Exceptions for Ukraine refugees

[myear]

I would genuinely be happy if someone can explain to me how IABU so I can feel less upset!

I am pleased for the Ukrainians that the EU is making exceptions for them so that anyone can come in, can get jobs straight away, no need for a visa for 3 years etc, but AIBU to feel bitter about my own treatment as an asylum seeker many many years ago? I can’t help but wonder why these exceptions are made for people fleeing the Ukraine, but not for people who fled my country to survive ethnic cleansing and what the UN found was war crimes against my people.

We had to lie to get a visa to Europe, lie to then get into the country when we were taken away for questioning at the border, apply for asylum 6 times as it kept being rejected, and only got approved on the basis that we had stayed too long to be kicked out, couldn’t work for a long time, and no exceptions were made to reduce bureaucratic hurdles. To be blunt, I question whether exceptions are being made for the Ukrainian refugees because they are white and people from my country are black.

My white DH, who is from the European country that took me in, is upset that the UK is not waiving visa requirements for Ukrainians and only allowing those with family in, rather than anyone seeking refuge. But, he doesn’t really see a problem with how I was treated by his country either, for reasons such as:

1. We fled a civil war whereas Ukraine is being attacked by another country. Countries need to deal with their own problems (but incidentally thinks it was right to intervene in NI / ROI - again white).

1. It’s not his country’s duty to help my country as they didn’t cause the war (but neither did his country cause the Ukraine war yet they are making exceptions for them).

1. Ukraine is geographically closer, although not a direct neighbour (so?)

1. Why am I not upset at the people who caused war in my country (but how is that relevant to the differing treatment I’m now seeing?)

1. Why am I not upset at neighbouring countries, they didn’t help either (again, how is that relevant?)

1. No exceptions were made for Kosovo, Bosnia etc so the Ukraine exceptions are not based on race (can't argue against that!)

I am very grateful that we were able to find safety in Europe and have a great life, but this seems to be upsetting me more than I can rationally explain.

Can you see it as more a case of lessons learnt from the past and having a better (but still a long way from ideal!) system now?

I'm sorry for what you went though, and I hope that life is treating you well now.

Obviously I thinkitnis good that countries are stepping up to recognise and help the humanitarian crisis, but I can also recognise that we did not do enough in the past. And that people suffered, in addition to what they went through in their home countries.

It must be very hard seeing the response now and contrasting that with how you didn't get help. Maybe we've learnt some lessons from the past? Probably there is an element of racism in there too, unfortunately. Probably also it is to do with proximity.

Because we are better now. I'm sorry you were badly treated, but 2 wrongs don't make a right.

Because they are white and their way of life looks quite similar to ours?

YANBU - I've felt uneasy about this too!
Don't get me wrong I think it's great that they're being relaxed to help, but why just Ukrainians?
I think you have a point.

I thi k the fact that those fleeing (currently) are women and children has a lot to do with it too. 'We're' not afraid of them, rather we feel we ought to protect them.

But when it is men, ex-fighters nature, that seems scarier.

OP I can absolutely understand why you feel the way you do. And I'm sure as well you are not begrudging them having these exceptions, but of course it can feel like a slap in the face when you went through hell for years just to be able to stay in a safe country. I also do think there is an element of racism involved, of course there is. Even a poster above said because they're white and their way of life is similar to ours, says it all really. Like there are more deserving refugees than others based on skin colour or the country they were born in.

However, I do think the exceptions are absolutely right. It's just a crying shame they weren't applied in other instances. Time will tell if they have learnt from the past and this is how they will act on these things going forward, or if it was just the white people who are deserving.

Media definitely has an impact. Not merely what newspaper editors prioritise, but what gets onto social media. I don't think that I've seen a war before where so many videos and photographs have been sent out in such a short space of time. If on the other hand a war happens at a time or place where smartphones aren't ubiquitous and the Internet connection is poor then we have had far less exposure to the reality on the ground.

The government are being pressured into it right now but when the cameras are off these two faced bunch of losers Pritti Patel will be reversing those decisions like there is no tomorrow. It's all show to send a message to Putin!

I suppose it's because this is closer to home and we feel more connected to a European country than one further away, and of course what happens in Europe is more likely to impact us. I would hope that the countries close to your country of origin behaved in the same way towards refugees from where you came from.

No country can afford to simply open its doors unconditionally to people from every country in crisis in the world, sadly there are too many, so we have a system which limit the numbers generally but which we can flex for exceptional circumstances such as this one.

