To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

[Positivelyperfect]

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

I pretend DH is out. Admittedly easier as have an outside office.

Get a lock and say he’s gone out? Might need to practice when he’s not actually working.

How about a long play bath to disttact him? This works well in my house when do really wants daddy but he's in a long meeting etc.

while someone is booming away in the next room
So DH is one of those that can't have a phone conversation at normal volume, but thinks he has to shout because the person he is speaking to is in another room?

Would your toddler be able to hear your DH if he worked in a bedroom and used headphones? Can you get a home office in the garden? I don’t think you’re being U but whilst your toddler is too young to understand I think your DH and you need to reach a compromise. How about you agree to take toddler out for 2 afternoons, DH sorts dinner whilst you are out (yes even if that means using his lunch hour to prep in advance) as you can’t be expected to arrive home at 6pm and then start food, and then DH works outside the house the other days (library/ office/ parents).

@AuntyBumBum

So really I should add an unpaid hour onto my work time, DS should do an extra hour in nursery so DH should have the right to work in undisturbed silence in a family home? That’s nuts!

This, and some of the replies, seem to be based on the notion that darling husband is being entirely unreasonable working, that it's some pointless annoying past time of his, and he should buck his ideas up and help you with child care. I'm guessing that the money he earns from this job goes into family coffers to help support you all, including darling son? In which case I think you need to acknowledge that what he's doing is an important family activity, not some sort of distraction from it.

This is such bullshit. OP works too - and the home is primarily a home. A tired mum, a tired child, in their home in the evening shouldn’t have to wander around in the dark for 1.5 hours in winter. He should go into the bedroom for the last hour.

It's a family home, first and foremost. I wouldn't be trying to silence a toddler or keep him confined to another room because it's his home too. Can your DH start work an hour earlier and finish to coincide with everybody coming home? If not, it's earphones and working upstairs.

@Suzi888

I pretend DH is out. Admittedly easier as have an outside office.

Get a lock and say he’s gone out? Might need to practice when he’s not actually working.

The DH sounds as if he is working in a room which is a through route to the kitchen so if he locks himself in (which may not even be possible) nobody can access the kitchen.

OP you said Costa isn't an option, can he not go back to the office? Or work in a bedroom?

@Heronwatcher

Would your toddler be able to hear your DH if he worked in a bedroom and used headphones? Can you get a home office in the garden? I don’t think you’re being U but whilst your toddler is too young to understand I think your DH and you need to reach a compromise. How about you agree to take toddler out for 2 afternoons, DH sorts dinner whilst you are out (yes even if that means using his lunch hour to prep in advance) as you can’t be expected to arrive home at 6pm and then start food, and then DH works outside the house the other days (library/ office/ parents).

They don't have a garden.

@Crimesean

Just keep him away from the door! You can't allow him to bang on the door and shout through it, that's crazy. You just have to keep him with you and keep your eye on him.

Of course he is with me but how do you keep a toddler away from a door, other than holding onto him for an hour and a half or having him restricted in a cot or similar? I suppose we could get a playpen but that seems really unpleasant for DS and plus it doesn’t ‘solve’ the endless crying and upset I have to deal with.

He needs to work in the bedroom from 4.30. Or come up with another solution
Could he work compressed hours one day a week and you take the toddler out on that day then dh has a break until toddler goes to bed then back to work?

Is he using a headset if he's on meetings? Worth him getting a decent one that has some noise cancelling and also a mic that filters background sounds. I can sometimes hear DH and DD but it doesn't make it through mic and doesn't stop me hearing Teams calls and stuff.

God this is giving me flashbacks of nannying during lockdown looking after toddlers while the parents tried to work…horrendous and sometimes not even the local park open, no cafes or anything…. shudder.

However…OP is not a paid childcarer! It’s her home too and if I was told I couldn’t use the kitchen at the end of my working day because DH was working and needed quiet he’d be told to get te feck and sent to a bedroom, the office or the local pub/coffee shop to finish his work there.

Sounds like such a tricky subject. I completely understand both sides.
If he’s in such an area where you can’t access the kitchen or bathroom then it really does make it difficult for you to move around your home.
Like you said your little one is far too young to understand why they can’t go to their dad, especially when they can hear him.
It’s frustrating for your husband but surely he can be sympathetic to your side too.
Yes he’s busy working but it’s not as if you’re sitting relaxing! I think it is a bit unrealistic to take him out everyday, you’d get bored quickly and might run out of ideas. An extra hour in nursery might work but does that come at an extra cost?
Like some pp have suggested, is he able to go to the bedroom for the last while of his working day? Yes it would be annoying to move everything but you both need to compromise sadly.
You could suggest 2/3 days you take the little one somewhere and the other days he goes to the bedroom to work? Then you could alternate weekly?

This is why my DH goes into the office even though he could WFH every day. He’s one of very few that do but we have a small house and there’s nowhere you can escape the noise from two (often arguing) DC after school.

Even working in a bedroom DS would be able to hear him and try to get to him - as I’ve said I was on the other side of this the other day, so I’m not totally unsympathetic and I don’t mind going out a couple of days a week. It’s the expectation that I’m going to do it every single day that I’m really fed up with.

Are you all on one level?

It sounds rubbish. What about putting your toddler in for a nice bath when he gets in/ it’s relaxing, would keep him occupied for a little while, it’s another job done ?

That does sound a difficult layout for home working, is there any chance of your DH changing his working hours a bit to start earlier and therefore finish earlier?

I think companies understand the odd interruption when working from home, but not every day. I think part of the issue here is that it leaves you dealing with your distressed child every day, that would get to a lot of people tbh.

Lockdown is over. Can't DH work elsewhere on the relevant days? Office? Co-working space? Library? Bedroom?

WFH is not sustainable in this situation. It's your home, so you need to be able to live as you would in a home, and not be restricted by your DH working imo. This will not get better as your DS gets older. What happens when they're a demanding toddler, having a tantrum, or old be left alone to okay in their room, interrupt daddy but not really old enough to undertake why they can't? What happens when they're old enough to have friends over after school, are you going to avoid that because it might disturb your DH? I don't think it's reasonable for you always to need to be on DS guard duty in your own home, keeping your DS from interrupting your DH. One of the advantages of DC's getting older is you can leave them to play independently whilst you get on with jobs etc, or have friends round to occupy them, but if you're constantly having to tiptoe around a WFH parent it's the pits. We're not in a lockdown situation anymore, WFH is now pretty much a choice, and if family life cannot go on as normal around the WFH parents, the WFH parents needs to find another solution imo. They could find a local cafe to work in for that last part of their working day, or go to a library. If that's not possible, they need to speak to their employer to find a solution, as continuing to WFH is no longer appropriate.

Is working from home a permanent situation or a hangover from covid?

"What happens when they're a demanding toddler, having a tantrum, or old be left alone to okay in their room, interrupt daddy but not really old enough to undertake why they can't?"

Sorry, that's didn't make any sense. I should have written "what happens when they're old enough to play independently in their room, could interrupt daddy, but not really old enough to understand why they can't".

You shouldn’t have to take him out every day but DH shouldn’t be interrupted.

Could DH not work upstairs or put a lock on the door so he can’t get to him?

What time does he have his dinner? You could make this so he has it between 4:30-6 which keeps him entertained for a bit.

If possible could your DH take 5mins off his lunch break so when you come back he can say hello to his son and then go back to work?

I don’t think 90 mins is that long to keep a toddler entertained.

I do think he should go back to the office a couple of days a week if us being around is such a problem. It’s very annoying being chivvied out of your own home!

Believe me @WonderfulYou. It is.