worry about it. He then said that it was sexist to think that, as he had was comfortable doing that when he was a (6'3" 17yo) boy. Am I the only person who feels like the dynamic is all wrong (though I acknowledge that is a separate issue to the cash vs bank transfer)?

YABU - teens today should be fine being paid by bank transfer and discussing money with unrelated adults

YANBU - most teen girl babysitters would like cash as it is easy

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 05/03/2022 15:18

I think asking her how she would like to be paid gives her the most respect Smile

Duracellbunnywannabe · 05/03/2022 15:19

Can’t you just text your baby sitter and ask them which they would prefer? Most have their own bank accounts and online banking now.

Wonderberry · 05/03/2022 15:19

I think cash is best as it's tangible for a teen. She may not be overly enthusiastic about being paid by bank transfer. There is also the awkwardness if the transfer doesn't go through.

ThinWomansBrain · 05/03/2022 15:19

ask her if she has a bank account? / how she would prefer to be paid?

XelaM · 05/03/2022 15:19

Cash is King! Your DH is being ridiculous

Loopytiles · 05/03/2022 15:19

Agree with Laurie: ask her!

It seems unlikely she doesn’t have a bank account though!

tryingtosettle · 05/03/2022 15:19

I'd expect most teens nowadays to have their own bank account. Most shopping is done online.

Sheeeeeysh · 05/03/2022 15:19

Just get the money out for her.

Does he make everything this complicated?

IsThisNameTaken · 05/03/2022 15:20

Not really sure if YABU but whenever DD gets paid in cash she gives it straight to me and asks me to do a transfer to her bank account - she doesn't want cash and uses apple pay for everything. Having said that, the parents she sits for tend to round it up to nearest £5 or £10 when they pay her in cash whereas they may just pay the right amount if doing a transfer so she never complains!

StarsAndSugarlumps · 05/03/2022 15:20

He’s a plonker.

Not necessarily about the cash, but for not realising that large adult men can be intimidating to 15 year old girls. Tell him to educate himself.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/03/2022 15:20

Mine is 16. Most teens will have a bank account and prefer using card/Apple Pay. I’d just text and ask if she wants cash or bank transfer. I’d be clear in rate in advance no negotiation or awkwardness needed.

LadyCatStark · 05/03/2022 15:21

Neither. I think most teenagers are well used to digital banking but she shouldn’t have to negotiate or follow up, she should just be paid straight away.

Ottercave · 05/03/2022 15:23

All of mine would have preferred a bank transfer as then they can order stuff online.
Anytime they get given cash I transfer the amount into their accounts and then pay the cash in to mine next time I’m at the bank or post office.

zhivagodr · 05/03/2022 15:23

Your husband sounds exhausting.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 05/03/2022 15:23

Think it depends how often she babysits in general, not just for you. A lot of babysitting and she has to go frequently to the bank to put money in. Just a little and cash is probably easier. Make sure you have the right change for an hour more as she might not.

SE13Mummy · 05/03/2022 15:24

My teen DD prefers the families she babysits for to pay her by bank transfer. Any time she's paid in cash, she gives that to me and asks me to transfer. Contact the babysitter beforehand and ask. But expect to be told, "don't mind"...

RedskyThisNight · 05/03/2022 15:24

My teens would much prefer a bank transfer. If they get given cash they always give it to us and ask us to transfer them the money. Cash is not really a thing any more amongst their age group.

I think it's pretty unlikely that someone who is old enough to babysit doesn't have a bank account.
The 15 year old is not "negotiating" payment surely - replying to "would you like cash or a bank transfer" is just stating a preference.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/03/2022 15:24

So your DHs suggesting paying this kids parents for the work she does?

NotAScoobyToBeSeen · 05/03/2022 15:24

Definitely ask which is the preferred way

Anyone who thinks they can turn everything into a teaching/learning experience is usually a bore and either up themselves or they just want everything the easiest way for them and sod any inconvenience for others involved.

Mushrooms0up · 05/03/2022 15:24

Just ask her? Personally all the teens I know hate cash. They want to buy stuff online / via Apple Pay and quite a few trendy places don’t even take cash

TippledPink · 05/03/2022 15:25

My DD also gives cash straight to me and I have to transfer money to her account- then I am stuck with cash I don't want! But I think you should ask her what she would prefer.

latetothefisting · 05/03/2022 15:26

YABU because I think most teenagers never use cash, and would definitely have their own bank account and use that for transfers/online shopping themselves. There was a thread on this the other day when posters listed a number of fairly big chains that do not accept cash, at all, any more.

YHIBU for not recognising the difference b/w a 17 year old male, who could have legally joined the army, got a full time job, fathered a child (so asking for payment is hardly out of the realm of expectation) to a 15 year old girl, who is still a child. He is also BU to on one hand expect her to negotiate with him as peers, but on the other suggest paying her parents! What if her parents refuse to give the money to her, how is he going to 'negotiate' that one!

Surely the easiest option would be to get the cash out and ask her what she prefers?

steff13 · 05/03/2022 15:26

I'd ask her

Lou98 · 05/03/2022 15:27

At 15 I would have preferred a bank transfer. I used to babysit and get paid in cash and I ended up just wasting it on takeaways while I babysat because I couldn't do much else with it where I live.

Any time I got paid a bit more for babysitting overnight or if I had money left I'd give it to my mum and ask her to transfer me the money so I had it in my account - it meant that I could buy clothes, makeup etc online.

I would ask her what she prefers - either way though she shouldn't be having to have awkward chats and follow up about money, you pay her on the night either by bank transfer or cash and make sure it's sent, she shouldn't have to do anything

MyDcAreMarvel · 05/03/2022 15:27

Of course 15 year olds have bank cards.

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