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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by DH scoffing birthday chocolates?

193 replies

user1499609760 · 03/03/2022 09:33

It was my birthday earlier this week and as part of my gifts DH gave me a box of nice chocolates.

I opened them yesterday to have one with our post-lunch coffee (both WFH) and offered him one. He then asked for another, and another, while I only had one, trying to savour them. Then after dinner, he asked for more! I said one each and he got annoyed, saying it was offensive that I wouldn’t share with him. AIBU unreasonable to not want to share my birthday chocolates like this? I would always offer him one of anything I’m eating but he then takes more and more, so inevitably I end up with about one-third of the treats. Since he specifically bought them for me for my birthday, I think I should be able to say no. Or am I being massively petty?

(Mostly lighthearted, as I realise this is a microscopic problem in the wider context! Smile)

OP posts:
hamsterchump · 03/03/2022 18:09

Why would you assume only women share their presents in relationships where sharing is the norm! That's mental! Who would put up with that? We're not all doormats thanks.

Part of the reason why I'm happy to share any consumable gifts with OH is the certain knowledge that he will also willingly share his with me. This was just the default that we both expected and not something we had to train the other to do, I consider it good manners that should be taught in childhood to be honest.

We also both like sharing and eating/drinking whatever it is together and have no problem with the other one having some of what we have off our plates etc (also verboten here I suspect). It would just seem really weird to me to be sat there eating my chocs and not offer him some and vice versa I'd be really shocked if he didn't automatically offer his to me, it just wouldn't happen. It also just wouldn't occur to me to feel the need to sneak them somewhere so I could keep them all for myself.

It means we get more shares of nice things throughout the year. I'd rather have half a box of chocs/bottle of naice wine etc more times a year than a whole box/bottle fewer times. I'd actually rather share my consumable gifts, because it feels more of an occasion that way, we can try whatever it is and talk about it if it's new or fancy or just enjoy a pig out with a film or something together.

I don't plate any dinners up so I don't serve portions, penis or otherwise. If I make someone a sandwich, regardless of what I suspect their reproductive organs to be, I ask them how many slices of bread do you want? Then I make the requested number of sandwiches. I put dinners in serving dishes and we take what we want and usually ask the other if they want the last whatever item before taking it (if we both want it, we'll split it in half).

hamsterchump · 03/03/2022 18:10

Ok I can't quote @LottyD32 for some reason, but that's who that's meant to be a reply to

Smileyaxolotl1 · 03/03/2022 18:12

“I wouldn’t want to be with any of the men haters on here.
No wonder they have affairs and get a divorce.”

God forbid a woman has something of her own and doesn’t let her husband take it just because he wants it eh?
These ridiculous women with boundaries - what idiots they are not to pander to males in every aspects of their lives.
No wonder men leave them if they won’t let those men do everything they want at all times.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 03/03/2022 18:19

That would have made me so angry. OP, I would “borrow” some money from him, buy the box of chocolates again and eat them in front of him. All in one go. Then tell him you enjoyed your birthday present. I wouldn’t be giving him the money back either.

LottyD32 · 03/03/2022 18:29

@hamsterchump

Why would you assume only women share their presents in relationships where sharing is the norm! That's mental! Who would put up with that? We're not all doormats thanks.

Part of the reason why I'm happy to share any consumable gifts with OH is the certain knowledge that he will also willingly share his with me. This was just the default that we both expected and not something we had to train the other to do, I consider it good manners that should be taught in childhood to be honest.

We also both like sharing and eating/drinking whatever it is together and have no problem with the other one having some of what we have off our plates etc (also verboten here I suspect). It would just seem really weird to me to be sat there eating my chocs and not offer him some and vice versa I'd be really shocked if he didn't automatically offer his to me, it just wouldn't happen. It also just wouldn't occur to me to feel the need to sneak them somewhere so I could keep them all for myself.

It means we get more shares of nice things throughout the year. I'd rather have half a box of chocs/bottle of naice wine etc more times a year than a whole box/bottle fewer times. I'd actually rather share my consumable gifts, because it feels more of an occasion that way, we can try whatever it is and talk about it if it's new or fancy or just enjoy a pig out with a film or something together.

I don't plate any dinners up so I don't serve portions, penis or otherwise. If I make someone a sandwich, regardless of what I suspect their reproductive organs to be, I ask them how many slices of bread do you want? Then I make the requested number of sandwiches. I put dinners in serving dishes and we take what we want and usually ask the other if they want the last whatever item before taking it (if we both want it, we'll split it in half).

This difference is you would offer them to your dh and share them with him. Op's dh wanted most of them and then sulked like a child when told no, he can't have more of HER present.
axolotlfloof · 03/03/2022 18:49

I think gifts are for the owner.
DH would do this with my chocs, but I tell him not to/hide them.
He also "taxes" the kids sweets, but that doesn't seem so bad as MIL buys them far too many. However I wouldn't eat any without being offered.

