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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry with this apology

234 replies

MariJx · 05/03/2022 09:21

A year ago my ex broke up with me. It wasn't a healthy relationship towards the end, borderline abusive. But he was the one to end it and cut all contact with me. I have only seen him once since when he approached me whilst I was out with friends, kissed me, told me he loved me & it was hard so hard to stay away from me, but that's what he needed to do as we couldn't be together. Otherwise I have not seen or heard from him at all.
I didn't cope well at all with the break up. I had a bit of a breakdown and had to see the dr. I am now having therapy.
So last night I received an email from him. It's supposed to be an apology I assume but it's filled me with rage. He talks about how I used to be confident in myself and 'unapologetically me' and he loved that about me. Then says he's sorry because he took all that away from me!! I feel like it reads like some kind of power trip.' 'You were a strong, independent woman and I had the power to ruin you and turn you into a complete mess' That's not a fucking apology is it??! He then says something about how he was trying to 'fix me' but I wasn't broken, so he broke me, then walked away because he couldn't stand to see what he had done to me! It's completely ridiculous bs!
Its really upset me and made me so mad. It's so completely bizarre and I have no idea why he sent it.
It's not an apology is it? He's not sorry. He's just trying to mess with my head, or make himself feel better that it's all OK because he said sorry.
Or aibu and just being overly sensitive... and he is actually trying to apologise..?

OP posts:
jackieh1987 · 05/03/2022 14:10

Delete and block, don't respond to this waste of skin at all...
The useless prick is just trying to get a reaction.
Ruin the ego trip by ignoring it...

Crikeyalmighty · 05/03/2022 14:21

The response is ‘go fuck yourself you self important twat’

CowboyJo · 05/03/2022 14:23

It is an apology and he could well be sorry.
But I'd still block him and move on, you're too good for him!

Phormiumjester · 05/03/2022 14:23

What a balloon! Has he been reading Marian Keyes books?

I agree, just delete it. Plonker.

You're worth more than that salad!

Lilifer · 05/03/2022 14:24

@m0ch1

Hideous individual.

Just reply with,”sorry, who is this?”

Yep perfect response 🙌🏻
MrsPetty · 05/03/2022 14:25

Throw that shit in the fire if you have one. What rubbish!

Tombero · 05/03/2022 14:29

He’s trying to hook you back in. Ignoring is the right decision, it will drive him mad. I wouldn’t even block him, it will show you were bothered. You need to present complete indifference.

Although I’d want to reply: That’s nice dear, hope you feel better soon.

Or: Hi ex, think you’ve sent this to the wrong person as it doesn’t sound like us. Sorry you’re having relationship problems again.

But silence is far more powerful.

Sswhinesthebest · 05/03/2022 14:45

@AtrociousCircumstance

Send this:

😂 You didn’t ‘break’ me! You were just a really, really shit boyfriend. Drama over! Don’t contact me again.

I actually really, really like this response.
1forAll74 · 05/03/2022 14:52

You said it was quite an unhealthy relationship before you split up, and probably because he is unable k be in a proper relationship, with all his mumbo jumbo talk about relationships. He is waffling now, and making you think about things, that you don't want to think about anymore.
Best to blank him off, and don't ever listen to his stupid theorising dross anymore.

JennyForeigner · 05/03/2022 14:53

I had one of these letters once, and the unmitigated arsehole had the temerity to look surprised when I told him to stuff it somewhere painful.

Twat.

Letterasaurus · 05/03/2022 15:03

'It's ancient history and I've moved on. Don't contact me again.'

Then block

Momijin · 05/03/2022 15:06

@AllOfUsAreDead

Oh but a proper reply could really bring this twat down on his knees...

Can say stuff to him like 'oh you didn't break me, you turned me into a more confident, powerful woman who has realised she doesn't need weak little men like you. I've got better men that I can talk to now and thank you for letting me see how much better life can be'.

Then block him so he can't reply. Will drive him mad.

This. What a jerk. Who the hell does he think he is
fortunenookie · 05/03/2022 15:07

@pictish
“ But you’re not still on the hook. You’re simply telling some deserving fuckface where to go before blocking him everywhere. Being rejected with no comeback isn’t a win.”

