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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think young babysitters should be paid in cash?

178 replies

Confrontayshunme · 05/03/2022 15:17

We are going out for dinner with friends, and a friend's DD (15) is going to babysit our school aged children for a few hours. I pointed out that I needed to get some cash to pay her, and my DH said "That's okay, I'll just do a bank transfer." I told him that probably quite a few young teens may not have a bank account. Then he said "Well it is good work experience for her to get me her parents' details and follow up with me if it doesn't work." As a teenager, I relished having cash that was all my own, and a few times, I had odd parents who were tricky to get paid or their cheques didn't work, so I always asked for cash.

I told him I thought it might be difficult for a 15yo girl to confront and negotiate with a big 40yo man for payment, so we should do cash so she feels comfortable and doesn't have to worry about it. He then said that it was sexist to think that, as he had was comfortable doing that when he was a (6'3" 17yo) boy. Am I the only person who feels like the dynamic is all wrong (though I acknowledge that is a separate issue to the cash vs bank transfer)?

YABU - teens today should be fine being paid by bank transfer and discussing money with unrelated adults

YANBU - most teen girl babysitters would like cash as it is easy

OP posts:
TulipsTwoLips · 05/03/2022 15:50

Bank transfer all the way with the teens I know. Everyone suggesting otherwise is just being a dick.

GabriellaMontez · 05/03/2022 15:50

Most teens have bank accounts. It's virtually essential. But it's not for him to decide this for her.

"Would you prefer cash or bank transfer? "

Should do it.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 05/03/2022 15:51

He sounds annoying. I bet he's annoying.

Give the girl cash.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 05/03/2022 15:51

Or ask her her preference.

Lovemusic33 · 05/03/2022 15:53

My daughter hates cash, she only really spends money online or occasionally contactless whilst out, never cash. When she gets cash she gives it to me and I transfer the money to her account.

It’s best just to ask her.

girlmom21 · 05/03/2022 15:55

Don't let him send the money to her parents.

Get the cash.

Thepaintedgarden · 05/03/2022 15:55

Definitely ask her.
One of mine gets paid in cash and really dislikes it. We're constantly taking the cash for them and putting the money in their account.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 05/03/2022 15:55

Well whatever you decide, if your kids are as much work as your dh is coming across pay her double Wink

Josette77 · 05/03/2022 15:56

Bank transfer. My 11 yo prefers this so he can shop online..

RedskyThisNight · 05/03/2022 15:56

@1forAll74

I would say that most teenagers would prefer a cash payment. at all times. They can always save the money if they dont want to rush out and spend the money straight away,
Do you have/know teenagers, or are you thinking back to when you were yourself a teen? Because everyone with teens on this thread has said they would prefer bank transfer.
georgarina · 05/03/2022 15:57

Ask her. Bank transfer probably better but she shouldn't have to chase or follow up with anything.

Beachbreak2411 · 05/03/2022 16:02

Of course she needs cash! If you sold something to a person on Facebook would you accept a bank transfer? (I wouldn’t) give the girl cash and make things easy for her. Yes she may have a bank account but it’s always nice (esp as a 15 year old) to get cash in hand!

Toomanyradishes · 05/03/2022 16:02

"Well it is good work experience for her to get me her parents' details and follow up with me if it doesn't work."
This comment is odd, how can it be good work experience? Ive literally never had a workplace pay my parents Hmm

If he doesnt want to get cash unneccessarily he should have checked in advance how she wanted to be paid and been prepared to get the cash out if that was the choice. Not expected to use a third party (parents) and cause extra work for them and the babysitter through his lack of preparation. (What a suprise that a girl could end up with extra work due to a mans lack of preparation...)

Although from the sound of it you were the one making the arrangements to get the cash so i dont even understand why he needs to get involved at all. Is he often awkward and obstructive for the sake of it.

Sisisimone · 05/03/2022 16:03

@KatherineofGaunt

Your DH wants a 15yo girl to have to follow up with him if the online payment doesn't work to her parent's account? So she babysits on Saturday evening and then has to come round again or call your DH a week later if the money still isn't in her parent's account?

Your DH is an idiot. Just get cash.

Exactly this. Is your DH normally an asshole?
MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 05/03/2022 16:03

@Thepaintedgarden

Definitely ask her. One of mine gets paid in cash and really dislikes it. We're constantly taking the cash for them and putting the money in their account.
Why can't they do that themselves?
Midlifemusings · 05/03/2022 16:05

Both of you are stuck in the past times. Teens now are very digital and barely ever use cash and he is wrong that a teen girl wouldn't be intimidated by him.

HollowTalk · 05/03/2022 16:07

Your husband sounds like a knob.

Halllyup17 · 05/03/2022 16:08

Just ask her. Some teenagers will want cash, some will have a bank account. Nobody is being unreasonable.

Melawati · 05/03/2022 16:08

@TulipsTwoLips

Bank transfer all the way with the teens I know. Everyone suggesting otherwise is just being a dick.
Really? My teenage DD is happy to be paid in cash. It’s the most straightforward way. Sometimes after a few drinks on a night out people forget to pay a transfer and it’s uncomfortable and time consuming to follow up. I’m not a dick.
DaveGrohl · 05/03/2022 16:11

Definitely give the sitter the choice. But it would be bizarre if they didn’t have a bank account. Or maybe that’s just me growing up in a different country where it would be highly unusual for children not to have their own bank accounts - and it’s much easier to open a bank account in pretty much every other country in the world. The Uk seems to have a lot of barriers to opening accounts!

Original poster
Confrontayshunme · 05/03/2022 16:12

I feel like I should point out that he is not so obstructive about things but would use his phone/Paypal/ApplePay before cash and has a really weird hang up about the fact that "we are a cashless society". Two times I told him in the past 3 years I have told him I am getting cash and he just gets really weird about it! I have access to all of our accounts but he moans every time I go to get my hair done that I have to take cash out.

Maybe we are just in a weird period of time where the world is NOT cashless but there are significant numbers of people (especially digital native young people) no longer use it.

I had a savings account until I was 16 but I do know there are probably lots of teens with bank accounts. I assumed we would get cash and ask her when she comes, so we should have cash if she wants that. I have paid her in cash before with no problems so assumed that she would tell me if she wanted a bank transfer!

OP posts:
Eggshausted · 05/03/2022 16:14

@Graphista

Your dh is a dick!

Is he trying to avoid paying/paying a decent amount?

You also need to address his misogyny preferably before he passes it onto your kids!

I don't for a second believe he doesn't really get that a teenage girl has a Damn sight less power or agency than a 40 year old bloke!

Especially (but not only) if you have daughters yourself you need to be very clear with him that such ridiculous ideas and attitudes don't belong around your dc.

He sounds like a dodgy stingy mra!

Really? Just because he doesn’t know how many teens use online banking makes him ‘a dick’? It means he’s stingy?

Watch you don’t break your trampoline, jumping to all these conclusions!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/03/2022 16:14

If my dd went to do a babysitting job and the person booking her asked for my bank account to pay her I'd politely decline. Why should her parents get involved?

OP- go to the cashpoint and draw out some money.

xprincessxjanetx · 05/03/2022 16:14

Definitely ask her. I didn't have a bank account until I was 18, and i'm only 29 now so not too long ago! I just had no use for it until then.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 05/03/2022 16:14

You'll be the one laughing, OP, when some dark forces take down our banking services and cash will be king once more. Maybe.