To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

[Positivelyperfect]

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

YABU - to be honest I think you need to keep DS away from DH if he has to work from home.

I don’t think it’s wrong for him to watch some tv - perhaps if he watches a bit more he will begin to enjoy a cartoon. Bribe with snacks, a cuddle in your lap, a rest for you. Win win

I work from my bedroom and installed a lock so no one could burst in as it got silly. Then again it’s a (boring) call centre job so can’t be having a child burst in and ask me a question - which they always did even though they are supervised downstairs 🤣

I think it depends - is DH working from home because he chooses to, or because his company is WFH full time?

If he's choosing to and could go to the office then I think he needs to compromise a bit more - he should certainly be able to work mostly undisturbed for 90 minutes and I can think of a lot of ways to entertain a toddler in that time but the layout sounds like it makes it harder.

If he's on mandatory WFH then I think you're both being a bit unreasonable - if his job requires him to be working from home and you have no other option and the layout makes it genuinely impossible to have undisturbed time for 7.5 hours a week, then you both need to pay for DS to have longer nursery hours (or some other solution - can DH flex his time and be available for when you both get home but then start work again at e.g. 6-7 for a couple of hours?).

DH should work in the bedroom and DS will learn that he can't be disturbed.
Our DC had to learn the same thing as DH has always done quite a bit of WFH.
You shouldn't have to go out every day.

Now we’re living with Covid I think home workers should have proper office space with DSE compliant equipment away from children and pets or be in the office.

I’ve been a home worker since 2006, I would never have been permitted to work from home without a proper fully adjustable chair, desk at least 1200 wide and 800 deep, monitor, keyboard and mouse, all of which were provided by the company.

All I can see is industrial compensation claims in the years to come from homeworkers sitting on dining chairs using a laptop only for hours on end whilst stuck with a headset on taking endless Teams calls.

Covid was exceptional circumstances, but now we are back to normal more or less employers need to be ensuring their flexible workforce are working safely.

Your DH needs his own designated space so you can live in your house as it is intended or bugger off back to the office.

@ThinWomansBrain

while someone is booming away in the next room So DH is one of those that can't have a phone conversation at normal volume, but thinks he has to shout because the person he is speaking to is in another room?

There's something about the technology that causes a lot of people to do this. I wouldn't be surprised if it's a majority. I wish we could do polls, I would like to know how many working spouses of posters do it. (No point asking voters whether they do it themselves, because many won't be aware how loud they are.)

DH Need to work upstairs out the way during that time. Don't let toddler upstairs.

The set up is not working for the family. Can he return to office? Or can he rent an office space?
Alternatively would you have to pay for an extra hour of nursery or is that just when you collect him? If it wasn't extortionate I would probably keep him in, mostly because getting home at 1630 is a pain because they usually are starving and exhausted so you have to have tea sorted while entertaining them, can't imagine having to do that whilst keeping him quiet. My nursery would give them a snack tea at 1630 so it was just bath milk and bed when we got home.

YANBU...it is a family home. But HINBU a toddler screaming for the final 1.5 h work calls probably isn't very professional. He also should move to the bedroom. We had a similar issue with my youngest when he was 1..when I was making tea he would spend the entire time screaming his head off and trying to get into the kitchen. My DH is not the best at distracting him so he started moving our big armchair over the kitchen doors so the baby couldn't physically get in. After a couple attempts he gave up trying and went back to playing.

@Positivelyperfect

Even working in a bedroom DS would be able to hear him and try to get to him - as I’ve said I was on the other side of this the other day, so I’m not totally unsympathetic and I don’t mind going out a couple of days a week. It’s the expectation that I’m going to do it every single day that I’m really fed up with.

Are you in a flat?

I assumed you were in a house and DH could go work in the bedroom and you guys stay downstairs. Shut the door to the hallway so he csnt get up or use a stair gate?

However, a flat makes it harder. But again, could you get a gate so DS cant get to the bedroom door and DH relocates?

Otherwise the obvious alternative is DH returns to working in his company office.

Maybe a picture of the layout of your flat might help us work out a solution.

@Positivelyperfect

Of course I don’t have DS in the same room as DH, but there is no way I can totally avoid him either. The room is a through-route to the kitchen so it’s basically saying I can’t go in the kitchen between 430-6 and DH can’t use the bathroom. It’s pretty stressful.

