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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

998 replies

Positivelyperfect · 03/03/2022 17:28

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

OP posts:

stuntbubbles · 04/03/2022 17:24

It's not that difficult to keep a child out of a room for 1.5 hours though, let's be honest.
It’s not 1.5 hours once, it’s 1.5 hours five times a week, every week, forever. And it’s not “a room” it’s “the room where the child’s tea can be made” aka prime real estate in the post-nursery window.

Phineyj · 04/03/2022 18:40

I'm sure you're not reading this thread any more OP, and I wouldn't blame you! But I am baffled as to why your 'D'H wouldn't change his hours to 8-4 to solve the problem completely. Probably because he's a selfish git?

CornishGem1975 · 04/03/2022 19:28

That's assuming he'd be able to change his hours? I know my company wouldn't just let me decide when to work.

Doodar · 04/03/2022 19:42

I don’t think, in nearly 20 years on MN, I’ve cone across an OP with as much stamina to defend her position. Not that I agree with all of it though.

KeepYaHeadUp · 04/03/2022 20:19

@Escargooooooo

Lol, are there nursery that you pay for by the hour? Like a parking meter?

Um, yes that's how most nurserys operate. You can book full days. Half days. And hours. 99% have an hourly rate.

Amazed you thought the idea was hilarious. It's how most childcare providers operate. Or do you think that someone with a child going from 9-3 pays the same as a child going 8-5?

Do you have children?

Between me and another family member we've considered 12 nurseries in our town and of those 1 offered an hourly rate. That's not 99% by any reckoning

KeepYaHeadUp · 04/03/2022 20:22

@CornishGem1975

I haven't read the full thread (because 29 pages) but...I WFH full-time and have a toddler. My DH collects him from nursery and looks after him one day a week. It is SO hard to get work done when my DS is around, he's a very full-on toddler, but I do suck it up. DH tends to take him out a lot during the day, especially if I have meetings but if I have no calls to go on then we just get on with it. Sometimes it does mean I have to squirrel myself away in a bedroom if I need peace and can't deal with constant interruptions. At the end of the day, I am trying to do my job which pays the bills so I need DH to help by removing the obstacle sometimes but I am also aware that it's their home!

Just get your DH to go on @Escargooooooo 's upcoming parenting course! You'll be working in peace in no time

5zeds · 04/03/2022 20:27

I used to think the evenings were the hardest part of the day with toddlers. Surely you’re saving a fortune by him working from home? Can you not just invest some of that to make it easier? Do you feel it’s going to get better? For example are you planning to move to somewhere with dedicated work space, or remodel? It often helps to be working towards something.

cansu · 04/03/2022 20:30

He needs to move upstairs at 4pm and work with the door shut. He can't be downstairs with you and toddler.
No you shouldn't be going out every evening to allow him to work until 6. Can he take shorter breaks and finish earlier?
He needs to think of a solution that does not involve you and toddler being unable to be at home.

DeliaOwens · 04/03/2022 20:39

Is your DH doing a job where he is speaking on the phone a lot? Could he take his laptop to the car for an hour or so? (So leaving the house free fir you?

chickywoo · 04/03/2022 20:45

On the days I work from home when the kids are home after 3:30 any phonecalls I make I have to go outside in the car 😆 even though I can tell them all to be quiet it does not work, I have to take myself away where they can’t be heard.
So I think your husband should probs be a bit more understanding, unfortunately children don’t have an off/mute switch and it is primarily your home, his office second.

Whitefire · 04/03/2022 21:02

@cansu

He needs to move upstairs at 4pm and work with the door shut. He can't be downstairs with you and toddler. No you shouldn't be going out every evening to allow him to work until 6. Can he take shorter breaks and finish earlier? He needs to think of a solution that does not involve you and toddler being unable to be at home.

Unless he is going to go and sit in the upstairs neighbours flat then there is no option of going upstairs.

Whitefire · 04/03/2022 21:09

I've found the solution. I think it may just work.

To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

PearPickingPorky · 04/03/2022 22:13

If your DH would like a quiet uninterrupted last 90 minutes, but won't go to the office, how about when you and DS get home your DH goes and works in your car

Anyway. I'm glad the thread was kept. HQ did seem to have this arse about face at first: interestingly, the bullies were reporting the people challenging their dreadful vicious bullying of the OP! But I'm glad that they looked again and have seen what was happening here.

