To be so angry with this apology

[MariJx]

A year ago my ex broke up with me. It wasn't a healthy relationship towards the end, borderline abusive. But he was the one to end it and cut all contact with me. I have only seen him once since when he approached me whilst I was out with friends, kissed me, told me he loved me & it was hard so hard to stay away from me, but that's what he needed to do as we couldn't be together. Otherwise I have not seen or heard from him at all.
I didn't cope well at all with the break up. I had a bit of a breakdown and had to see the dr. I am now having therapy.
So last night I received an email from him. It's supposed to be an apology I assume but it's filled me with rage. He talks about how I used to be confident in myself and 'unapologetically me' and he loved that about me. Then says he's sorry because he took all that away from me!! I feel like it reads like some kind of power trip.' 'You were a strong, independent woman and I had the power to ruin you and turn you into a complete mess' That's not a fucking apology is it??! He then says something about how he was trying to 'fix me' but I wasn't broken, so he broke me, then walked away because he couldn't stand to see what he had done to me! It's completely ridiculous bs!
Its really upset me and made me so mad. It's so completely bizarre and I have no idea why he sent it.
It's not an apology is it? He's not sorry. He's just trying to mess with my head, or make himself feel better that it's all OK because he said sorry.
Or aibu and just being overly sensitive... and he is actually trying to apologise..?

Delete and block - he’s a twat and nothing more.

In ten years time when you’re with a lovely man you can look back at think ‘thank fuck I didn’t waste any more time on that poor excuse for a human being with a personality defect’.

Just reply ‘who dis?’

Not really. Just block the cunt.

"Fuck off". Then block on everything.

I had one a bit like this - told me he hoped I wouldn't lose the strong, funny confident woman I'd become during our (one year) relationship.

I was like, "bitch, I always was a strong funny confident woman, you just didn't know because we didn't know each other before we were together"

I think it's a power / control thing, like even though you're not together he still has some kind of control to dictate who/how you are.

It's also a good sign he is a total tool and you're so much better without him!

“Wtf? Take your self-absorbed navel gazing somewhere else thanks. Blocked.”

Then block. What a knob.

Not replying is the very best reply because it suggests that you don’t care enough to even be bothered to read it or reply. Anything else just gives him the validation and attention he wants. He wants to keep you on a hook - reeling you in every now and again when he’s bored or needs his ego stroked so break that cycle. I wouldn’t even block. It just delete the message and mute him.

I'd reply 'really don't miss your self pitying, self indulgent twaterry. Thankyou so much for ending things with me and let's take this as our final exchange'

I would like to think I'd have the strength not to reply, but if you can't resist then I'd probably go for something dismissive like 'That's a very dramatic way to describe your twattish behaviour. If you must indulge yourself in this kind of teenage analysis, keep it to yourself next time.'

‘😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂’

Then block, delete, ignore forevermore.

My natural inclination is to say ‘fuck off’, but he wants a rise out of you to see that he can control you. Laughing at him is probably the most effective thing you can do.

@Arabellla

What a cunt. Respond back: Who dis?

😂😂😂 perfect response

What a ridiculous message. The best thing to do is block and ignore but I'd probably be tempted to reply something like "You didn't break me and I'm much happier without you. Please don't contact me again."

Yeah, tempting as it would be to respond with something cutting, I think on balance that just not responding is the strongest move.

You're right, it's not an apology at all, it's him playing out a dramatic scene in his own tiny mind that feeds into some image he'd like to have of himself (all-powerful, tortured, romantic anti-hero by the sounds of it. Vomit.) It's boring and utterly self-involved.

An genuine, heartfelt apology wouldn't be all flowery musings on his own mighty destructive power and your pitiable situation (according to him).

If he felt the need to apologise all this time later it would be something simple and direct along the lines of, "I'm so sorry I was such a twat and treated you so badly."

Ignore. If you have mutual friends and it ends up getting back to him second- or third-hand that you found his note hilarious and ridiculous, well so be it...

DysmalRadius has an excellent response, though

I like the idea of a “sorry who is this” reply, but don’t do it, it just opens the door to communication. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

If you keep looking back you will never move forward. Just delete, forget and move on!

Or be stuck!!!

Just email back "LOL! OK!""

@AtrociousCircumstance

Send this:

😂 You didn’t ‘break’ me! You were just a really, really shit boyfriend. Drama over! Don’t contact me again.

Send this one

Well he’s a nasty piece of work isn’t he? His worry is that you might get over him and he really can’t have that! His best bet is to try and destabilise you now and keep you on the hook. He can then get off on the idea you’re crying into your pillow because the idea that you may have got over him is very unattractive to him. How can anyone move on from him when he’s so very special?

The best thing you can do (and the most disappointing for him) is to ignore and block him or, if you must respond, a single laughing emoji should cover it (then block). Engage further than that and you’ve given him what he wants. I don’t blame you for having a reaction to that email but you know you’ve swerved a bullet and that email should confirm it.

I would reply

WTF are you on about. You sound delusional

Then block him.

He's taking up space in your head with this shit. I'm sure you need that space for better things so I agree with 'block & move on'.

Don’t respond. Delete the email, block him on all avenues and try to forget him entirely. If he ever approaches you in public again, tell him to fuck off and walk away. He’s a wank stain.

I think he has sent it because he has heard from somewhere about the hard time you have had since the break up, but that now you are putting your life back on track, that you are taking responsibility for your own happiness and well-being, that you have realised that you have come through the worst of that relationship and are moving on with your life.

Question: What sort of a person would deliberately try to mess up another persons life by trying to undo all their progress?

Answer :a spiteful manipulative,egotistical, narcissistic loser.

Ignore him, be thankful he is showing his true colours so blatantly and that you don’t have to deal with his fucked up idea of “whatever love is” anymore . Have you got a good friend you can show the messages to so you can both laugh at his inept attempt to mansplain you.

Don’t engage and don’t give him any more of your precious time. Block and be glad he is no longer in your life. There’s better men out there.

@AtrociousCircumstance

Send this:

😂 You didn’t ‘break’ me! You were just a really, really shit boyfriend. Drama over! Don’t contact me again.

I think this is great. Or: "cool story, bro"

Thank you all. You've cheered me up and reassured me I'm not the one being unreasonable about this 'apology'.
Love some of your 'replies' but yes, probably best ignored.