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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think young babysitters should be paid in cash?

178 replies

Confrontayshunme · 05/03/2022 15:17

We are going out for dinner with friends, and a friend's DD (15) is going to babysit our school aged children for a few hours. I pointed out that I needed to get some cash to pay her, and my DH said "That's okay, I'll just do a bank transfer." I told him that probably quite a few young teens may not have a bank account. Then he said "Well it is good work experience for her to get me her parents' details and follow up with me if it doesn't work." As a teenager, I relished having cash that was all my own, and a few times, I had odd parents who were tricky to get paid or their cheques didn't work, so I always asked for cash.

I told him I thought it might be difficult for a 15yo girl to confront and negotiate with a big 40yo man for payment, so we should do cash so she feels comfortable and doesn't have to worry about it. He then said that it was sexist to think that, as he had was comfortable doing that when he was a (6'3" 17yo) boy. Am I the only person who feels like the dynamic is all wrong (though I acknowledge that is a separate issue to the cash vs bank transfer)?

YABU - teens today should be fine being paid by bank transfer and discussing money with unrelated adults

YANBU - most teen girl babysitters would like cash as it is easy

OP posts:
Cleothecat75 · 05/03/2022 23:07

Dd gets paid in cash and it’s a right pain. First thing that happens is that she gives me the cash and I have to bank transfer money to her. I’m then left with the cash and no where to spend it. There is only one bank left in our town and it is only open very part time hours so we can’t get to it.

Afaik, all her friends have bank accounts And they seem to transfer money between themselves fairly easily now they know how to do it (paying for tickets etc), so I assume the majority have wages and pocket money paid straight in to their own accounts.

Cleothecat75 · 05/03/2022 23:17

@madeittofriday There is only one bank left in our town (which isn’t the bank we use) and it is only open for very limited part time hours so we have to go to the next town to pay money in to our bank account. If I were to make dd take her own money to the bank she would have to travel by bus. The bus fare is £5.60 for a 15 year old to the next town. Thats why I take the cash of her and transfer her the money, because it’s ridiculous for her to spend an hours wages in a bus ticket just to pay her money in to her bank account.

Original poster
Confrontayshunme · 06/03/2022 00:13

Crisis averted. We asked her, and she said she prefers cash but she does have a bank account and card. She has mislaid her bank card twice so said cash means she can put it in her purse until she needs it. She was actually really sweet and said she still had the £10 I paid her the first time she babysat for us for a meeting I had. I get the impression there isn't a lot of pocket money or chance for earning from her parents (they are on low wages and have a big family), so I am glad I got the cash out in the end!

OP posts:
Saracen · 06/03/2022 00:24

It would be considerate of you to ask her how she prefers to be paid and to go along with that.

At the same time, I also agree with your DH that a teen will gain valuable experience from discussing and negotiating on the terms of their work. If she isn't comfortable asking for what she needs, that's a skill for her to practice.

I would treat her with the same amount of consideration you would offer an adult who was doing the same job. No more, no less.

My teen benefited tremendously from being treated as an adult in a work environment and having to develop the appropriate skills.

VodselForDinner · 06/03/2022 00:24

”Well it is good work experience for her to get me her parents' details and follow up with me if it doesn't work."

He sounds like a right knob.

XelaM · 06/03/2022 01:18

Well done OP 👏🏼

TheTeenageYears · 06/03/2022 02:21

I would ask her. I certainly wouldn't expect her to hand over her parents bank details if she doesn't have her own account.

BuyDirt · 06/03/2022 04:37

Weird that she would lose her bank card twice but not cash. Wouldn’t she just keep her bank card in her purse like she will keep her cash in there. 🤷🏻‍♀️

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 06/03/2022 06:34

@BuyDirt

Weird that she would lose her bank card twice but not cash. Wouldn’t she just keep her bank card in her purse like she will keep her cash in there. 🤷🏻‍♀️
Is it weird? Or is your analysis weird?
BuyDirt · 06/03/2022 06:53

Is it weird? Or is your analysis weird?

Well I think it’s weird. 😂 That she loses her card but not cash.

