Page 11 | To ask WWYD - if your partner came out as bisexual

NotSureWhatToDoHelp · 2022-03-04T12:08:09+00:00

Name change for obvious reasons I just want to know what you would do if.. - you are male - You had been in a (straight) relationship since you were 17 - you are now 25 and have a home and pets with your girlfriend, and are getting married this year - your girlfriend told you she loved you and you're her soul mate and wants to be with you and continue in the relationship, but thinks she is bisexual?? Basically doesn't want to end the relationship is super happy and everything but just feels like in the last couple of years have realised they are bisexual - and feels like they have to at least tell their future husband or it's like hiding a part of you??? (Yes suprise suprise I am the girlfriend) I don't know whether to tell my partner or not basically because it won't actually change anything? I just feel like I'm hiding something but like am I ??? Is it ok to not say anything?? My boyfriend is absolutely not homophobic in any way , we aren't religious or anything etc Thoughts please

nopenotplaying · 04/03/2022 20:26

How do you know you are bisexual without having had feelings for a woman, when you are with him? I'm confused 😐 he may be too

ThatsBullshirt · 04/03/2022 20:32

@nopenotplaying

How do you know you are bisexual without having had feelings for a woman, when you are with him? I'm confused 😐 he may be too

How can anyone know they are straight before they ever have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex?

You can be bisexual without ever having a relationship with someone of the same (or opposite) gender.

sessell · 04/03/2022 20:37

@RunningFromInsanity

I can appreciate a beautiful woman and find them attractive. Doesn’t make me bisexual. Something more has happened to make you decide now you are bisexual.

This. I am pretty sure this applies to every woman, at least me and all my friends. Is this now the definition of bi-sexual? How would you really know unless you had a relationship with a woman and if you feel the need to label yourself I'd imagine you'd find yourself compelled to earn it at some stage.

kateluvscats · 04/03/2022 20:46

@Hotcuppatea

I would assume that you were thinking of sleeping with someone else. Otherwise why bother telling me now?

I agree

Original poster

NotSureWhatToDoHelp · 04/03/2022 20:47

Would you have sex with a woman though @sessell ?? Would you go down on them??? Would you let them go down on you???

OP posts:

sessell · 04/03/2022 20:52

@Strictlyfanoftenyears

Ok, who on here would be upset if they (female) were having sex with a man and then found out that he was having sex with men too? (I realise that we are going slightly off topic here though)

I agree. I'd feel sick because I would feel I didn't know him any more. Mutual sexual attraction based on our sex is an important part of the relationship. I like the m/f part of it, a lot. It would be discombobulating to know he was also t/o by men. Different buttons pushed. Being honest here.

GettingItOutThere · 04/03/2022 20:55

i would not be happy.

what do you hope to achieve by telling him?

how would you feel if he said he suddenly also fancies men?

I have no issue with gay/straight/bi feelings, but I would not date someone who was bisexual.

so you either need to keep it to yourself, or accept he may well end it (As i would!)

sessell · 04/03/2022 20:59

@NotSureWhatToDoHelp

Would you have sex with a woman though *@sessell* ?? Would you go down on them??? Would you let them go down on you???

I'm a romantic so would want a relationship first and just wouldn't know until it was the right person and it evolved. But OP I think you're answering your own questions here. It doesn't sound like something you'd be content to never explore.

BoodleBug51 · 04/03/2022 21:06

I'm very old school and think that if you're marrying someone, you share all of you - the good bits, the bad and the bits that are really hard to verbalise- so that your future spouse gets a blueprint of who you are.

Marriage is about mutual trust and respect, so yes you should tell your partner before making this commitment. They then have the choice to do what they want to with the knowledge. I don't think it would change anything for me, other than maybe wanting some reassurance that it's not a part of you that you're repressing?

slashlover · 04/03/2022 21:56

This. I am pretty sure this applies to every woman, at least me and all my friends. Is this now the definition of bi-sexual? How would you really know unless you had a relationship with a woman and if you feel the need to label yourself I'd imagine you'd find yourself compelled to earn it at some stage.

Sexuality is not about who you have a relationship with, it's about who you're attracted to. If someone posted on here that they were heterosexual but had never had a relationship, would you tell them that they couldn't really know they were heterosexual?

