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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Problem at Gym

195 replies

bullywee · 02/03/2022 20:34

More a WWYD...

Have been going to my local gym for 6 years. I am fat and unfit but can lift heavy weights and religiously go everyday.

I keep myself to myself, and rather than a hello/morning/have a good day to the people I see every day in the changing room keep myself to myself.

Over last 6 weeks or so a group of (middle aged) woman have started attending and frankly they are making my life miserable. Comments when I am on machines, comments in changing rooms, comments when doing free weights/lunges and so on.

They are genuinely making me feel uneasy and I now dread going (I enjoy the gym but not the experience).

I don't want to go to another gym as I like the gym I go to (and it suits me), I don't want to moan to the staff because I will look pathetic, but it is really getting me down. Sad

Sorry it is more of a rant and me getting things off my chest. I have always been big (over 6ft, 15 stone so not enormous) but badly bullied at school and maybe that is why I am so sad that my fun time which I have always enjoyed is being ruined.

OP posts:
rattlemehearties · 02/03/2022 21:46

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Quantity5 · 02/03/2022 21:49

I hope some other bugger overhears them and messes them up for you! Don’t let them beat you - hate inadequates like this.

PinkiOcelot · 02/03/2022 21:49

That’s disgusting. Definitely have a word with the staff OP. Bitches!

CognitiveDissolver · 02/03/2022 21:49

@bullywee

Well I was an a-hole this morning for some reason in the changing room.

Yesterday it was look at that...

Others include how can she be so far if here every day.

Look at her doing squats

Constant staring that is really awkward

I know I should ignore them but it is just such a relief when they don't turn up at weekends.

Its a strange truth that people who comment negatively on others are very rarely great beauties themselves. They are generally physically quite challenged. No-one knows why this is but its true.

The best way to stand up to a bully is to take the upper hand. This can be hard to do, particularly if there are so many of the huns in a pack, but its very enjoyable. Even just a repeated "is there a reason you are staring at me?" and standing your ground can do the trick.

Ridiculous way for adults to behave in a gym but gyms do seem to bring out quite a few bullies. I used to use a gym which had a bunch of middle aged-elderly men talking about their sex lives in graphic detail. Public swimming pools also attract odd types!

NotStayingIn · 02/03/2022 21:53

I would have my phone recording as soon as I saw them and hopefully capture something. Then I would complain. (That's just me though, I only like to start a fight if I'm pretty damn sure of winning.) Good luck OP, they sound like utter bitches.

Cantleave · 02/03/2022 21:53

@Cheeseandlobster

They are so out of order. Gyms are supposed to be safe places. I remember the insta hun a few years ago who lost a huge amount of money and followers for similar behaviour. Is there anyway you could surreptitiously record them so you can show management what has been happening?
I was thinking the same. With such clear evidence surely the Gym would have to ban them. If not, I wouldn’t want to continue going there to be honest.
wingscrow · 02/03/2022 21:53

This is shocking and truly bizarre.

But you have a few options:

  • use headphones, listen to your music and they will eventually get bored
  • change the time that you attend the gym
  • speak to staff about the bullying
  • confront them. A sharp 'can I help you?' the next time they are staring and a 'death stare' might actually do the trick...If you are 6ft you have the advantage and I would use it to intimidate them into backing off. Bullies are usually little cowards....
Galaxyinmypocket · 02/03/2022 21:54

Sounds like they won't last two minutes in the gym anyway, if all they are there for is a meet up and a bitch about others.

Tell the staff, don't let them come in and push you out, you were there first!

Cherrysoup · 02/03/2022 21:54

Please complain to the management about the persistent bullying and please, please confront, doesn’t matter if they snigger, can’t be worse than what they’re doing right now? Honestly, horrible fucking bitches sound about 12! I’d be getting in their faces, walk up really quickly and ask them nice and loud’What is your fucking problem?’ Bet they’ll shit themselves.

venusmay · 02/03/2022 21:54

I would just go straight up to them and ask them what their problem is. I was bullied at school and regret speaking up for myself. These days I confront people who think they can pick on me and it works, they get the message that it's not acceptable. They usually move on.

It doesn't need to be aggressive, just get them to own their petty shit and ask for an apology. If they get arsey report them to the manager for intimidating behaviour.

