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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Problem at Gym

195 replies

bullywee · 02/03/2022 20:34

More a WWYD...

Have been going to my local gym for 6 years. I am fat and unfit but can lift heavy weights and religiously go everyday.

I keep myself to myself, and rather than a hello/morning/have a good day to the people I see every day in the changing room keep myself to myself.

Over last 6 weeks or so a group of (middle aged) woman have started attending and frankly they are making my life miserable. Comments when I am on machines, comments in changing rooms, comments when doing free weights/lunges and so on.

They are genuinely making me feel uneasy and I now dread going (I enjoy the gym but not the experience).

I don't want to go to another gym as I like the gym I go to (and it suits me), I don't want to moan to the staff because I will look pathetic, but it is really getting me down. Sad

Sorry it is more of a rant and me getting things off my chest. I have always been big (over 6ft, 15 stone so not enormous) but badly bullied at school and maybe that is why I am so sad that my fun time which I have always enjoyed is being ruined.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 02/03/2022 22:52

Or bitchbags

MrsWinters · 02/03/2022 22:58

Absolutely tell the staff. They’d much rather deal with this than lose a regular.
My guess is they’re New Years resolution types who’ll fuck off anyway in a few weeks

LaChanticleer · 02/03/2022 22:59

Oh @bullywee that is awful. I wish we could form a posse and all lift together and show those rude bullies a thing or two.

I think, if you’ve been bullied as a child, it’s very difficult to face up to conflict as an adult - well that’s certainly my experience. I was bullied at school for about 10 years, and now, 40 years later, I still shake if I’m in any kind of conflict with someone.

But could you turn it back on them. If you hear them saying rude things, what about staring at them, and saying “what? I didn’t quite catch that”

Or a radical way to discombobulate them - what about love-bombing them? Being super, super friendly?

AuntieJoyce · 02/03/2022 23:00

This is what your middle finger’s for OP, give it a go

Or a good old Havey Smith

mudgetastic · 02/03/2022 23:02

Blow kisses

CatherinedeBourgh · 02/03/2022 23:04

I would stick on some earphones and ignore them.

But maybe take a bit longer at a machine they are waiting for.

MiddleClassProblem · 02/03/2022 23:04

@RiverSkater

I'm sure the OP can take in some of the good advice and not stoop to using the misogynistic ageist comments on here such as calling these women bitches or old bags.
Absolutely this.

Don’t sink to their level.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 02/03/2022 23:04

I had this at a previous gym - absolutely you should make a complaint about them. I’ve generally found that people like that don’t tend to keep up their memberships, if that’s any comfort.

@TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo please don’t use the term “witch” as an insult.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 02/03/2022 23:05

Phone up and start recording straight away everytime. If they ask what you are doing say “you just said blah blah to me and I'm going to make sure you feel the consequences of your bullying behaviour" also “previously you have called me blah blah, do you think overweight people shouldn't come to (gymname) what do you have to say about that?" if they keep going they are just digging a deeper hole for themselves really.

StScholastica · 02/03/2022 23:07

@TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo

Omg what an absolute set of witches.

Next time head up, tits out and walk on by. You are so much better than them.

And yes please do report to gym manager.

Actually, I know a few witches and they would never, ever behave like this. Witches support other women.
TerriblyNaice · 02/03/2022 23:09

I wish we could all come to the gym with you.
I'm fat as fuck and disabled but I'll be part of your posse Grin

Psuedoshoes · 02/03/2022 23:10

That's absolutely vile, OP - I'm raging for you! Utter twats who must have truly miserable lives. I'm a regular gym goer and if I ever seen or experienced this type of behaviour I would 110% call it out. Just who the fuck do they think they are? So sorry you had to endure this from these idiots x

Jewel52 · 02/03/2022 23:10

Ok didn’t know there were actual “gangs of women” going to the gym together/ is that a thing? I hated the cliques around primary school when my kids were small as i’m Not s joiner and have always been more of a 1 to 1 person. I’ve got used to doing lots of stuff on my own that freaked me out initially but have realised most people are too self absorbed to see me in their radar. Are you sure they’re actually commenting on you? Not being critical but sometimes we project our own thoughts on to those around us

Basketville · 02/03/2022 23:11

Sorry this is happening OP - you sound amazing and should not be intimidated in the gym in this way.

Please report to the management. They have a duty of care and I would hope, some standards of behaviour for members.

Keep going to the gym - MN have your back 🏋️‍♀️

HomeHomeInTheRange · 02/03/2022 23:12

Bloody hell, that’s horrible!

And IMO /IME of more than 20 years of gym going, not normal. Most people seem to be of the outlook that everyone is there doing the same thing at whatever their level or experience, and respect for that.

Are there ever any gym staff in the gym? The staff must recognise you as a loyal regular. Could you say to them that you do yet want to make a formal complaint but this group are making comments and could they just ‘be around’ for a bit.

Really sorry you are being treated like this.

CovidCorvid · 02/03/2022 23:12

@bullywee

You are all right - I should complain but I just don't want to make things awkward and turn up and go home without this nonsense.

Thanks - I thought I was maybe taking things out of proportion and being touchy.

It wouldn’t be you that’s making things awkward……it’s them who have done that. How bloody dare they! I’d definitely say something to them and in quire an aggressive manner. At 6ft tall theyre not going to be intimidated by you and hopefully stfu. But also report them.
anotherbloodyyearofcovid · 02/03/2022 23:17

Complain about them.

Tell the manager there's a bunch of women who repeatedly make insulting personal remarks about you in your earshot, both in the changing rooms and on the gym floor and you want the manager to have a word and to tell them it's not acceptable.

Shitty bitches.

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/03/2022 23:21

What a set of twats they are.
Deffo make a complaint.
Sorry you’re having to deal with this OP

Notwithittoday · 02/03/2022 23:25

What on earth? I can’t believe grown women act like this. Complain to the management

ehb102 · 02/03/2022 23:37

I want to come to the gym with you. I lift, I'm hugely fat. Let me at them!

TheNestedIf · 02/03/2022 23:39

They don't matter.

You're fine.

Changechangychange · 02/03/2022 23:43

On the positive side, if they started six weeks ago this is obviously a short-lived New Year’s resolution (let me guess, they walk on the treadmills at a very low incline, chatting to each other?).

They will be gone by Easter.

Newschapter · 02/03/2022 23:49

I'm so sorry to hear this.

What a bunch of bullies Sad

I'd guess that they're jealous. I go to a small gym local to me and it's where I met one of my best friends.

She was 7 stone overweight but man she could lift twice as much of some of the men! (She's lost a lot of weight since joining)

My heart would be broken if I thought anyone at our gym would make her feel like this.

Please speak to a staff member, or next time they say something make them aware you hear them (easier said than done I know)

DramaAlpaca · 03/03/2022 00:01

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Laufeythejust · 03/03/2022 00:03

Please tell the manager or one of the PTs. It’s not on. I bloody hate this- if I heard this I would go mad. A gym should be a safe space to exercise in. Someone did this in my gym and they were asked to leave and had their membership cancelled.