To be so angry with this apology

[MariJx]

A year ago my ex broke up with me. It wasn't a healthy relationship towards the end, borderline abusive. But he was the one to end it and cut all contact with me. I have only seen him once since when he approached me whilst I was out with friends, kissed me, told me he loved me & it was hard so hard to stay away from me, but that's what he needed to do as we couldn't be together. Otherwise I have not seen or heard from him at all.
I didn't cope well at all with the break up. I had a bit of a breakdown and had to see the dr. I am now having therapy.
So last night I received an email from him. It's supposed to be an apology I assume but it's filled me with rage. He talks about how I used to be confident in myself and 'unapologetically me' and he loved that about me. Then says he's sorry because he took all that away from me!! I feel like it reads like some kind of power trip.' 'You were a strong, independent woman and I had the power to ruin you and turn you into a complete mess' That's not a fucking apology is it??! He then says something about how he was trying to 'fix me' but I wasn't broken, so he broke me, then walked away because he couldn't stand to see what he had done to me! It's completely ridiculous bs!
Its really upset me and made me so mad. It's so completely bizarre and I have no idea why he sent it.
It's not an apology is it? He's not sorry. He's just trying to mess with my head, or make himself feel better that it's all OK because he said sorry.
Or aibu and just being overly sensitive... and he is actually trying to apologise..?

I’d always advise block block block, but on this occasion I’d go with either ‘Who Dis?’ or ‘You're a prize knob jockey’ then block.

Bet you’re annoyed you spent to much effort on this buffoon now aren’t you

He just wants to know you are still fixated on him.

It's a narcissistic 'hook' designed to draw you in. My exh veered between emails saying how brilliant I was as a mum etc to emails saying how evil and useless I was. They all came from the same place in his brain. For your sanity go no contact and recognise this email is not about you but about him.

I know you've already decided to ignore but please do! It's the ultimate power of the blank just to totally not engage with it.

Write back -''How dare you?! You stupid conceited idiot! Do NOT contact me again!...''

I would write back "what a load of self indulgent shite" and block.

Maybe stick a laughing face at the end.

Do not respond he wants that. Just block and move on. Keep a record. Or as PP. respond with ‘ I do not want any contact. Do not contact me via any medium’ and then block. Take a screen shot/record for harassment purposes

With regard to what he’s said what a fuck wit. He’s deluded. Where do people like this come from?!

We used to have these ads in America in the 80's (our phone company AT&T) and the jingle was 'reach out, reach out and touch someone. Reach out, call up and just say hi'.
I don't know why but this song immediately came into my head but with words more along the lines of 'reach out, reach out and abuse someone. Reach out, email just to remind her that you're still a bastard dick!"
Welp! He's been successful in carrying out that gentle reminder that you dodged a major bullet.
I'd literally drink to that. I don't drink (boring, I know). But I'd go up to my favourite caf and get my favourite luxury hot chocolate to celebrate. Fuck it! Go big! Buy yourself a Birkin bag to celebrate this assclown being gone for good.

Christ, he's not a cop or ex-cop is he?

I had something scarily similar when I was in my 20's. He psycho-analysed me after he dumped me. Over the phone rather than in an email.

Looking back it was my luckiest escape.

Do you think he has had therapy too and that’s the conclusion he got out of it?

It sounds like he has sent it to make himself feel better rather then you

I hope it doesn’t set you back, well done for getting out of the relationship and keep looking forward, no need to reply - he’s trying to hook you in - think of him like a maggot

I'd be tempted to reply with:

"Feel better now? Good. Now fuck off".

Don’t reply, if you do you’re playing into his overinflated ego power game.
He want you to get into a dialogue with him.
Block and ignore…and be thankful you escaped.

I agree that not responding is probably the best way forward but he may keep pestering so;
1st email - ignore
2nd email - You are not part of my life anymore stop contacting me
3rd email - Any further emails will be archived without been read to build up the harassment charges I intend to bring against you
All other emails ignore.

The petty person in me would also use his email address to apply for as may how to make your dick bigger ads as I could find

Press reply and say -
I think you have sent this to the wrong person! Just that, nothing else.

Just reply 'LOL'

@WhatAHexIGotInto

I had something very similar from my ex. I did reply.

I said 'no idea what you're on about, please don't contact me again, I hope you are able to move on'. That made him mad so he sent another message. I blocked him on everything so he sent me a letter. I returned it 'not living at this address'. A mutual friend said it drove him absolutely nuts because he just wanted to get to me and I didn't let him. 🤣

This is brilliant! Or ignoring. As others have said, he’s not happy that you have or may have got over him so is trying to break you down again.

He sounds likea twat who is trying to play a weird power trip game with you.
Block on everything and live your life. You are worth so much more than this.

Block, block, block on all medias.

@MariJx

Thank you all. You've cheered me up and reassured me I'm not the one being unreasonable about this 'apology'. Love some of your 'replies' but yes, probably best ignored.

Absolutely. Ignoring is the best way.

As I've seen on here no response is a response. He will be so dumbfounded as to why you didn't reply to his "meaningful" message. He's shockingly self-absorbed. You are well rid!

Op if you want to tell him to fuck off, sending a burning character analysis that strips him to the core or 'who dis?' (my personal fav!) do it, nothing wrong with finding your voice and defining your barriers. But then, do block and walk away, with a wry grin and a new skip in your step.

No response is definitely the best response.

The problem with the suggestions of "who's this?" is:
a) invites further communication
b) it was sent via email so she knows who it's from. She obviously hasn't completely forgotten his existence, so he'd see through it as an attempt to mess with him, which then reads as her caring.

Any response would communicate that she cares, even if the words are stating otherwise. He's probably eagerly awaiting her response, so let him squirm, let him keep checking his emails desperate to see a reply he'll never get.

Reply 🤣🤣🤣. Then block.

BTW well done on getting away from that total bell end

Tel him not interested and block him. Sounds like a real attention seeker