Being left to wonder is by far a bigger rejection since it denotes he is of such insignificance it doesn’t merit any kind of response

Letting an individual like him know what you think of him and that he is a cockwomble is the same as saying you’re still in love with him. What you are saying is utterly irrelevant to him it’s just any response he wants.

Sending anything is a mistake

Lampzade · 05/03/2022 15:11

@Tombero

He’s trying to hook you back in. Ignoring is the right decision, it will drive him mad. I wouldn’t even block him, it will show you were bothered. You need to present complete indifference.

Although I’d want to reply: That’s nice dear, hope you feel better soon.

Or: Hi ex, think you’ve sent this to the wrong person as it doesn’t sound like us. Sorry you’re having relationship problems again.

But silence is far more powerful.

Exactly She should ignore him but not block him. It really shows that you can’t be bothered
Ceci03 · 05/03/2022 15:14

Ah OP I'm so sorry you have to deal with this idiot. He's attention seeking 100%. I'm with the others - block delete ignore. Try to get it out of your head. I found one thing that helped - wear an elastic band on your wrist and every time you find yourself going over it in your head again, give it a ping. He is taking up space in your head, and he needs to GET OUT. You have to be strong, and not think about him any more. You know the truth. I've had this done to me also, and it gets in on you. Be strong, when he pops into your head, or you start thinking of all the replies you could give, tell him to FUCK OFF OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

Lobelia123 · 05/03/2022 15:17

I would reply, 'you're flattering yourself. Im over it and youre just somebody I used to date. Best of luck with everything.'

ChristmasTreeGorgeous · 05/03/2022 15:25

Weirdo. Send finger emoji then delete.

Dontbeamugallyourlifesucker · 05/03/2022 15:26

Tell him you accept his apology.. Shit happens, but you are so so thankful as you have met the man of your dreams and am so happy and living the best life you ever imagined. Admit you made a mistake thinking you loved him. Now you have met your dream man who is brilliant in bed and all you ever could want in a man... You forgive him for being a tool! Grin

heyitsthistle · 05/03/2022 15:43

u wot m8

Or "cool story bro"

FlasherMcGruff · 05/03/2022 15:50

Agree that the best response is ignore and block, or strong response and block. Something like, ‘There’s really no need for you to explain any of this. I understand exactly why you did it. You haven’t ‘ruined me’ and turned me into a mess. You simply taught me that I need to raise my standards and not lower them to someone like you. Please don’t give any of this another minute’s thought - I’m certainly not - and don’t contact me again as I’m in a very happy place and have no interest in mulling any if it over. Suggest you move forward too. All the best!’

That will fuck beautifully with his head. He deserves it. Then block,

unname · 05/03/2022 15:50

I got one like this once -
“I will always think of you as someone I have wronged”

He was was reducing me to nothing but the impact he had. I will always think of him as a complete narcissist. It took strength, but I did not reply.

Just ignore him. He’s a very messed up person and nothing good will come of engaging.

turnaroundtime · 05/03/2022 16:04

'I'm really sorry to see that you are struggling. You would be better served by just letting go and moving on. One day you will see that breaking up really was the best thing for both of us and when you realise this, you will find the happiness you seek. To avoid you tormenting yourself and struggling with contacting me, I'm making the kind decision to block you. It really is better for you in the long run. One day you will grow to understand this. Keep well and soldier on.'

Then block Grin

LostMyLastHatfulOfWords · 05/03/2022 16:09

Don't accept his message and its re-writing of your life.

You are not a shadowy-wronged-woman-in-the-attic (the sort so loved in old novels).

In reading your post I can see that he didn't break you OP. You didn't allow him to.

You are not a thing he has broken.

The break-down itself was yours - and part of your dealing with his shit in the shortest way possible.

Since that unlucky relationship you have been getting therapy - getting on with your life - getting to remember the good parts of that bad experience.

You are simply a more experienced woman than you were before you met him - one with higher standards and greater knowledge of her own strength.

Don't let him take the credit for that.

PurpleTrilby · 05/03/2022 19:12

He's an absolute cunt who is trying to get back into your head. Don't respond, block him everwhere and maybe even think about a restraining order if he contacts you any more.

2bazookas · 05/03/2022 19:35

Sounds like he might be on the AA 12steps program

which requires him to recognise his faults and apologise to people he hurt.

You don't need to respond. Just delete, block, and get on with your life without him.

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