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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Problem at Gym

195 replies

bullywee · 02/03/2022 20:34

More a WWYD...

Have been going to my local gym for 6 years. I am fat and unfit but can lift heavy weights and religiously go everyday.

I keep myself to myself, and rather than a hello/morning/have a good day to the people I see every day in the changing room keep myself to myself.

Over last 6 weeks or so a group of (middle aged) woman have started attending and frankly they are making my life miserable. Comments when I am on machines, comments in changing rooms, comments when doing free weights/lunges and so on.

They are genuinely making me feel uneasy and I now dread going (I enjoy the gym but not the experience).

I don't want to go to another gym as I like the gym I go to (and it suits me), I don't want to moan to the staff because I will look pathetic, but it is really getting me down. Sad

Sorry it is more of a rant and me getting things off my chest. I have always been big (over 6ft, 15 stone so not enormous) but badly bullied at school and maybe that is why I am so sad that my fun time which I have always enjoyed is being ruined.

OP posts:
FlasherMcGruff · 02/03/2022 22:20

How fucking dare they?! Please report them to the staff, op. I’m in disbelief that several adults can think this is ok and not one of them is telling the others to shut up.

Ionlydomassiveones · 02/03/2022 22:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 02/03/2022 22:22

Bullies op stand up to them or report them but In all honesty stand up to them will make you feel better .
If they talk about you again say ‘I’m sorry did you say something ‘ just make it obvious you know what they said and and give them the stare . They are in the wrong and it boils my blood that grown adults think it’s fine to make other adults feel like shit .
I’m willing you on to say something.

BurgerKingAddict · 02/03/2022 22:22

Nasty bitches like them ruin it for everyone else who goes to the gym and doesn’t feel confident and those who do feel confident but aren’t judging everyone else or even notice anyone else.
Report them. They probably piss everyone off (staff included).

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 02/03/2022 22:23

OP, please come back - they are probably intimidated by you - but it is their problem not yours - I bet they are jealous of your swoleness!

But I would raise it with the staff - you are actually working out and there are some women who loathe women who are actually using their bodies and building them up - it says more about them than you! You have the freedom they lack - the freedom of your body.

rach2713 · 02/03/2022 22:23

I would tell them to stop exercising there mouth act there age shut up and do actual exercise or get out. If you feel that uncomfortable speak to a member off staff and they can sort it out.

BurgerKingAddict · 02/03/2022 22:26

Could you email the gym anonymously? Just make up a email address to use to complain and then they gym won’t know it was you, or email them and say you don’t want anyone to know who has complained. You probably won’t be the only one.

Loki01 · 02/03/2022 22:27

@bullywee

You are all right - I should complain but I just don't want to make things awkward and turn up and go home without this nonsense.

Thanks - I thought I was maybe taking things out of proportion and being touchy.

I would confront them.

A loud "what did you just say?" will suffice.

Couchbettato · 02/03/2022 22:27

@bullywee

Well I was an a-hole this morning for some reason in the changing room.

Yesterday it was look at that...

Others include how can she be so far if here every day.

Look at her doing squats

Constant staring that is really awkward

I know I should ignore them but it is just such a relief when they don't turn up at weekends.

They're jealous.

I say this as a fat powerlifter.

They're jealous and they're intimidated by you. They wouldn't say these things if they weren't bandied together.

Do not feel uneasy. This is a them problem not a you problem.

Ttcfinalbub · 02/03/2022 22:28

Take a buddy ! I volunteer if within 15 miles =p

Hollywolly1 · 02/03/2022 22:31

Sorry this is happening to you,why on earth would someone be bothered carrying on like that .They obviously have absolutely no meaning of anything in their lives-very sad women.I can understand why you love to go so please don't stop going,Flowersfor you and for all the girlie's and men that suffer at the hands of bullies

Bussinbussin · 02/03/2022 22:31

@gettingolderandgrumpy

Bullies op stand up to them or report them but In all honesty stand up to them will make you feel better . If they talk about you again say ‘I’m sorry did you say something ‘ just make it obvious you know what they said and and give them the stare . They are in the wrong and it boils my blood that grown adults think it’s fine to make other adults feel like shit . I’m willing you on to say something.
This! You're a 6 foot, 15 stone weightlifter for god's sake.

Stand RIGHT in front of her, toes touching, when you do it.

AuntMasha · 02/03/2022 22:32

So sorry you had to endure that, OP. 💐

Hold your head high. ❤️

MingeofDeath · 02/03/2022 22:33

Go up to them right in their faces and ask them what their problem is. You are 6 ft, use your size to your advntage.

Newbeginnings90 · 02/03/2022 22:34

This is crazy behaviour for fully grown women.

Please please rise above this and if you don't feel confident enough to report to the gym in person - an anonymous feedback form or something?

WellyoucantellbythewayI · 02/03/2022 22:35

That is utterly horrible @bullywee. What an absolute bummer that you, the loyal customer, are faced with reluctance to attend the gym because of bullies.

Please, please don’t let them get away with it.
Tell the staff about it. You will not look foolish. Staff might have already noticed. Tell them that it’s happening often, that it’s intimidating and off-putting and that these people are using aggressive threatening language.

It wouldn’t matter if you were 6’7 and 22st, you have the right to be there and just peacefully getting on with it.

A year or ago a poster came on to say she was at the ice lolly fridge in the local shop and a child nearby asked her mother if she could have an ice lolly.

The mother said “no, because you will end up looking like that” in a perfectly audible voice. Then she had a good old smirk with her friend. The child said nothing more.

I just couldn’t get over how wicked people can be: to enjoy ruining someone’s day/week by hurting them like that, for no reason.

Your post reminds me of that incident.
Please ask the staff to help you. There’s no shame in it. It’s the bullies who should be ashamed.

WonderfulYou · 02/03/2022 22:37

I would ‘film my workout’ as many people do and try and catch then saying things.

Or better yet let us know what gym you go and what time and anyone local will come and call them out on it in RL.

Chely · 02/03/2022 22:38

I would tell them to go F themselves, cf's.

People like that should be banned from gyms. So glad we have our own rack and weights so I do not have to encounter people like that.

BloodyBaffled · 02/03/2022 22:41

This reply has been deleted

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WellyoucantellbythewayI · 02/03/2022 22:42

Also I have to say that we all have our insecurities and I know people might be trying to help, but your physical size or weight lifting ability does not mean you’re capable of standing up to bullies.

It doesn’t work like that.

I think you mentioned your height and weight in case we thought it was for that reason they were bullying you. I’m not sure you want it reflected ack to you repeatedly. Some people are self-conscious of being tall.

FWIW I think they’re jealous too.

CherryPieface · 02/03/2022 22:46

You sound awesome OP, what an inspiration you are!

Please talk to the staff, I’m sure they will support you xxx

3luckystars · 02/03/2022 22:47

Don’t let them break you. I’m rooting for you. Hopefully they will get sick of it and clear off soon.

LightSpeeds · 02/03/2022 22:49

Wow, do adults actually do this to complete strangers!?! I'm totally shocked and outraged on your behalf.

Speak to the staff. They may well have picked on others.

They're a complete gang of bitches...

3luckystars · 02/03/2022 22:49

If you think about them doing that to someone overweight who just started in the gym, that person might never go back again, they are rotten.

RiverSkater · 02/03/2022 22:51

I'm sure the OP can take in some of the good advice and not stoop to using the misogynistic ageist comments on here such as calling these women bitches or old bags.

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