Nanny0gg · 03/03/2022 18:55

@BeHappy91818

It’s a bloody Chocolate. Who cares how many had.

Thank god I don’t live with some of the petty people on here crying and name calling over a few chocolates 😂

So. Your mum/friend/sister buys you some lovely perfume.

Every time they come round they spray themselves liberally with it. Your daughters really like the smell (who doesn't like Chanel?) and do the same.

That ok?

Nanny0gg · 03/03/2022 18:57

@AnybodyAnywhere

My birthday was earlier this year. Our neighbour gave me a Cake the day before, just a supermarket one but a lovely thought and I was really touched 😊.

Just been diagnosed borderline T2 diabetic so given up sugar and wouldn’t eat it….in his defence DH knows this..but I was going to put it out on the table when friends came round for Birthday tea.

I woke up to this.

That's just really really rude.

Looks like an animal's been at it

Moonface88 · 03/03/2022 19:00

@rainbowmash trolls are not welcome here so bore off please 😴😴😴

Nanny0gg · 03/03/2022 19:06

@Hugsgalore

Jesus this place really is full of man haters. "Penis portion" massive fucking eye roll. No wonder the divorce rates are so high.
Bollocks
axolotlfloof · 03/03/2022 19:07

@Smileyaxolotl1

“I wouldn’t want to be with any of the men haters on here. No wonder they have affairs and get a divorce.”

God forbid a woman has something of her own and doesn’t let her husband take it just because he wants it eh?
These ridiculous women with boundaries - what idiots they are not to pander to males in every aspects of their lives.
No wonder men leave them if they won’t let those men do everything they want at all times.

Great username btw
NETSRIK · 03/03/2022 19:10

Just share them and buy another box. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Pedalpushers · 03/03/2022 19:16

My DH and I do genuinely buy each other food gifts on the assumption it will be shared with the other, but I'd be annoyed if he ever took more than half!

OkThenJustChill · 03/03/2022 19:44

He's greedy and should wait for you to offer! I would never ask for chocolate that was gifted to my DH and vice versa. We always offer kto each other though, but we don't generally go 50/50. The person that was gifted the chocolate gets the lion's share.

StCharlotte · 03/03/2022 19:48

YABU to only have one chocolate.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 03/03/2022 19:56

axolotlfloof

😀

Brefugee · 03/03/2022 21:16

I'd rather have half a box of chocs/bottle of naice wine etc more times a year than a whole box/bottle fewer times.

Well, quite. But it is sharing, and the recipient of the chocolate/wine/whatever will decide when to open it, and will offer one, take one and so on. There is no "oh go on give me another one of the chocolates that i bought for you for your birthday even though you prefer to eke them out and have one or two an evening". That's just weird.

Mojoj · 03/03/2022 21:38

He's a greedy pig. I would give him the whole box and tell him not to bother buying me chocolates again as they're clearly not meant for you.

HeckyPeck · 03/03/2022 23:07

You can definitely tell who the greedy guzzlers are on this thread.

HeckyPeck · 03/03/2022 23:11

@Hugsgalore

Jesus this place really is full of man haters. "Penis portion" massive fucking eye roll. No wonder the divorce rates are so high.
🤣🤣🤣 this place does make me laugh with its ridiculousness sometimes.

Imagine the thousands (millions?) of men divorcing their wives because the fellows weren't allowed to gobble up all the chocolates like little piggies.

Iamthewombat · 04/03/2022 08:27

@HeckyPeck

You can definitely tell who the greedy guzzlers are on this thread.
You certainly can. Especially the one upthread who bought her husband chocolates for Valentine’s Day then when he was out, opened them and ate them herself whilst watching a film!

According t her, he didn’t mind. So she says.

PinkForgetMeNot · 04/03/2022 08:52

Jesus Christ @LottyD32 I've only just seen your bizarre overreaction to me saying we share chocolates out equally with the family. Grin It's what we've always done as we get through them quite quickly so don't necessarily want to eat the whole box for one person. No drama. Sharing stuff out equally is the opposite of a penis portion surely. Are you OK? Confused

OneTC · 04/03/2022 09:19

I honestly wouldn't care, as explained earlier, if DP ate all my chocolates, but that's me. Other people do care.

I'd also not care if I never got another birthday present in my life, my OH on the other hand loves to have something to open on the day, even if it's just a little thing

The point here isn't the chocolates, it's that someone, you're supposedly in tune with, taking liberties that you wouldn't accept from a stranger. Just because it wouldn't bother YOU is totally irrelevant

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 04/03/2022 09:45

Buy two boxes for his next birthday. Eat the contents of one. Wrap them both and give him the empty box first.

He might get the message then!

Dogscanteatonions · 04/03/2022 09:47

I bet everyone here saying you should just share them, what's the problem are the scoffers who wouldn't think twice about helping themselves to as many of their partners chocolates as they fancied.

It's greedy and inconsiderate. If I buy my DP something he loves I'll have one when he offers and refuse any more because I bought them for him and I want him to enjoy them, they're his treat