If you are attracted to both men and women then you are, by definition, bisexual. You may not choose to call yourself that and that's fine.

Fairislefandango · 04/03/2022 21:59

How do you know you are bisexual without having had feelings for a woman, when you are with him?

That's a ridiculous question! Would you ask someone how they know they are straight?You don't need to have had proper feelings for a particular person in order to know whether you're attracted to a particular sex. It's pretty normal for kids still in primary school to know already.

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 04/03/2022 22:00

I do believe that it is different re males and females though. As I tried to say before (probably rather unclear). If I was attracted to a man to start with and then found out that he was gay (or bi), the thought of him having his penis inside me when it has been up a guys bottom, yes sorry then I would be grossed out and woudnt fancy him. Does that make me a bad person? (sorry for tmi!)

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 04/03/2022 22:05

@Strictlyfanoftenyears

I do believe that it is different re males and females though. As I tried to say before (probably rather unclear). If I was attracted to a man to start with and then found out that he was gay (or bi), the thought of him having his penis inside me when it has been up a guys bottom, yes sorry then I would be grossed out and woudnt fancy him. Does that make me a bad person? (sorry for tmi!)

Yes it does. It makes you homophobic. And there are plenty of ways for men to have sex that doesn't include that.

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 04/03/2022 22:14

Really Jules? So no penetrative sex for me then.......

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 04/03/2022 22:15

Does that mean I have to ask my partner what way he has sex with men before I have sex with him?

ChocolateIsAlwaysTheAnswer · 04/03/2022 22:18

The happiest relationship I know of is one where the guy has cheated twice on his ex's and is bi-sexual.
Not saying the two are linked so don't jump on me. Just saying that if it's real love, things like this don't matter.

Clymene · 04/03/2022 22:22

@NotSureWhatToDoHelp

Would you have sex with a woman though *@sessell* ?? Would you go down on them??? Would you let them go down on you???

But you haven't and you won't if you're going to marry your boyfriend.

So this is all a fantasy

Original poster

NotSureWhatToDoHelp · 04/03/2022 22:26

@Strictlyfanoftenyears

I do believe that it is different re males and females though. As I tried to say before (probably rather unclear). If I was attracted to a man to start with and then found out that he was gay (or bi), the thought of him having his penis inside me when it has been up a guys bottom, yes sorry then I would be grossed out and woudnt fancy him. Does that make me a bad person? (sorry for tmi!)

Would you be grossed out if his penis had been up a woman's bottom?

OP posts:

BadNomad · 04/03/2022 22:37

Always clean your penis after being up any bottom.

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 04/03/2022 22:43

"Notsurewhat"

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 04/03/2022 22:44

I think this thread should go in "Classics"

Willyoujustbequiet · 05/03/2022 02:03

@wingscrow

I explained earlier but it's not about the sexuality its about the lack of honesty and lack of respect for my right to informed consent before marriage

I absolutely have the right to that boundary. Someone else's sexuality does not diminish my right to choose who I want to be intimate with. To try and prevent this is coercion.

whiteroseredrose · 05/03/2022 07:27

I agree with Strictlyfanoftenyears .

'Would you be grossed out if his penis had been up a woman's bottom?'

Yes. Anal sex is a complete no no for me. Fortunately for DH too.

LadyFlumpalot · 05/03/2022 11:52

@whiteroseredrose

I agree with Strictlyfanoftenyears .

'Would you be grossed out if his penis had been up a woman's bottom?'

Yes. Anal sex is a complete no no for me. Fortunately for DH too.

You know showers are a thing right? If your DH hasn't washed since exploring the back path with a previous partner then yes, be concerned. That's the only reason I can think of to be squicked out by what your husband may have done with someone who isn't you.

Honestly, what a partner does in a previous or future relationship has no relevance to my relationship. As long as everybody is safe, sane and consensual that is.

scarpa · 05/03/2022 13:13

@whiteroseredrose

I agree with Strictlyfanoftenyears .

'Would you be grossed out if his penis had been up a woman's bottom?'

Yes. Anal sex is a complete no no for me. Fortunately for DH too.

So would you never date a man who'd had anal sex with a female ex?