TheGoogleMum · 04/03/2022 22:32

Sounds like your space at home isn't ideal for working from home so DH should probably go back to office tbh. Couldn't he work in bedroom quietly to give you a chance of DS not knowing he's there when he's working?

Ivyonafence · 04/03/2022 22:37

Presumably OP has a job in which she can't work from home. I wonder if part of the frustration is that there is an imbalance. DH has the comfort and ease of being home all day, not having to rush about with drop offs and getting to work as OP does. And then OP finally gets back to the home DH has been enjoying all day and wants to relax/decompress somewhat. But no, DH is there making even her home time unnecessarily stressful.

Reading the updates it doesn't sound like DH is bothered by DS's behaviour, is that wrong?. It's more that OP finds DS harder to manage under those circumstances. He'd be a lot calmer alone in the house with his mother who is paying him attention.

I agree with PPs stop trying to keep DS from daddy and let the chips fall where they may.

You going out every night is a ludicrous solution. Was DH surprised that you wanted him back in the office? If that was news to him I can see that he might have felt unwanted or unwelcome in his own home and maybe made the stupid suggestion about you and DS leaving the house because he was upset or feeling defensive rather than actually thinking that was a viable solution.

lobsteroll · 04/03/2022 23:06

I've only read the OPs posts but the husband is totally unreasonable.

He "prefers" working from home - as long as everyone else accommodates him. I can't believe it to be honest!

His options should be:

Go to the office full time
Go to the office half of the week and work from home and accept that other people need to use the open plan space
Work from home full time and accept other people need to use the open plan space

It really isn't difficult to work out what is best and he sounds like he is being deliberately difficult.

I would LOVE to see the tables turned and see him try and control a 1 year old at that time of day 5 times a week.

Honestly, I can't believe how selfish some people can be. You are definitely not being unreasonable.

seven201 · 05/03/2022 00:05

I would find that mighty annoying if I were you or him. I think a compromise needs to be found. He should go into work 2 or 3 afternoons a week.

BoredBoredBoredB · 05/03/2022 07:23

@Escargooooooo
“By the way, here's a section from one nursery document. With the hourly rates that don't exist. That the children I don't have, attend.

(Fucking idiots)“

Given that the hours and rate shown for a discounted full week illustrate exactly what everyone told you perhaps you could apologise for your ‘fucking idiots’ remark and your general ‘I’m surrounded by idiots’ attitude.

Phineyj · 05/03/2022 07:55

Yes, hours can be inflexible. But it's surprising how many men just don't/won't ask which then puts all the need for flexibility onto their partner, and so the cycle perpetuates.

Franticbutterfly · 05/03/2022 08:57

You could do the weekly shop one day, give dc a bath, have an early dinner (high chair), go to the park for half an hour (when the weather picks up). Or just tell DH to go to the damn office! There are benefits to going "out" to work, and not having a kid who hasn't been with a parent all day banging on the door is one of 'em!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 06/03/2022 23:52

Just came back to this post after mine a few pages ago - wanted to say @Positivelyperfect I’m 100% on your side and genuinely don’t understand why anyone would think it’s your job to keep the baby quiet just because your husband has unilaterally decided that home is his workspace.

Hope he sees reason soon and goes back, and I’m REALLY sorry at some of the hurtful and frankly ridiculous posts on here.

Even a Herculean twin mum like myself cab agree with your plight

HiHiHiHi933 · 11/03/2022 09:52

Interesting Thread.

CloudPop · 13/03/2022 17:54

@ChiefWiggumsBoy

Just came back to this post after mine a few pages ago - wanted to say *@Positivelyperfect* I’m 100% on your side and genuinely don’t understand why anyone would think it’s your job to keep the baby quiet just because your husband has unilaterally decided that home is his workspace.

Hope he sees reason soon and goes back, and I’m REALLY sorry at some of the hurtful and frankly ridiculous posts on here.

Even a Herculean twin mum like myself cab agree with your plight

Last word. Agreed. He needs to go to his bloody office !

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