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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

998 replies

Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:28

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 03/03/2022 18:46

If he doesn't have the space to WFH properly then he needs to go into office. I would just be living normally until he comes to that realisation himself.

TravellingFrom · 03/03/2022 18:46

And tbh, your DH is acting like a petulant child…..

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/03/2022 18:46

I mean the fact he can work from the office does seem to be the solution tbh

Or if he is in the home some times he should keep his voice down a bit, and be in the bedroom

Wizzbangfizz · 03/03/2022 18:47

Tell him to go back to the office if he has that option - or he deals with continued disturbances.

TheSmallAssassin · 03/03/2022 18:47

I think the best solution is for your husband to go and work on the office at least a few days a week. Could he shift his day a bit so he starts earlier and finishes earlier, or keep admin work til the end of the day and not have any meetings then so it isn't so obvious he's there? Or put some sound insulation on the door? Does he use a headset for his calls? I think that helps when modulating the volume of calls too.

Lilac57 · 03/03/2022 18:48

@Positivelyperfect and that's a completely understandable point of view, that is what is happening. If you explained that it's not reasonable to expect DH's work to be accommodated in your home any longer, what would he say? I have had that exact conversation with my OH (I work away from home, but I'm at home with the kids late afternoon and school holidays whilst my DH is working). We agreed that if there's anything that he really can't be interrupted during, and as long as it's a very infrequent occurance, I'd take the kids out. But usually, DH has to put up us, we now do everything completely normally in our home, which includes noisy playdates, normal level of sibling arguments etc. We've agreed he'll go to a cafe if he can't deal with that, sometimes he does, but usually he just copes. He does go to the office a couple of days a week though. Maybe your DH needs to talk to his employer about that, if it's possible.

PomPomSugar · 03/03/2022 18:49

Could you do bathtime when you get home and then reading/playing in the bedroom?

Avidreader12 · 03/03/2022 18:49

I honestly think wfh is a nightmare it should be called living at home. Why should people have to tip toe around their loved ones just because employers are wanting people to wfh yes separate space is better but long term it’s not a solution. I think work places should be just that and homes be homes.

Avidreader12 · 03/03/2022 18:49

Sorry living at work I mean.

givethatbabyaname · 03/03/2022 18:50

This is exactly why I lost my mind during lockdown. It's impossible handing a wfh parent and a toddler in a flat. Impossible.

Your DH has the option of going into an office. He needs to use it. Unbelievably selfish expecting a 1yo child or its parent to stay quiet for 1.5hrs in their own home, when they don't have to.

Coughee · 03/03/2022 18:50

There absolutely should be a compromise here - you sound like you're willing to compromise by taking toddler out a couple of days a week. Why can't he similarly compromise by going into the office a couple of days a week? How flexible are his hours? Is there potential for him to add a bit of time on his day if he does go in the office so he can finish earlier on one of two of the wfh days? He's being very unreasonable expecting you to take on all the inconvenience of him wfh. That's just not fair.

DuchessofAnkh22 · 03/03/2022 18:51

@Positivelyperfect

Yes, he could work at the office but he prefers wfh.
I think people have got very confused with wfh. In the pandemic, when we were at home through necessity, anything goes. The reality is that in order to work from home you need a soundproof space, where you can't be interrupted, with a proper desk, chair, computer equipment etc. You have to produce evidence that children are being looked after. Your DH doesn't have that therefore he can't really wfh.
CruCru · 03/03/2022 18:52

The thing about WFH is how unpleasant it can be for the other people. Children don’t live in an office - having people shhh shhh shhh you whenever you get home is miserable.

MichaelAndEagle · 03/03/2022 18:53

@Hugasauras

If he doesn't have the space to WFH properly then he needs to go into office. I would just be living normally until he comes to that realisation himself.
Absolutely. It's your home. Not all homes make suitable work places, he needs to go back into the office. I personally wouldn't make any effort to be quiet at all. But I'm probably a dick!
LottyD32 · 03/03/2022 18:53

[quote Positivelyperfect]@Lilac57 - tbh that’s how I see it.

