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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

998 replies

Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:28

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 03/03/2022 17:30

I don't think you should have to take DS out necessarily but I would be pretty annoyed if I was your DH. I have a toddler and I do my utmost to keep him away from DH's study while DH is working (and vice versa if needed - I also work too although not FT) because it's not really fair on him.

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:31

OK so genuinely what do you suggest I do?

OP posts:
ChiselandBits · 03/03/2022 17:32

well no, you shouldn't take him out but equally the toddler should be getting used to the idea that the office door is closed and daddy is at work. Your DH can't complain about noise drifting up the stairs but I don't think its unreasonable to expect you to keep the toddler downstairs. On the other hand, if he is trying to work at the kitchen table then he is BU and needs to find a separate workspace.

Nidan2Sandan · 03/03/2022 17:32

Can the toddler not be in a different room to DH?

DH is working, he cant keep being interrupted. He has a job to do. Equally, he cant insist you take the child out.

Therefore, he needs to work in a different room to where the toddler is

WheelieBinPrincess · 03/03/2022 17:33

How old is the toddler?

I mean, unless you all have to be in an open plan space, I do think you might need to manage this better.

DetailMouse · 03/03/2022 17:33

What do you mean "trying to get to DH"?

What would you do to keep him away from anything else he can't have?

ChiselandBits · 03/03/2022 17:34

Genuinely,. I suggest to say "no" very firmly and get toddler involved in an activity or CBBC and a snack for a bit, then in the kitchen with you while you cook dinner. Have conversations about it on the way home - remember we are staying downstairs, Daddy is at work. Pretend the door is magic and until 5pm its sealed, then its a gateway from daddy's office to home. or some other nonsense.

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:34

Of course I don’t have DS in the same room as DH, but there is no way I can totally avoid him either. The room is a through-route to the kitchen so it’s basically saying I can’t go in the kitchen between 430-6 and DH can’t use the bathroom. It’s pretty stressful.

OP posts:
MrsWinters · 03/03/2022 17:34

Depends how big your house is, but he should either be able to work undisturbed, you need to take the toddler out or he needs to go back to the office.
I guess he doesn’t want to go back to the office, you don’t want to take toddler out, so then you need to entertain sprog for an hour and a half.

tigger1001 · 03/03/2022 17:34

Does dh have a separate space to work in?

Ionlydomassiveones · 03/03/2022 17:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Mumofsend · 03/03/2022 17:35

I would suggest he works elsewhere in the house for that last 90 minutes where the door can be closed

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:35

I have been ‘entertaining sprog’ but doing so while someone is booming away in the next room and said sprog is desperately trying to get to him is easier said than done!

OP posts:
Kdubs1981 · 03/03/2022 17:35

Your house is first and foremost a home, not a place of work. He needs to find a solution, not you

FoxyFoxyLoxy · 03/03/2022 17:35

No, you don't have to take him out everyday but you do have to keep him quiet and keep him out of the way.

Interruptions like this are avoidable and hugely unprofessional. Or put your child in nursery for longer.

AFS1 · 03/03/2022 17:36

Where does your DH work in the home? If he’s got a private area then YABU. Your toddler shouldn’t be disturbing him and you should try and keep him in a separate part of the house. I don’t agree you should have to take toddler out every day, though. If DH works in a communal part of the house then he is being unreasonable.

I’m work from home but up in the loft. Our kids are older, but kids and DP know that if the door is closed, I’m working and they need to stay out.

reluctantbrit · 03/03/2022 17:36

Where does your DH works? If he can close a door than you can tell a toddler that daddy can't be disturbed. It won't happen overnight but it can be done.

DH works from home permanently and it was always possible to sort out DD without having her to go to him all the time.

If he works in a shared room (living room/dining room) then he needs to accept that a child is there and that means he will be disturbed. Lots of people manage, my line manager has his toddler at home 2 out of 5 days full time and otherwise from 3.30 pm onwards and it works depsite him working at the dining table for 2 years now.

Schoolchoicesucks · 03/03/2022 17:36

Can DH work from the office? Or a bedroom for that hour and a half?

You need to be able to get to the kitchen between 4.30 and 6. Tell DH to go to the toilet before 4.30 and then hold it!

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:37

@Mumofsend

I would suggest he works elsewhere in the house for that last 90 minutes where the door can be closed
In theory yes but in practice you can hear everyone everywhere - I was actually on the other side of this last week and DS kept trying to come into me even though I was in the bedroom, but of all the solutions insisting my husband and child walk around in the dark and wet for an hour wasn’t one of them!
OP posts:
LemonViolet · 03/03/2022 17:37

Sounds like it’s not really the ideal location for a WFH space when there are other people home.

Could DH create a secondary space somewhere else - bedroom etc? - for the end of the day? Might not be great for all day when you’re out he could use the downstairs space but just for the last part of the day when you’re home

DPotter · 03/03/2022 17:38

I think the shine of working from home has well and truly rubbed off for many many families.

Many homes don't have the layout for WFH - not enough separate space, poor sound insulation etc etc. Accompanied by a complete lack of understanding of how family life with children jogs along.

My suggestion - buy him head phones and tell him to suck it up. He's lucky your toddler is in nursery all day until 4.30. If he hasn't got a separate area to work in with a closable door - he finds somewhere else to work - library, car, those communal office spaces springing up all over the place as many homes aren't appropriate for WFH in the long term, or heaven forbidden - go back to the office.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 03/03/2022 17:38

Is dh in a separate office room with the door shut?

OutlookStalking · 03/03/2022 17:39

Can he not work in a bedroom and blur background for those couple of hours?

Its reasonable for him to expect to work in your living area.

Or send him to costa.

Phormiumjester · 03/03/2022 17:39

I can see it's a pain but yeah, you can't have everything you want, even as a toddler.
Distract, stay firm or go out. Or find DH a quiet space upstairs for the end of his day.

giggly · 03/03/2022 17:39

I don’t have a home office so use the dining table until my dc return from school. I then decamp to my bedroom for the last 90 minutes which suits everyone.