Was I wrong to send him in like this?

[Longcovid21]

Reality check needed.
Ds 10 had massive holes in his trainers which appeared out of nowhere. A few days ago I saw a sale on the vans website and so took the opportunity to buy him some nice new shoes. They look like this.
www.schuh.co.uk/kids/junior-vans-old-skool-metallic-flame-black-and-silver-trainers/2662457850/

He hates them. He says they are too showy and was crying that he wanted to wear the trainers with holes in instead. Usually I let him choose his own shoes but on this occasion I just spotted a bargain.

Was I being unreasonable to basically make him wear the shoes and tell him that if he wore shoes with holes in school may contact social services for neglect (I was feeling desperate).

He was in tears. It was stressful all around.
I need a reality check about whether I was BU to push it? Normally he has his own way but I just couldn't send him in in bad holey shoes.

My 10 year old would have wanted to chose his own shoes.

We got some plain black adidas ones from sports direct (as it happens) for about £25.

i would wear them my kids would not. Our school would not allow them either.

I’m pretty sure Vans are made in similar conditions as other branded shoes from Sports Direct, whatever those conditions may be! Unless Vans are known as an ethical producer??

He needs more than 1 pair of shoes and a pair of football boots. It's not hard to get some plain trainers for weekends and for precisely this reason - things break sometimes!
Unfortunately, if you're struggling that much financially m, I don't think you can be picky about the morals of the companies you buy from.

Personally I love those vans! However your DS has to wear them. I understand why you wouldn't want to send him with holes in his trainers but I wouldn't have made him wear the vans either. Was there no other option for one day?

I feel a bit sorry for him, actually.

Sorry just read up thread no other option. Then it would have been black socks to hide the hole a bit and an emergency shoe shop.

@ANameChangeAgain

Agree with everyone else, choose your child's clothes at your peril! Can you send them back? I'm projecting massively btw because my mum used to surprise me with the most horrendous grannie stuff from Littlewoods or Beewise sales when I was a kid, and I had to be grateful because at least I had nice new grannie clothes!

I remember the horror of going to school in my catalogue coat (Littlewoods or Marshalls) aged about 10 and seeing a dinner lady wearing the same coat!

Sorry, but I think your made a mistake sending him in in them. One day of horrible shoes won't be the end of the world, but now he's worn them you no longer have the option to return them and use the money for shoes he likes (even just supermarket ones) so he'll be stuck with them. And if moneys so tight that he only owns 2 pares of shoes, then it could be quite a long time before your able to replace them.

I don't think they are that bad but nobody likes being force to wear clothes/shoes that they really dislike. I was going to suggest a black permanent marker as well if money is tight. You live and you learn, unless I am just buying plain black trainers for the kids I always consult them and have done since they were 7 or 8.

It’s not about being conservative in style. I love a flamboyant shoe but those are just ugly, poor kid

The social services threat was way over the top and all you’ve probably done is reinforced his dislike of those ugly shoes.

Awful trainers 😬

YABVU Poor kid. Horrible shoes.
And YABVU to even think that social services haven't got better things to do than worry about worn out shoes!

DS2 wore school shoes held together with duct tape for the last few weeks at secondary school as I refused to buy new ones which he would never wear again just for a few days of exams! #BadMother

Get some black acrylic paint, and paint the 'flames'

Vans are also made in Sweatshops...

Buy him a pair of decent shoes he will like and wear.

You could have returned the sale ones surely and bought him a pair he liked? You came on wanting to be told they were amazing shoes and your son was being unreasonable.

Don't flounce away with your back up because you've not received the response you wanted.

You could have taken him to Sainsburys or Asda for a £10 pair to last him a few weeks until you could source your non sweatshop pair or sent him in the old ones.

I mean...I'd wear them!

Kids and their shoes man. Absolutely ballache.

I like them and might wear them but DS 10 would hate them!

No way would he wear them for school or anywhere anyone could see them and it wouldn't be for fashion reasons, he just doesn't like flashy shoes.

God this has taken me back to my childhood and the shame I felt being forced to wear clothes and shoes that not only I hated but the other kids would notice and mock me for.

Don't flounce away with your back up because you've not received the response you wanted

I havent flounced away anywhere. There was not a specific response I wanted. Except perhaps not hysterical nastiness.

@Longcovid21

He only has 2 pairs of shoes in total? There was literally no other option?

Yes correct. Sorry we are not as rich as you.

Ignore . He's got shoes thats all that matters. My ds strap broke on his shoe the other day and he went to school in his spiderman shoes on. Till I got him a new pair

I like them and would wear them so they’re probably not cool for 10 years olds

You are getting a rough time here OP. Given the choice of sending him in holey shoes or perfectly good (if a little garish) shoes I know which one I would choose.

I'm guessing you were under pressure and looking to get hold of something quick. They aren't ideal for school but pretty sure we've all panic bought questionable items in a rush before.

It's sad that he was upset and embarrassed but surely most rational parents would pick comfort and safety over style in this scenario. Now you've got a bit of time just pick some less bold ones (the supermarkets do pretty good quality, inoffensive trainers) and save the Vans for the park.

Some of these comments are ridiculous though.

I just can't get my head round buying him ugly Vans that aren't appropriate for school and he hates and not being able to afford even one other pair of shoes. Surely your money would be better spent getting a pair of school shoes and a pair of trainers that are cheaper or unbranded, or from a charity shop, or a cheaper shop.

I’d also have recommended colouring the silver in black but I suspect all the kids will spot it and he will be teased or bullied even more.

I think if you’re going to buy something out there for your kid it’s really best to ask their opinion, it’s like your partner buying you a gold sequinned mini rara skirt and then demanding you wear it for work no matter how much you cry, or deem it inappropriate. Because it was a bargain, so fuck you.

Kids want to fit in. They don’t want to stand out and have the piss ripped out of them. The fact he was crying told you this is exactly what he was dreading.

I think you now need to try to find the money for new ones. And you should aPologise. Just because he is a child doesn’t mean you can trample on him and his feelings.

Ffs those shoes just came up on my Instagram ads 🙄