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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Problem at Gym

195 replies

bullywee · 02/03/2022 20:34

More a WWYD...

Have been going to my local gym for 6 years. I am fat and unfit but can lift heavy weights and religiously go everyday.

I keep myself to myself, and rather than a hello/morning/have a good day to the people I see every day in the changing room keep myself to myself.

Over last 6 weeks or so a group of (middle aged) woman have started attending and frankly they are making my life miserable. Comments when I am on machines, comments in changing rooms, comments when doing free weights/lunges and so on.

They are genuinely making me feel uneasy and I now dread going (I enjoy the gym but not the experience).

I don't want to go to another gym as I like the gym I go to (and it suits me), I don't want to moan to the staff because I will look pathetic, but it is really getting me down. Sad

Sorry it is more of a rant and me getting things off my chest. I have always been big (over 6ft, 15 stone so not enormous) but badly bullied at school and maybe that is why I am so sad that my fun time which I have always enjoyed is being ruined.

OP posts:
Yaya26 · 03/03/2022 00:04

Horrible witches. I'd def speak to management. They're def crossing lines and if I were management I'd be revoking their membership asking them to leave citing that had been overhead insulting another club member. Xx

Ddot · 03/03/2022 00:17

Go buy yourself a really good slogan tshirt, put your headphones on and sod em

Susu49 · 03/03/2022 00:20

You are a legend, showing up every day and lifting heavy weights

100% this! You're amazing, op, and they're cheap, nasty insecure little cows.

Do you think you could get your phone out and snap a couple of pictures of them? When they ask why tell them its so you can report them to management (or shame them on FB...)

I'm so enraged on your behalf, you're definitely not blowing this out of proportion! Their opinions, though, are not worth the sweat on your towel.

Flowers
Italiangreyhound · 03/03/2022 00:33

I think these women need telling. Tell the staff and ask them to speak to the women, you won't look like anything bad.

Ideally, I'd see if the staff can be passing when a comment is made and can call them out on it.

It really is offensive of them.

TacCat49 · 03/03/2022 00:47

I've been in the vicinity of such incidences between members at the gym I attend. I made a complaint to the gym management and they came down on the offender like a tonne of bricks and i received an apology. The offender was told either apologise or your membership will be cancelled. Please speak to management.

user1481840227 · 03/03/2022 00:51

You definitely won't look pathetic if you complain to staff.

Horrible horrible behaviour.

ReadtheReviews · 03/03/2022 01:12

Stand in front of them - 'I can hear you. This isn't the school yard. Grow up. Who do you think you are?'
Then, for them to see, walk up to the gym staff and say, this group is repeatedly disturbing/baiting/being abusive towards you.
Or do it in the opposite order so they have no warning. Agree with pp that you'll be shaking when you do confront them but it will be so worth it.

ReadtheReviews · 03/03/2022 01:14

And don't do anything out of line like photos etc. Don't give them any ammo.

oakleaffy · 03/03/2022 01:15

@pangolina

Please go tell the staff. I worked in gyms for a very long time and the staff will not want this sort of thing going on. I promise.
THIS. Please report it, OP. Gyms are for everyone, and they will lose trade if this bullying {That's what it is} becomes known. No one goes to the Gym to listen to a load of bitchy bullies.
echt · 03/03/2022 01:20

An anonymous complaint about unidentified perps won’t get you far. Presumably the gym floor is on CCTV. Use that. Is the gym staffed? Complain right away.

KimikosNightmare · 03/03/2022 01:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KimikosNightmare · 03/03/2022 01:25

Sorry wrong thread. Meant for The Archers

echt · 03/03/2022 01:28

Thanks anyway, I couldn’t work out who it was on that TA episode. :o

gonewiththegin · 03/03/2022 01:38

I cannot understand why people behave like this! Absolutely vile for grown women to go
out their way to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Height/weight/anything else is irrelevant- you should not be made to feel uncomfortable by anyone. Please report to the staff OP. I would also calmly let them know you are fully aware they are being unkind, calling them out ought to shut them up.