@LottyD32 I can find somewhere or something a couple of days a week I am sure. It’s the expectation that I’m going to do this every single day that I am really getting sick of.[/quote]
I meant on the way back from work picking ds up later. Could you swim?

Lilac57 · 03/03/2022 18:53

Ah, I've just read that your DH could go to the office, but it's just a choice to wfh. Stop enabling doing anything which enables this choice OP.

WonderfulYou · 03/03/2022 18:55

I like the idea of a compromise as suggested by PPs.

He goes into the office twice a week.
You take DS out twice a week - even if it’s just shopping or stopping off at your mums for an hour on the way home.
Then one day he WFH whilst DS is there too.

Try it for a couple of weeks then if it’s still not working go back to the drawing board.

cherrytopcake · 03/03/2022 18:56

Like anything at this stage of a toddler's life, this phase will pass but you need to consistently say "no you can't see daddy now" and stick to it. He'll stop eventually. I would t take child out until 6pm. Husband needs to accept this

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 18:57

could you swim

Every day? Would you like to go swimming every single day after work with a toddler?

I’m not necessarily looking for solutions to how I can ensure DS is quiet, I was just wondering if others thought that what I was being asked was in any way reasonable.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 03/03/2022 18:57

@Positivelyperfect

Yes, he could work at the office but he prefers wfh.
Well tough he can go into work if he wants peace and quiet.
Dottdoo · 03/03/2022 18:57

@Positivelyperfect

Yes, he could work at the office but he prefers wfh.
Could you try

DH relocates to a spare bedroom upstairs. Assume you have baby gates etc so the baby couldn't get up there

But when you get home with DS then Daddy has a break in his diary where he comes downstairs for 15 minutes to see his son? If he stopped work for 15 minutes at 'hometime' he can say hello, give cuddles, have a chat and a short play and then make clear that Daddy has to finish work and DS needs to stay downstairs to help Mummy.

You could set an alarm and tell him, when the bell goes that's when DS can see Daddy again.

It might take a week or so to bed in but once it becomes a routine you might find he settles into this?

Just an idea - bit of compromise for everyone to try?

CorpusCallosum · 03/03/2022 18:57

We had this with DD who was around 13mo when we went into lockdown, it was really hard. Every time I came out of the bedroom to use the loo, get a drink or food it would unsettle her. She'd also try and come to the door and I'd hear her crying with the person looking after her trying to calm her. I just had to sit there, try to work and trust that the person caring for her would support her - which they did!

I (and your DH) just had to put up with it! It's part of WFH when you don't have a completely separate space! Fwiw DD grew out of it in time and now understands about working but that took a long time.

He 100% could go into the office a couple of days a week rather than getting cross that a 1yo wants his daddy 🙄

Blossom64265 · 03/03/2022 18:58

When dd was little and we were wfh, we had to make sure we were not seen, especially me. She could handle the occasional view of dad, but if she saw mom, it was a disaster. Thankfully I had an en-suite in my home office.

If at all possible, he needs to work someone where he isn’t in the main flow of household life, preferably behind a closed door. He also needs to plan his bathroom breaks. He knows what time you get home. He should take a break just before and then not come out again until he is done for the day. This is just what wfh parents of toddlers do.

stripeyflowers · 03/03/2022 18:58

[quote Positivelyperfect]@LottyD32 - because if I leave work then come home I’d have to go straight back out again to get DS. So essentially a choice between at home with a crying child or stuck in peak traffic.[/quote]
Why would you have to leave work and come straight home? Couldn't you use that extra time to do something 'for you, like go for a coffee, or for a walk or run, or see a friend, or park up close to the nursery and read etc.

TheHateIsNotGood · 03/03/2022 18:58

I've been WFH for years and 'interruptions' have always been part of this. Is he a newcomer to WFH due to Covid adaptions?

The only way to secure WFH conditions similar to those found in an office-based environment is to pay for childcare and refuse/turn away any friends or family who dare to enter the 'working domain'.