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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

998 replies

Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:28

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

OP posts:
Lilac57 · 03/03/2022 18:32

Why does DH have "a right to work without interruptions"? It's not his office. Yes it would be completely unreasonable for OP to show up at DH's office with their DS and interrupt his work, but that's not what is happening. If anything DH is preventing the OP from living normally in their home, and it's the OP's "rights" which are being infringed upon!

KatieKat88 · 03/03/2022 18:32

Get DH to work upstairs and play music/ the radio where you and toddler are so he can't hear him?

LottyD32 · 03/03/2022 18:33

[quote Positivelyperfect]@LottyD32 - because if I leave work then come home I’d have to go straight back out again to get DS. So essentially a choice between at home with a crying child or stuck in peak traffic.[/quote]
Sorry, I thought you worked from home too for some reason.

Is there nowhere on the way to stop off? A library or something?

TheKeatingFive · 03/03/2022 18:34

Your DH has the right to work without interruptions.

Not slap in the middle of a family home he doesn't.

If he can't work in the bedroom he needs to sort proper office space.

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 18:35

@Lilac57 - tbh that’s how I see it.

@LottyD32 I can find somewhere or something a couple of days a week I am sure. It’s the expectation that I’m going to do this every single day that I am really getting sick of.

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 03/03/2022 18:36

If DH was in the office what would you be doing with DS?

Is he screaming and crying to try and get to DH or is he just asking to see daddy?

If he’s screaming at the top of his lungs for an hour and a half then DH will either need to buy headphones or go to the office but if he’s just trying to get to him then I don’t see an issue as most toddlers need constant supervision anyway.

TheKeatingFive · 03/03/2022 18:37

It’s the expectation that I’m going to do this every single day that I am really getting sick of.

Just don't

It really is his problem not yours.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 03/03/2022 18:37

Why can't he just go back to the office?

PheonixGlitterRepublic · 03/03/2022 18:38

You don’t want him to watch cartoons when he is tired at the end of a busy day and think constantly being upset he can’t get to his dad working in another room is preferable? I’m a bit baffled by this honestly.

bellac11 · 03/03/2022 18:38

You seem to have implied that he is able to work at the office, you said you think that he should, and you havent said that he is not allowed?

Therefore the answer is obvious, he needs to go back to the office, even if its just for the afternoons.

Is there a reason why he wont do this?

Hollyhead · 03/03/2022 18:39

He just needs to go back to the office, then maybe on his wfh days you could make the effort to take your DS out.

Mickarooni · 03/03/2022 18:40

Is there no way DH could be a bit quieter? I am not suggesting his whispers but some people do have booming voices that I’m sure they can control a little bit. Not mentioning any names…..my husband!! Wink

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 18:40

If DH was in the office I think we’d just be playing normally.

As it is I come in with DS, DS hears DH, tries to go to him, can’t, cries, I move DS away, he cries, I settle DS, then DH voice booms out again or I need to go to the kitchen or DH comes out to go to the bathroom and it all starts again.

OP posts:
myyellowcar · 03/03/2022 18:41

This is his problem, not yours. Your home is a home and not an office, and if he can’t manage then he needs to make arrangements with his employer to work elsewhere.

Often I’m at home with DS while DH works and sometimes I work while DS is with DH. It is what it is. My view is we will go out and try and be quiet but equally this is a home, not an office so there will often be some background noise at times when DS is home with the other adult.

Original poster
Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 18:41

Yes, he could work at the office but he prefers wfh.

OP posts:
purplesequins · 03/03/2022 18:42

part of my wfh agreement is about having an adequate work station. sounds like your dh hasn't and needs to ensure he has a better set up.

zaffa · 03/03/2022 18:42

Some of these responses are quite interesting. I work from home and there are times when DD toddler is home whilst I'm still working (either because she has the day off and DH is looking after her or because I'm still working when DH brings her home from nursery. (Around 4:15pm)

I would never expect him to take her out or silence her - she's had a long day at nursery, she's tired, she wants a snack, she wants a cuddle from her mummy .... It's just not practical to expect her to be out the house every evening.

I worked around this by finishing when she gets home and logging back in later - could your DH try something flexible like this?

Otherwise; he needs to reconsider his WFH arrangement if he can't find a way to work in the home
Environment - at the end of the day that is your home, not an office (aware I am from the privileged position of having a study that isn't a through fare and that I can shut the door to for an important meeting - but I wouldn't put DD in a situation where she couldn't access other parts of the house because I didn't want to be disturbed and was confined to a small area without a loo!)

silverspiral · 03/03/2022 18:42

It sounds like he has the option to go into the office so he should do that. My DH goes in rather than WFH because of the 1.5 hrs that he works once the DC are back from school.

BIWI · 03/03/2022 18:43

Does he have to finish at 6? Why not start an hour earlier and then finish at 5? That means only half an hour for your DS - and he could be having a bath in that half an hour.

ManAlive24 · 03/03/2022 18:43

You keep saying every single day, does he work 7 days a week?

myyellowcar · 03/03/2022 18:43

Ok so if he is choosing this situation then he needs to resolve it. Taking a tired toddler who has been in nursery out 4.30 - 6 each day is not a reasonable solution to accommodate an adult who is choosing to work from home despite apparently not having space to do so.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/03/2022 18:44

I agree with those who say it’s your DH’s problem to sort. Your house is a home first and foremost and you should be able to treat it as one.

He needs to either:

  1. Work in the office if there is one
  2. Work in a separate room in the house - going into the bedroom for 1.5 hours would be fine I’d have thought
  3. Go out to a coffee shop or similar to work if that’s possible and the above aren’t
  4. See if he can change his hours

Shutting you and your ds out of the house aren’t solutions. I don’t think that a bit of tv would be a problem but perhaps not every day

TheKeatingFive · 03/03/2022 18:44

He sounds like an entitled fuckwit OP. No way would I be accommodating this when he could use the bedroom or be in his office.

stuntbubbles · 03/03/2022 18:44

@Positivelyperfect

Yes, he could work at the office but he prefers wfh.
He obviously only means this as “I prefer wfh but you’re not allowed to use it as a home”.

I have DD at home with me all day on Fridays. DP WFH. He said once that it was a shame we couldn’t reciprocate having people over for play dates on a Friday but I told him that was nonsense; it’s DD’s home and she’s not going to act like it’s an office for an entire day. She can have friends over, the rule is they don’t knock on the office door. And if the shrieking disturbs him, he can go to work.

YANBU to not take a toddler out daily: childcare is tiring and all DD wants after nursery is to potter at home for a bit. And it’s bloody freezing where we are. Onus is on the WFH person to suck it up.

TravellingFrom · 03/03/2022 18:45

You need a mix of solutions.

DH back in the office some of the days.
DH working upstairs the rest of the time (dc is only 1yo. A stair-gate should stop him from going upstairs).
When the weather is nicer, you might be able to stop at the park for a run around SOME days. But tbh keeping dc relatively quiet and occupied will already be hard work so I wouodn’t want that to become ‘the norm’.

But what your DH is expecting is unmanageable. Esp now that he has a toddler, not a baby. Just now, it is up to him to adapt to the changes of his dc, not the other way around.