Sportslady44 · 03/03/2022 01:41

Horrible bit hard women. They have been doing it for years. Why are 0pl horrible when they could be nice.

IrishKatie1971 · 03/03/2022 01:58

Sod that, report them to the gym staff, that's beyond unacceptable. How vile. The gym is kind of a sacred space for many people, it's where they escape to from the stresses of life. Who needs that shit going on? It's utterly despicable behaviour. Please report them. They should not get away with it. They could lose their memberships and to be frank, they bloody well should.

Notarealmum · 03/03/2022 02:28

OP, I’m imagining you like Gwendoline Christie in Game of Thrones. Channel your inner Brianna of Tarth and next time you hear them talking about you, pull yourself up to your full height, stroll over to them, with a weight they couldn’t lift with two hands casually in one of yours and say to them pleasantly but with a steely little smile: “Do we have a problem, ladies?”. Then when they stutter and blush, say “that’s fine then. I suggest next time you have something to say about me you say it to my face”. That should put them in their place. And if you hear them muttering again, shoot them that steely smile and wave a kettlebell at them in an only slightly threatening manner.

PinkSyCo · 03/03/2022 04:19

What a bunch of vile bullies! Please don’t let them get away with this this OP.

CecilyTheWake · 03/03/2022 07:10

I would 100% tell the staff. That’s disgusting behaviour.

emmetgirl · 03/03/2022 07:13

That's disgraceful- I loathe this sort of behaviour- they sounds like vile people. If I was being treated like that I'd probably go up to them and punch one in the face. Sadly I'm not joking. It's likely not the best way to deal with it but sounds like what's needed.

Original poster
bullywee · 03/03/2022 07:15

Thanks everyone, I went to the pool today for a wee change so thankfully didn't see them but you are all right and the next time I have the misfortune so having any comment I am going to talk to the staff.

OP posts:
CognitiveDissolver · 03/03/2022 07:25

@bullywee

Thanks everyone, I went to the pool today for a wee change so thankfully didn't see them but you are all right and the next time I have the misfortune so having any comment I am going to talk to the staff.
I actually got bullied in the pool by 2 women OP. It happened several times and they complained about me and made up stuff that I was supposed to have said. They actually racially abused me as well and I was hit in the face "accidentally".

I got fed up and complained. Literally as I was complaining, one of the women came out of the changing rooms, didn't notice that I was talking to the manager and started making abusive remarks to me. It really was the most bizarre thing.

I have never, ever seen them at that pool again.

I do loads of sport though and am pretty confident, so I guess these types bank on people not standing up to them. Most of my sports is done outdoors and competitively and you do get odd people both in gyms and pools and no doubt other venues who become very territorial and behave terribly. I've seen it time and time again.

Women like this can be such bitches. Flowers

Wonnle · 03/03/2022 07:29

Does make you wonder why they suddenly turned up as a group at the gym you use doesn't it , maybe they have been removed from the one they were at before after similar behaviour

Goatlady5812 · 03/03/2022 07:32

What absolute bitches.

Bullies behave like this because they are allowed too. I would certainly be saying something back! Failing that I would definitely say but usually a large dose of their own medicine does the trick. Anyone you can go to the gym with to witness their behaviour?

Dentistlakes · 03/03/2022 07:38

This is horrendous behaviour op and completely unacceptable. I was always amazed and slightly skepticism when I heard about grown women behaving in this way until I witnessed it myself. I went to one of those spin classes in a swimming pool (yes, it’s as odd as it sounds!) and I heard a group of middle aged women openly bullying someone. I called them out on it and was met by a tirade of abuse. I couldn’t quite believe it and reported them to the (council owned) gym. I don’t know the outcome as I never returned to that particular class, but I haven’t seen them around since.

You just report them to the gym op. They should be able to identify them fairly easily. Don’t alter your fitness routine because of them. The opportunity to exercise belongs to everyone and nobody who is serious about exercise and understands it’s importance would do what they’re doing. They are disgusting bullies and should be kicked out.