Was I wrong to send him in like this?

[Longcovid21]

Reality check needed.
Ds 10 had massive holes in his trainers which appeared out of nowhere. A few days ago I saw a sale on the vans website and so took the opportunity to buy him some nice new shoes. They look like this.
www.schuh.co.uk/kids/junior-vans-old-skool-metallic-flame-black-and-silver-trainers/2662457850/

He hates them. He says they are too showy and was crying that he wanted to wear the trainers with holes in instead. Usually I let him choose his own shoes but on this occasion I just spotted a bargain.

Was I being unreasonable to basically make him wear the shoes and tell him that if he wore shoes with holes in school may contact social services for neglect (I was feeling desperate).

He was in tears. It was stressful all around.
I need a reality check about whether I was BU to push it? Normally he has his own way but I just couldn't send him in in bad holey shoes.

I think if you're unable to buy a second pair of shoes for him it would've been better to let him wear the old ones (and also not use the threat of social services to frighten him 😯) ..now he's worn them you won't be able to return them and use the money to buy different shoes.

That being said I do understand the temptation to grab a bargain before you miss out, especially when it's a brand you wouldn't normally be able to afford for your child. Hopefully he has a good day today and his opinion of them will change 🤞

FS OP. Doesn't matter whether you liked them, or we liked them. He didnt. He's 10 and hated them so much he was crying and you still sent them into school. And all that stuff about SS are you trying to make him upset? Do you not remember what it was like at that age?
I have a DS 13 and I have asked him about clothes/trainers etc from that age. Small stuff like this is a big deal to kids from this age on. You should've sent him in in his old ones and gone and got new ones he did like.

At 10, I’d have let him choose. And they aren’t school shoes - surprised your school allows trainers?

If he was 4 I would have 8nsiated he wore what I say. However your son is 10 and obviously feeling very self-conscious about these. My son is 9 and I wouldn't (couldn't) make him wear something he didn't like.

I think your son has extremely good taste OP! The shoes are hideous!

Return the shoes, tell him the budget and let him choose.

As they've been worn and you can't return, could you maybe get a fabric pen and colour in the white in black? Not sure if that would work, but might be worth a try

He's 10. You need to start asking him for his opinion on stuff like shoes. If he gives you the go ahead to buy whatever then that's fine but in my experience of 2 sons, trainers are the first piece of clothing that they develop an opinion on and it's a common age to want say Nike rather than Clark's.

I wouldn't have commented on SS. School will understand when his shoes are replaced quickly.

Kids that age can be fiercely cruel about fashion choices and it's not like those shoes are unobtrusive. They're basically designed to be noticed. I totally sympathise with his worry he'll get teased, and I think you've been insensitive about something that can really impact children at that age. Return the shoes, buy him another cheap pair that at least don't have shiny silver flames on them - and at least run the choice by him before you check out.

I’m confused as to why he’s wearing trainers? Is it because you can’t afford trainers and shoes? I’d say get off schuh and buy him cheap supermarket school shoes. It’s awful being the one in trainers when everyone else is in shoes.

The shoes are bad enough. Telling him that you will be reported to Social Services for neglect was a very mean thing to do to him.

Oh no

No assholes here. But I think you’ve learned he’s now old enough to have some strong opinions about what he wears.

I don't think they're hideous. I could imagine some of my friends who work in tattoo shops or actually skateboard getting them in a sort of ironic 'flame shirt' kind of way. They are flashy, a lot of Vans are, even the plain ones are a bit of a style statement.

Parents notoriously get stuff like this wrong all the time and it matters a lot to teenagers, so just double check with him before you buy next time.

They're only school shoes however, it's not like you're forcing him to wear them at weekend too... are you?

Shoes are vile, I'd have cried if forced to wear them too.

If I had so little money I couldn't buy school shoes for my child which as I read it is what the OP has said, meaning they only ever wore 1 pair of trainers or football boots, I certainly wouldn't be wasting money on Vans when I could have bought a pair of shoes and trainers for the same amount of money. No point in your kid having labels if they hate the label item, and it means they only have 1 pair of shoes.

God this has taken me back to my childhood and the shame I felt being forced to wear clothes and shoes that not only I hated but the other kids would notice and mock me for.

Me too. Don't you have any empathy, OP? No memory of what it's like to be a kid at school?

@Longcovid21 it’s not about whether a stranger on the internet likes them or not (personally I do!) but your son doesn’t and is maybe worried about being teased / bullied at school, or being told off as they don’t look like normal school shoes / trainers.

Blimey those are bling!! Poor boy

I’m confused as to why he’s wearing trainers? Is it because you can’t afford trainers and shoes? I’d say get off schuh and buy him cheap supermarket school shoes. It’s awful being the one in trainers when everyone else is in shoes.
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The kids all wear trainers. They play football every breaktime.

They are not school shoes. My dc's school would send ds home for wwearing those. And no way did those rips in the trainers appear overnight!! Not without help.

I think you owe him an apology.

1. They're fugly and at my school you'd get the shit kicked out of you for wearing those.
2. Threatening SS involvement (i.e that he could be removed from your care ) to get your own way is an awful thing to do for a child.

@DonnyBurrito no he only has to wear the flashy shoes which in no way resemble school shoes during the week, at school, where all his mates are.

Surely a pair of plain black trainers or - heaven forfend - actual school shoes would have been cheaper and less of a fashion statement than those boyos? Most supermarkets stock school things these days.

I can understand needing to get shoes within a budget. You obviously chose them assuming he'd like them. I think at ten he should have some say that tough.
However they are clearly not school shoes which you must have known. I can understand you must have been desperate to make the neglect comment but that's too much emotional dumping on a child.
I can't understand why you're so antagonised and defensive in your response here though.

SS are far more likely to be interested in a parent who forces their child into clothes they hate so much it makes them cry their eyes out, than sending them in worn out and battered trainers that are loved and comfy. YABU and I feel very sorry for your son.

@Longcovid21

Holes don't appear overnight No they appeared one day.

They weren't £37 BTW that's not the sale price.

I guess I will be forced to get some shitty sweat shop trainers from sports direct then. Gosh you lot are conservative 😊. But point taken. No one likes them.

It doesn't matter if we like them.

But it matters to your DS. Obviously at that age image means alot and he is worried he will get picked on for having showy shoes.

Maybe go a little easier on him next time and let him help pick the shoes.

Many kids play football at lunch and breaktimes, my children did at primary. However they wore school shoes to do so. Trainers were for PE lessons. I'm surprised the school allow all children to wear trainers every day.