You can choose to see that as racism, but I would suggest that is a bit simplistic it is probably more realistic to strip ghe emotive terms out and see it for the rather brutal pragmatism that foreign policy is usually driven by.

They are white.

I’m not an asylum seeker and I do not come from a war torn country but I do take massive offence when I hear Ukrainians say that Ukrainians are “proud” people who don’t see themselves as asylum seekers. In other words, asylum seekers are generally lacking in any sense of pride. I find the mindset rather questionable.

I’m very angry about what’s happening to Ukraine and if I could help them fight against Putin, I’d readily do so. However, I’m not happy with what’s happening to black, Asian and other ethnic minorities as they too try to flee. Dealing with the Russian invasion plus racism must be hell. I’m also not happy with the superior attitude some of the Ukrainians I’ve listened to have towards other asylum seekers or refugees.

And you will still deny your own xenophobia...

Poland alredy had special measures for Ukrainians, there is long and complicated history. That's all. Many of Ukrainians living in Eastern Ukraine alredy had 'polish card'

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karta_Polaka
Thus, being let in into Poland does not mean being accepted in the rest of the EU. Although countries that share post Soviet trauma decide to open the borders too.

@cuno Just to clarify: in my post above, I was suggesting a possible explanation to OP. I was not saying that I thought that white people whose way of life seems like ours should get preferential treatment.

I think this is viewed as a regional conflict. The UK/EU cannot take refugees from every conflict on Earth. That's not me being unkind, it's just realistic. Each region needs to manage refugees flows as far as possible.

The current difference with Ukrainian refugees is that they are identifiable, largely women and children (most vulnerable by every measure) and are fleeing regionally, as opposed to primarily male, lacking ID and from the ME/Africa etc. There has also been a lot of muddying of the waters between refugees and economic migrants in recent years - which adds to the cynicism.

Two main reasons.

1. They are white European (mainly).
2. The aggressors in this conflict has been Europe's and America's greatest foe for the past 70 odd years.

Those two factors are enough for a surprising majority of people to turn a blind eye to any issues that may arise from granting unrestricted entry to any Ukrainian.

I do understand your feelings but YABVU. It's actually a principle in international refugee law to put the onus on neighbouring countries to take in refugees - that's the "first country of asylum" rule. So the country with the highest number of Venezuelan refugees I believe is Colombia; Syrians, Lebanon and Jordan, and so on. There's tons of good reasons for it, logistics of course but also better prospects for repatriation once a conflict is over. Resettlement to other countries kicks in once the first port of call becomes overburdened, such as was/is the case with Lebanon, and of course anyone is entitled to move on for reasons of family reunification, better economic prospects etc ( I believe the technical term experts use at that point is "mixed migrations".)
Clearly the first country principle didn't work for you from what you're saying and that's truly shit. And yes, the international community needs to do much better in cases where countries in the region clearly aren't coping. But that's not a valid reason to overturn the principle and tell Ukrainians to try Ecuador or Thailand rather than the EU?

On the psychological side, yes there's been some dreadfully racist comments on the media in particular and that's a shame. But that doesn't mean people aren't allowed to feel a special sense of obligation and possibly guilt on the basis of familiarity - there but for the grace of God and all that.

We are doing better but in UK I still believe it is not enough. I am sorry for what you have been through, the system seems very cruel sometimes. I think the media and public pressure has been partly responsible for the reaction to the Ukraine invasion. Hopefully we will all continue to make kinder decisions in future. I am aware more than ever that we are all just one event away from being refugees.

What about the U.K. opening doors to people from Hong Kong? They’re not white. It’s because we have a shared history and connection with them. We feel we owe them greater help.

Poland and other Eastern EU countries are doing more to help Ukraine refugees than the rest of the world because they’re neighbours.

I think that makes sense, that you will go further to help those fleeing countries where there are stronger connections.

And I’m also v sorry to hear about your experience. I wish we could do more and help more people, but every stable country needs to play their part

Are you saying that you would have been happier with a 3 year visa then you head off home than with being granted asylum? You want EU countries to grant temporary visas straight away when there is turmoil in a country then send them home again after few years rather than allow people to claim permanent asylum?

It’s not a race to the bottom.
As every year goes by, personal ID, is getting easier to confirm. Along with motive.

Could the fact that you admittedly lied to get into the country have something to do with you being rejected 6 times and your overall experience?

@Greeceisthebest

What about the U.K. opening doors to people from Hong Kong? They’re not white. It’s because we have a shared history and connection with them. We feel we owe them greater help.

We should have given Hong Kongers citizenship in 1997 instead of just dumping them with no protection and running. If they were white we would have done. This is a small step to correcting that.