To not understand what's wrong with the word "No"?

[MoltenLasagne]

Last week I was mum-shamed at a baby class for using the word "no". Basically my baby went to snatch off another child and I said "no" and distracted him with something else. Another mother in the group then said she didn't believe in using the word no and looked at me like I'd just handed my baby a tin of coke and a bag of chips.

Sadly my only response to that was "oh" and I've been brewing on it ever since. I can't decide if I'm pissed off or bemused, but mostly I don't understand what on earth is wrong with the word "no" and I'm clearly massively behind on some parenting insights.

Anyway I'm going back to the class tomorrow and this woman is blatantly going to be there so I'd like to understand exactly what I'm missing!
Is there something wrong with the word no?
YABU - I don't use the word no with my kids because (and please explain!)
YANBU - this woman is inventing stuff, it's a totally normal word and you don't need to feel like a dreadful mother.

What does she think her child is going to do when a future girlfriend or classmate says no?

When parenting a toddler you can end up in ruts where you say no too often but this is not the case here. They need short clear instructions like "no grabbing " instead of a wishy washy gentle answer that they will tune out of.

Oh gosh my SIL is one of those. I heard her telling her DH that "you shouldn't say no!" fortunately for the DH, nephew was too young to cotton on to daddy being undermined....
I don't think I'd get anywhere without a firm "no!" My two test the boundaries

Nothing wrong with saying no

I'd walk in tomorrow singing No Limit but I'm a prick.

If she says it again say 'perhaps you should'.

It’s all a load of bollocks,children need to learn how to behave! YANBU !

Natural consequences can be pretty unpleasant for a child and it's not good parenting to allow things to reach their final conclusion unless it's something fairly harmless.
Natural consequences for badly behaved children are that no one wants to play with them, they get into trouble at school etc. Far kinder to reach them some boundaries as a toddler, before they have to experience being a social pariah when they are a bit older

Welcome to the insane world of opinionated parenting.
I currently take my son to a sports class where one child runs around (when they’re not meant to be), eats snacks (distracting all the other kids who obvs want snacks) and generally causes chaos. Mum sits on the side watching with a proud smile on ger face. She told me she practiced gentle parenting.
I agree that the overuse of ‘no’ can render it useless. I agree that it’s helpful to explain:
But bloody hell, children need to hear ‘no’ sometimes and know you mean it.

Dear God. I'm an infant school teacher and the number of children who do not respond to 'no', however gently spoken, is shocking. A large group of parents openly admit that the child does what they like at home.

Tell her to fuck off.

Funnily enough I was wondering this at work today ... We've just started using a new software system with incredibly smiley "onboarding" barf staff

I said "I see I can change things like the colour and pictures but would your developers be open to changing the icons and fonts for me?"

She said, "Hi thanks so much for the question, here are the customisation options we have" - screenshot of things I'd just mentioned-

I said, "yes I know, but can the developers change the fonts and icons or not"

And she said, "Changing the colours and picture are the options we currently have"

Wtf?? Just say no!

She sounds like an idiot.

I would ask her what she says instead of her kids about to do something which could harm them?

No is one of the best words they can learn.
It’s a quick, simple and clear word that can be easily understood regardless of the situation or chikd.

Gentle parenting? What is the world coming to

She's gonna have a right spoilt little monkey in her hands she could eat her words.

It’s funny how gentle parenting is meant to establish respect but she couldn’t respect another parents parenting choices and felt entitled enough to be rude to you.

Gentle parenting is pretty toxic from what I can see on Instagram tbh.

@SnackSizeRaisin

Natural consequences can be pretty unpleasant for a child and it's not good parenting to allow things to reach their final conclusion unless it's something fairly harmless. Natural consequences for badly behaved children are that no one wants to play with them, they get into trouble at school etc. Far kinder to reach them some boundaries as a toddler, before they have to experience being a social pariah when they are a bit older

This is a very good point. I've also seen some poor excuses for natural consequences where the child wouldn't learn a thing because it's not actually a consequence!

Wtf?? Just say no!

I have had very similar situations as the PP.
Maybe it is a thing then!

I can’t imagine how someone with SEND or English as an additional language would cope with all the faff.

Honestly I don't think I would be able to stop the words, 'don't be so bloody stupid', from falling out of my mouth, or 'well we do in our house!'.

Or......oh dear he's going to get in trouble when he hits puberty and starts meeting girls then. It's quite a big thing these days understanding the word no.

I mean, I'd say that if I was actually quick witted in the moment! I'm not....haha

@Theresamagicalplace

It's "gentle parenting", talking about big feelings and natural consequences rather than punishment for bad behaviour etc. No is practically the c word! YANBU in any way, each person has their own parenting style and none of them are the right way. My little ones first word was "noooo" though so I may not be the right person to give an answer

It’s not. Gentle parenting doesn’t ban the word no. Banning the word no is permissive parenting.

@MoltenLasagne, to avoid this in future, practise gently playing the pan pipes whilst beating on a vegan drum (woven from lentils, naturally. Or otherwise practise saying fuck no under your breath without your lips moving

@MoltenLasagne

OK off to Google gentle parenting.

Fwiw I think I'd describe myself as a very nice parent but my kid is not yet 1 so he pretty much only understands no, food, cat, car.

Don't bother.

Say yes as much/often as you can (more applicable once they're speaking!!), but mean it when you say no... and you can't go too far wrong.

Not saying 'No' to children has been 'a thing' for a while. It's not difficult to see the consequences of the little darlings never hearing 'no'.

Once their child is older, the best reply to that is 'ah that explains a lot'

Oh isn't she going to have the life from hell in a few short years.

@Susu49

I hope her child grows up to understand consent

That’s exactly what my reply to her would be if she raises it again.

I must say the word 'no' more than 50 million times a day in my house.

Bad parent alert 🤦🏻‍♀️

Work colleague never used the word NO to her son, he’s currently in year 4 - attendee a special school setting, which starts at 9 and parents are required to collect them for lunch 12/1 and return them to the school for the afternoon. She’s run ragged and may have to quit work.

Wonder who’s suffering the consequences for this?