Well it sounds like your home isn't fit for WFH and DH needs to get back into the office!

Or is there another drip feel that the job has always been/will always be WFH, in addition to the unhelpful set up

I think a lot of people assume that everyone who's WFH lives in a sprawling house across 3 floors.

But again, if your home isn't big and you have small children, it really isn't suitable for WFH.

There isn’t a solution - believe me. Working in a bedroom would be marginally better because I could use the kitchen but I can still hear DH and therefore DS can.

I think DS has a long enough day at nursery as it is and tbh so do I - I don’t really see why I should have to do an extra unpaid hour at work every night. I’m also not convinced any one year old will quietly watch cartoons for an hour and a half - or that doing so is in his best interests.

@Positivelyperfect

I think you need to do a combination of:

1-2 days DS stays an extra hour at nursery - if you can either do an extra hour at work or perhaps do the food shop then?
1-2 days DH goes to the office & works late
1-2 days - DH sucks it up and goes to Costa/Bedroom/finishes early?

If DH is permanently WFH - you need to look at how you can get an office space better set up

DS will also get more into the TV soon - so it's not going to be like this forever!

You don't have an appropriate WFH set up. Everyone was understanding of interruptions during COVID and enforced isolations and expected the tantrums, noise, dogs barking etc but unless your DH has to work from home, then he either sorts out an appropriate setup or if that isn't possible he is going to have to go back to the office at least some of the time. This is first and foremost your home!

What ‘drip’? I can’t think of anything I’ve ‘dripped’ other than possibly the fact we don’t have an upstairs or garden.

Ultimately, I think it's not your job to accommodate your DHs work, so there no solution for the OP to find. You just crack on OP living your normal life in your home. If your DH is interrupted by your DS whilst you go to the loo/do laundry/sit down for a cuppa, so be it, that's the price to be paid for working in the same space as a child. I know he's only little, and maybe you can't sit down and relax with a cup of tea very often, but eventually they'll be old enough so you can. And you shouldn't need to be worrying about your DS interrupting your DH, everyone deserves downtime in their own home! Your DH needs to come up with a solution that does not inconvenience you and your DS, it's a home, not an office.

Why do you keep saying you will have to do an extra unpaid hour of work if your son goes to nursery longer?

Your DS will be able to understand over time that daddy is working in the room with the shut door and he will have to wait until the door is open to see him even if he can hear him.

DC do get there in time.

Home is just that. A home first and foremost. It's tricky working from home with young children but if it's a choice ie he could go back into the office then maybe he needs to consider that for at least some of the week.

@Positivelyperfect

What ‘drip’? I can’t think of anything I’ve ‘dripped’ other than possibly the fact we don’t have an upstairs or garden.

Surely whether you have an upstairs or not is extremely relevant

Is wfh becoming a performance? Surely it’s entire possible to work in a bedroom with the door closed and not have the entire house hear you?

Or is part of the fun making everyone aware of how important the worker is?

@Kdubs1981

Your house is first and foremost a home, not a place of work. He needs to find a solution, not you

You both need to find a solution. I assume if he lost his job it would be a problem. Your DH has the right to work without interruptions.

I can feel the frustration through your posts. And I'll be your DH is frustrated. And, by the sounds of it, your D's too.

And you're in a stalemate.

What have you tried?

Have you tried the bedroom? If the bedroom is too loud, can you hang thick curtains either side of the door to cut down the noise leakage?

Have you tried a baby gate?

Have you tried a rota? I'll go out on Mondays, Tuesdays, you finish earlier. On Wednesdays I'll sit constantly with ds in the other room, Thursday your mum could take him after nursery and on Fridays you go to a cafe or hire a hotdesk.

You could out D's in nursery for an extra hour one night a week, surely?

You and your DH need to come together to find the solution. And it might take trying loads of different things.

@LottyD32 - because if I leave work then come home I’d have to go straight back out again to get DS. So essentially a choice between at home with a crying child or stuck in peak traffic.

If DH is frustrated then he is ultimately the one with the solution, I’m not.

I am not saying I’m not willing to compromise but there are some things, like TV babysitters and extra time in nursery (when he’s already there a lot) I don’t think should be presented as solutions tbh.