This stuff wind's me up!

mumwon · 02/03/2022 21:57

Ah the local coven is out - saying bitchy thing to make themselves feel superior - Ahem " well I can loose weight if I choose, you, however, will always be a load of bitches" & smile (I am not suggesting you should or need to loose weight)
You don't have to say it - you have us saying it in your ear on your behalf as we support you

venusmay · 02/03/2022 21:57

And I forgot to say, well done for your commitment to the gym. Makes me feel like I should get in there too, I think you shouldn't be pushed out by these bullies.

bananamuffin89 · 02/03/2022 21:57

Oh my goodness! this is shocking behaviour for middle aged women! do they actually say these things out loud that you can hear them?

Either say to the staff/management/complain, this sort of BULLYING should not be tolerated within an organisation.. Please please report them. and if youre comfortable, confront them.
Im sorry you are experiencing this.

GatoradeMeBitch · 02/03/2022 21:59

I would make a complaint first, so that management know there's a problem. Don't confront them first, they could twist it around and act like you were bothering them. Have a word with the manager.

DisorganisedAlways · 02/03/2022 22:02

I'm so sorry this is happening.
It's absolutely awful. They are bullies! Inform the staff absolutely. Nasty women. God it's like being at school!

My DP said 'can't you drop a weight on their foot?' I suppose that's another option. But I'd speak to the staff first.

D0lphine · 02/03/2022 22:02

How pathetic they are.

Tell them to shut the fuck up. Every time.

SheilaWilcox · 02/03/2022 22:03

What absolute cows! Tell the staff.

I am in awe of your dedication.

Cakecakecheese · 02/03/2022 22:03

You really should report this, I'd be surprised if you're the only person they do this to.

YouOKhun · 02/03/2022 22:05

@Ishouldreallybeonanisland

This has given me the rage actually.
Me too @Ishouldreallybeonanisland! What sort of people think this sort of nastiness is OK? It’s just unbelievable behaviour. If I was at the gym and picked up on this kind of thing going on I’d lose it; there’s nothing that winds me up more. @bullywee please please report this to the gym. They really won’t want this kind of thing going on. Don’t stop going to the gym, don’t change gym - get them shown the door.
Readytopop2022x · 02/03/2022 22:06

@bullywee

More a WWYD...

Have been going to my local gym for 6 years. I am fat and unfit but can lift heavy weights and religiously go everyday.

I keep myself to myself, and rather than a hello/morning/have a good day to the people I see every day in the changing room keep myself to myself.

Over last 6 weeks or so a group of (middle aged) woman have started attending and frankly they are making my life miserable. Comments when I am on machines, comments in changing rooms, comments when doing free weights/lunges and so on.

They are genuinely making me feel uneasy and I now dread going (I enjoy the gym but not the experience).

I don't want to go to another gym as I like the gym I go to (and it suits me), I don't want to moan to the staff because I will look pathetic, but it is really getting me down. Sad

Sorry it is more of a rant and me getting things off my chest. I have always been big (over 6ft, 15 stone so not enormous) but badly bullied at school and maybe that is why I am so sad that my fun time which I have always enjoyed is being ruined.

Your territory, tell them kindly fuck right off. If you don't have the confidence to do so, tell management. Do not let anyone make you feel like you do not belong OP!
Hertsgirl10 · 02/03/2022 22:07

Nasty cows!!

I am sorry that you’re having to put up with this, I would say headphones and report.

I hate bullies.

tearinghairout · 02/03/2022 22:12

It sounds as if you are making them feel insecure! Pathetic behaviour, but some people are horrible. They are out of order. I don't like confronting people and I would definitely tell the management and ask them to sort it out.

DysmalRadius · 02/03/2022 22:16

You're not making this awkward - they are being total dicks! I completely understand why you don't want to confront them, but at least tell a member of staff that they are directing personal comments at you, because they need to be told how unacceptable their behaviour is. Is there anyone else there when they say these things that would back you up?

Thevengabusiscoming · 02/03/2022 22:19

Wow grown women bullying. I would pick the little bitches up by their throat and ask what their problem is or maybe just have a word with staff as you do not have to put up with that behaviour.

Janesmom · 02/03/2022 22:19

Wow. Utterly unacceptable. Agree with PPs that OP should complain to the gym.