Migrainesbythedozen · 06/03/2022 06:55

@BuyDirt

Weird that she would lose her bank card twice but not cash. Wouldn’t she just keep her bank card in her purse like she will keep her cash in there. 🤷🏻‍♀️
@BuyDirt Maybe she's like me (and others I know who are now leaving their purses at home) at the moment. We have been encouraged to use our EFTPOS card instead of cash since the pandemic (for cash handling hygiene reasons) and I can't be bothered to take my whole purse with me every time I pop to the shops or go to the pub if I'm not actually going to hand over any cash, there doesn't seem to be a point in taking the actual purse anymore, so I slip my card in my pocket or hold onto it. It's easier to misplace a card in your hard or that you move from pocket to pocket to table to hand to pocket, than a bigger purse. I've also dropped my card a couple of times when juggling holding onto green bags and putting on a mask, and have had to walk back along the footpath to find my dropped card. They are much smaller and much much lighter than a purse, so they're easier to lose/drop from your grasp etc.
PeacefulPrune · 06/03/2022 06:59

You need to ask her how she wants to be paid.

I'd defo expect her to have her own account though.

Bunnycat101 · 06/03/2022 07:14

I think you’re both being a bit unreasonable. Your DH for the ‘good work experience bit’ and you for making her sound utterly helpless. If you can’t have a sensible conversation about how she’d prefer to be paid or you don’t think she could speak to your DH is she actually capable of babysitting?

So if she is capable enough to deal with an emergency in your house (of which she’d likely need to interact with your DH and other stampers) she should be capable of talking about payment. I’d she’s not, then she shouldn’t be in sole charge of your children.

BuyDirt · 06/03/2022 07:27

Migrainesbythedozen

Everyone I know uses Apple Pay or card. For that reason they guard their phone/card with their life. Easier to lose than a purse so you make sure you keep track of it. Pretty careless otherwise. Anyway, I don’t really care what others do, just find it odd and that’s ok. I know where my phone and card is so 👍

girlmom21 · 06/03/2022 07:28

@BuyDirt

Weird that she would lose her bank card twice but not cash. Wouldn’t she just keep her bank card in her purse like she will keep her cash in there. 🤷🏻‍♀️
I just take my bank card if I'm popping to the shop or whatever then drop it down the side of my car seat or put it somewhere 'safe' rather than back in my purse cos I'm an idiot Grin
Marmelace · 06/03/2022 07:31

Mine 16 and all his money goes into his bank, he shops online or by card

LynetteScavo · 06/03/2022 08:08

My 15 year old would have preferred a bank transfer -at 16 she has a part time job that pays into an account, so if she didn't have an account she wouldn't get paid.

The answer here is to ask the teen what she prefers, but also say you'd prefer to pay by bank transfer.

And no, at fifteen I wouldn't have negotiated with an adult about pay, so cash would make no difference. If paying by bank transfer it would need to be paid before she goes home and not the next morning.

Chely · 06/03/2022 08:12

Our 16 year old prefers band transfers to cash, we got her an account with card at 13.

Chely · 06/03/2022 08:12

Bank not band

Gonnagetgoing · 06/03/2022 08:22

Most babysitters I know go on apps like bubble etc where you pay by bank transfer.

Neighbour told me she hired the 18 year old from down the road to babysit her 2 older children and was asked to bank transfer the money.

Most teens I know have bank accounts and Apple pay etc.

When I was a teen in early to mid/late 89s there was no internet banking we just got handed the cash.

Gonnagetgoing · 06/03/2022 08:22

But in your case OP you’ve clarified and she says she prefers cash so I guess that’s ok.

LittleOwl153 · 06/03/2022 08:27

I'd say your husband is a bit nieve if he thinks paying her via her parents account is acceptable - just because it's convenient to him. What if the kids parents didn't hand over the money? He then hasn't paid her has he? There could be lots of reasons - parents in overdraft, money spent before she asked, she doesn't feel she can ask parents for cash anyway... very nieve of him.

Teens are very fickle and vary enormously in where they are at with things glad you asked OP and all is sorted!

PrivateHall · 06/03/2022 08:27

@VodselForDinner

”Well it is good work experience for her to get me her parents' details and follow up with me if it doesn't work."

He sounds like a right knob.

This! Sorry op but he sounds awful. If your DH treated my DD like that, it would definitely be the last time she babysat for you!
MisgenderedSwan · 06/03/2022 09:08

We pay our young babysitter cash. We give it to her before we go out so there's no awkward hanging about when we get home where we might/might no pay her (possibly in her mind although I might be overthinking it).

When I babysat as a teen I hated it - one couple would come back drunk and either forget to pay or overpay and as a teen dealing with a drunk adult man was quite intimidating.

Our babysitter charges £5 an hour. Our dc are 7 and 10 so easy and well behaved. We always give at least £10 on top of what the hourly rate would be and make sure we get her a box of chocolates (heroes or similar). We have never had a babysitter before her and she is so sweet and reliable!!!

splink · 06/03/2022 15:33

On the other hand, he probably knows how to use a comma.