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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so angry with this apology

234 replies

MariJx · 05/03/2022 09:21

A year ago my ex broke up with me. It wasn't a healthy relationship towards the end, borderline abusive. But he was the one to end it and cut all contact with me. I have only seen him once since when he approached me whilst I was out with friends, kissed me, told me he loved me & it was hard so hard to stay away from me, but that's what he needed to do as we couldn't be together. Otherwise I have not seen or heard from him at all.
I didn't cope well at all with the break up. I had a bit of a breakdown and had to see the dr. I am now having therapy.
So last night I received an email from him. It's supposed to be an apology I assume but it's filled me with rage. He talks about how I used to be confident in myself and 'unapologetically me' and he loved that about me. Then says he's sorry because he took all that away from me!! I feel like it reads like some kind of power trip.' 'You were a strong, independent woman and I had the power to ruin you and turn you into a complete mess' That's not a fucking apology is it??! He then says something about how he was trying to 'fix me' but I wasn't broken, so he broke me, then walked away because he couldn't stand to see what he had done to me! It's completely ridiculous bs!
Its really upset me and made me so mad. It's so completely bizarre and I have no idea why he sent it.
It's not an apology is it? He's not sorry. He's just trying to mess with my head, or make himself feel better that it's all OK because he said sorry.
Or aibu and just being overly sensitive... and he is actually trying to apologise..?

OP posts:
BornIn78 · 05/03/2022 09:24

You’re well rid of this twat.

Block him on everything and don’t reply.

LawnFever · 05/03/2022 09:24

He’s trying to mess with your head, it’s a power trip.

Don’t reply, he wants a response from you, you’re totally right it’s not an apology at all.

Block his email and leave it there, you’re well rid of this man out of your life.

cansu · 05/03/2022 09:24

The best thing you can do with that shit is bin it and avoid any contact with him at all. He is trying to get back into your life. You need to be clearly shutting that door.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 05/03/2022 09:25

No. He's being an absolute wanker.

KindlyKanga · 05/03/2022 09:25

Don't reply he wants a reply.

What a dick.

JellybabyGina87 · 05/03/2022 09:26

He sounds like a dramatic attention seeker.I wouldn't let it bother me though. He's an ex and there's no need to have him in your life anymore. He can only say things like this if you let him in. Ignore it and block him.

Arabellla · 05/03/2022 09:26

What a cunt. Respond back: Who dis?

KatherineofGaunt · 05/03/2022 09:26

It's not an apology and it sounds like he under some serious delusions about your relationship.

You're not "broken", ffs, and you don't need fixing.

Go forth and enjoy your life without this total cock.

oapcarer · 05/03/2022 09:29

He is 100 % batshit. Poor man

AllOfUsAreDead · 05/03/2022 09:29

Oh but a proper reply could really bring this twat down on his knees...

Can say stuff to him like 'oh you didn't break me, you turned me into a more confident, powerful woman who has realised she doesn't need weak little men like you. I've got better men that I can talk to now and thank you for letting me see how much better life can be'.

Then block him so he can't reply. Will drive him mad.

Porcupineintherough · 05/03/2022 09:29

Why is this guy not blocked on everything you have? No good can come of you communicating with him at all. He might have ended it but you can walk away.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 05/03/2022 09:30

Oh god, he really does sound like a wanker! I would reply along the lines that you're shocked to hear he's been beating himself up over this, as you had moved on some time ago and are now very happy in your life and don't give him a second thought.

m0ch1 · 05/03/2022 09:33

Hideous individual.

Just reply with,”sorry, who is this?”

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 05/03/2022 09:33

It isn’t an apology. Merely a ruffle of his peacock feathers.

He isn’t important. He isn’t part of your life any more.

Delete, block and ignore.

He can frill his baw bag skin at others from now on.

TacoCats · 05/03/2022 09:34

I would reply: do you honestly think the world evolves around you? And block him on everything, he sounds like a waste of space.

Laptopsandmouses · 05/03/2022 09:39

Op, you said it was becoming abusive, he ended it, then you had a breakdown because of that, needed medical intervention and are now in therapy to deal with the fact the relationship ended. Could that be what he means? When he saw you and kissed you, how did you behave? Full of confidence and tell him to do one, or were passive even willing?

SummerHouse · 05/03/2022 09:39

What a piece of shit. Nothing you say to this man will affect him. He is a delusional, narcissistic arsehole. He has decided the 'truth' of what happened between you. Leave him to his pathetic fantasy. It's doubtful he will ever change and therefore he's probably incapable of a loving relationship. You, however, can find contentment. Flowers

tympanic · 05/03/2022 09:40

Ugh. I wasted a year on a “boy” who treated me like rubbish then seemed to want sympathy when I finally broke things off because he was depressed he always “destroyed” his girlfriends. Had the nerve to get teary about it. He sounds a bit like your ex, OP. A weak little man who would like to think he was more significant than he is. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

bellabasset · 05/03/2022 09:43

Block him for heavens sake. Please for your own peace of mind don't respond as he'll think you still care.

CaMePlaitPas · 05/03/2022 09:46

Don't respond at all. Print it, delete it and burn it.

SeigneurLapindeGrantham · 05/03/2022 09:46

@m0ch1

Hideous individual.

Just reply with,”sorry, who is this?”

Yes do this. Nasty little man.
Bettysnow · 05/03/2022 09:47

I would reply "Sorry but i think you've messaged the wrong person?" Add laughing emojis

GoogleWhacked · 05/03/2022 09:47

What a dickhead! Block and ignore.

Cherrysoup · 05/03/2022 09:48

Send him a message back saying he’s up his own arse if he thinks he ‘broke’ you and he’s fucking deluded. Lots of laughing emojis then block.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/03/2022 09:49

Send this:

😂 You didn’t ‘break’ me! You were just a really, really shit boyfriend. Drama over! Don’t contact me again.